50’s getting crazy with his beefs, mang.

Marv Albert, for those of you who are unaware, could kick your ass. He’s the voice of the NBA, probably dresses in bondage gear and bites people, which means not only does he spend all day mingling with people that could kick your ass, in his off-time he keeps his pimp hand strong. Name someone more hardcore than that. Anyway, they were both booked on the same day on Jimmy Kimmel, and the record industry apparently adequately prepped 50’s crew for dealing with short, booming-voiced white dudes. So according to MTV …

When the broadcaster entered the building, what went down? Punches were thrown, obscenities were spat out and things got quite hostile.

Jesus christ. I have no idea what the hell Marv Albert could’ve done to provoke 50’s crew, but I would’ve paid money to see that. He must’ve rolled up, bumping The Game, throwing Euros at them and grabbing his crotch.

The story has a sad note, though. In retaliation, Jay-Z has killed Bob Costas.

Next up is “New Moon“, the next installment in the “Twilight” franchise. The populace seems to be pretty divided about this series, with some clutching it to their heaving bosoms and declaring undying (or undead) love, and others wishing for a stake through the heart — their own hearts, which will spare them from having to live through another two movies after this second one flies out. I’ve neither read the books nor seen the movies, but even before all this hype, I was done with vampires. There’s nothing new going on, nothing exciting happening, and I’m a werewolf fan anyway.

So imagine my surprise to find a guy who turns not just into a wolf, but a gigantic freaking wolf at that. More like a dire wolf, my D&D brethren. That almost got me interested, until I saw the trailer with all of Bella’s moping smack in place, and I just went and had a steak instead. It’s unlikely that this movie will change your opinion of “Twilight” either way, but hey, at least there’s werewolves in it. Check out the trailer below:

A gun on a webcam. I’d say that normally isn’t what people pull on a webcam, but normally people just pull attention whoring stunts. To prove that she’s the queen of attention whores, though, Tila went ALL OUT. AWWW YEAH. She got a livestream, stripped naked, and ranted. Those are the best kinds of rants. The naked ones.

I am an angel … because I am here to save the world with my army. People call me an attention whore .. or whatever … but excuse me I’m a grown ass woman and I’m confident in myself …I think a woman’s body is a beautiful thing … that’s why I’m a lesbian … I was born naked … anybody who is against that is gay and in denial.

Stop trying to convince people you’re gay, Tila. You’re not gay. You’re an attention whore. To further drive the point home that she is an attention whore, she removes a tampon, masturbates, and talks about how clean she is.

You gotta love crazy. A wise man told me about crazy women, “You can f*ck the crazy, but that crazy gon’ f*ck you right back.”

Watch it here.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sold six million copies in the first week of sales. Six million copies. Compare that to a movie. If it was a box-office opening, it’d be the biggest one of the year, somewhere around $360 million. Guess what? Modern Warfare outsold Grand Theft Auto in the FIRST DAY. It sold seven million copies. That’s $550 million from a video-game that’ll probably have better voice-over acting and plot than most of the movies that screen this year. Also, you can play it with other people. Suck it, Hollywood. Including marketing and expenses, the cost of manufacturing Call of Duty was somewhere in the realm of $200 million.

Call of Duty is expected to sell close to 15 million units, grossing close to a billion dollars. So, if you’re looking for where the money is now, it ain’t in film remakes and sequels. The best original content is being made on television and on consoles. Here here, COD. Now, let me hope I’m not trash talking to a thirteen-year-old the next time I play you.

Lil’ Wayne has been growing his dreads out since he decided to abandon writing words on paper, and just rely on his mind. I made that up. He still had short hair when he was doing songs with Jermaine Dupri, so I’m assuming he decided to grow it out around the same time. Unfortunately, dreads are not allowed in jail, unless you’re Rastafarian. Last time I checked, Wayne was not a Rasta, and there’s an extensive screening process to decide whether or not you’re a Rasta. Which, by the way, is a process I would love to be party to one day. So get ready. Wayne can no longer hide behind his hurr.

Lil’ Wayne plead guilty to attempted possession of a weapon in the second degree on October 22, and is looking at a year in jail. Man, this last year has been bad for rappers. Then again, between T.I., Gucci Mane, Lil’ Boosie, and Lil’ Wayne, if we somehow managed to send them all to the same prison, and have them cut an album, it’d be more epic than Johnny Cash at Folsom. CHUCH.

Out here in the real world, moments that warrant a man-on-man hug come few and far between. However, if you’re a professional sports player, butt slaps and warm embraces are par for the course. Win or lose, our sports heroes are routinely faced with an emotional roller coaster that would put your girlfriend’s menstrual cycles to shame.

When high fives and back slaps just won’t do, even the manliest sports stars need a hug. While most of these hugs are nothing worth writing home about, the occasional photo snap catches a supremely awkward moment of tenderness between two men.

The most awkward sports hugs of all time are as follows:

Ricky Henderson looks genuinely concerned about how much Mark McLemore is enjoying this hug (and with good reason).

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Gary Sheffield exhibiting a textbook definition of “rape eyes.” Judging from Jeter’s body language, no means no, Sheff.

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Now that’s what I call a love/hate relationship.

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Did Pedro Martinez’s puppy just die?

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This magic moment…bring your lips so close to mine. Argentinian futbol star Diego Maradona looks just a little too happy to be hugging a 13-year-old boy.

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Something about Ken Griffey Jr.’s stance is just completely off-putting here. Maybe I should cut him some slack -– he had just swatted his 500th home run.

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An uber-rare hand-to-crotch hug. Jim Edmonds, meet Jason Marquis.

