Recent News articles

  1. Brilliant School Board Bans Hugs

    Brilliant School Board Bans Hugs

    Posted by Mark Lorenz – Leave A Comment

    So, you remember how when you were in school, excited to see other people and you’d hug them, but then the entire educational system would collapse around you? You don’t remember that? Well, a schoolboard in Oregon does. They’ve banned hugging [...]
  2. Vince Neil Launching Private Jet Company

    Vince Neil Launching Private Jet Company

    Posted by Mark Lorenz – Leave A Comment

    Hey man, have you ever wanted to fly on a private jet? Like the ones you hear name-dropped all the time by rappers who can’t really afford to own private jets? Well, now you may get the chance – thanks to the lead singer of Motley Crüe.
  3. Maryland Considers Shift From South To North, No One Else Notices

    Maryland Considers Shift From South To North, No One Else Notices

    Posted by Akela Talamasca – Leave A Comment

    Maryland is apparently tired of being considered "Southern". Neil Young rejoices; Lynyrd Skynyrd quietly sobs.
  4. Scientists Refine Cloaking Device

    Scientists Refine Cloaking Device

    Posted by Akela Talamasca – Leave A Comment

    You may be wondering why there's a gold bar image for a cloaking device post. What was I gonna do, leave it blank?
  5. Jeremy Tyler Quits Israeli Squad

    Jeremy Tyler Quits Israeli Squad

    Posted by James Sheldon – Leave A Comment

    Jeremy Tyler quits Israeli team, and will return to the United States to continue the pursuit of his basketball career.
  6. March Madness Bracket Update

    March Madness Bracket Update

    Posted by James Sheldon – 1 Comment

    Did you experience a few busts in your bracket on Day 1? Who didn't? As long as your Final Four teams are still intact, you're still in the running!
  7. iCub Toddler Robot Can Now Make An Omelet

    iCub Toddler Robot Can Now Make An Omelet

    Posted by Daniel Dominguez – Leave A Comment

    The iCub's face, two googly eyes staring ominously out of a terrifying mix of wires and steel, was apparently designed to scare birds into having heart attacks.
  8. Helping Women Damages Their Self-Esteem

    Helping Women Damages Their Self-Esteem

    Posted by Mark Lorenz – 2 Comments

    A recent study has uncovered evidence of what men have known for years: you shouldn’t help women with tasks around the house, as it is liable to ruin their self-esteem.
  9. Google Coming To TV, Shortly Thereafter, Your Soul

    Google Coming To TV, Shortly Thereafter, Your Soul

    Posted by Daniel Dominguez – Leave A Comment

    In fact, insiders suspect that the next Google merger is going to be with Skynet. Skynet and Google will merge to bring Skynet systems online.
  10. “The Hobbit” Begins Filming In July

    “The Hobbit” Begins Filming In July

    Posted by Akela Talamasca – Leave A Comment

    Ian McKellen spills the news: "The Hobbit" will begin filming in July. But what's this about an original story in the Lord of the Rings history?

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