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Man, those Yankees sure can’t keep their hands off of Jeter. Matsui either looks extremely concerned, or extremely jealous.

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First off, Jerry Smith (University of Louisville), that’s not how you execute an open-mouth kiss. Second off, that’s not your girlfriend! It’s Juan Palacios! What the hell, man?

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See Jerry Smith? That’s how you kiss a teammate.

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Now, we’re all adults here, presumably. I think we can puzzle out what the acronym TWILF stands for. But the speculation has led people to seek an actual definition, with the result seeming to be something involving farting in the bathtub. That seems pretty unlikely, but even if we assume that to be true, the usage of “twilf” in conjunction with Twitter makes the meaning obvious.

What’s even funnier is that a great many sites are calling Al Gore out for this attack on Palin, even though I doubt very much that he had anything to do with the cartoon. Just because it’s partly his company doesn’t mean that he oversees every aspect of its day-to-day functions. What’s more, “GUN-HO” is an even more egregious attack than “twilf”, don’t you think? While it’s clearly a play on the term “gung ho”, usage of the word “ho” will probably be taken as a slur referring to loose sexual practice instead.

But above all else, this is satire and parody. All this kind of talk is allowable. I think everyone needs to calm down a bit and go back to whatever it was they were doing before they ever decided to become outraged by proxy on Palin’s behalf. She’s a big girl; she can defend herself. With a gun, apparently.

Starting today, WoW players will be able to claim their 5-charge Mohawk Grenades from Night Elf vendors outside every starting zone. What do they do? If you throw a Mohawk Grenade at another player, he or she will be temporarily given the Mr. T night Elf Mohawk appearance, as seen in the picture in this post. Mr. T makes the World of Warcraft look GOOOOD.

Chances are, if you’re not already playing WoW, you’ll just think this is more stupidity for pasty-faced shut-ins with too much time on their hands. If you are a player, though, you’ll likely love the fact that Blizzard is cool enough to have taken a one-time throwaway joke and turned it into a worldwide event. Either way, congratulations to Mr. T for keeping his name current in the hearts and minds of millions!

I remember when Brock Lesnar first came to the WWE. It was like all the other people looked relatively normal, and then here comes this guy and his NECK IS BIGGER THAN HIS HEAD. How is that physiologically possible? And then he came and punched everybody with his hands, which somehow were also larger than his head. Dude looked invincible. Now he’s in trouble.

When Dana White, head of the UFC, says you’re in really bad shape, chances are something is terribly wrong. When the same guy says you may never fight again after he’s been passing you off as the second coming of Christ, things are really terrible. Lesnar was first diagnosed with mono, THEN with swine flu, and then with something worse. What’s worse than swine flu? A rare intestinal condition that he’ll need surgery for. White mentioned something about Lesnar going up to Canada and bad things happening, but I’m unclear as to what intestinal conditions you can catch in Canada that are almost life-threatening.

Anyway, the fighter’s been mum for the last three weeks since canceling his next, highly anticipated title bout. White said he would be getting surgery at the Mayo clinic.

Get well, Lesnar. We need people in this world to beat the hell out of people in a cage.

In news that will make nerd orgasms around the world ten times as strong, Industrial Light and Magic digitally inserted R2-D2 into Star Trek, thereby not-digitally inserting my boner in my camo cargo shorts.

Industrial Light and Magic first denied the fact that R2-D2 was in the film, and had anyone who spoke of R2-D2 killed. Digitally. But now, with the DVD release, you can actually freeze frames. So you can see R2-D2, without ILM killing you.

This is probably the most epic cameo in history. For years, Star Wars fans and Star Trek fans have been ready to kill each other between fistfuls of cheetos. Arguing about who would win, the Death Star vs. the Enterprise, Captain Kirk versus a Jawa. But look at this. Together, we can be united by a hidden easter egg in an obscure DVD.

This isn’t the most bizarre cameo in a science fiction movie, though. If you freeze-frame Cloverfield at about the hour and a half mark, you can see Mr. T eating a pie on one of the Mongooses from Halo. Before he runs off and is eaten by the giant unnamed monster.

Okay, I made that up. That didn’t really happen. But Princess Leia gets a blowjob in Independence Day.

One of the most surprising things about Sarah Palin’s new book is that Sarah Palin knows how to write. Other surprising things about the book include its entire lack of any use of crayon. There are no bite marks on the edges of the book where Sarah though that it was a sandwich. When Sarah is in public at her book signings, there isn’t any ink on her face from her thinking that her face was the book. Something unsurprising about the book, though, was that Newsweek Senior Editor Michael Hirsh said that the book, “confirmed… some of the questions about her mastery of the issues.”

Such questions as, “Why would anyone think Sarah Palin mastered any issues?” and, “Who is biting my leg? Oh, that’s Sarah Palin that’s doing that.”

However, I don’t want to come off as completely sarcastic, and there are some really awesome things about the new book. For instance, the book is designed to be able to sense when a wolf is within 50 yards of the reader, hover into the air, and then fire itself at killing speeds of up to 148 mph at the wolf. Also, the book is completely non-recyclable, it has a half-life of 25,000 years, is irradiated, and drips cattle farm runoff so as to provide maximum environmental impact. Finally, she rewrote the Gospel of John to include way more instances of Jesus referring to gay people as, “My Dad’s only mistake.”

The title of the book is “Going Rogue”. Other titles for the book that they decided not to go with included: “What? Why Should I Pick The Title, You’re The Ghost Writer, You Pick The Damn Title”, “Katie Couric: Fuck Her”, or Sarah’s favorite title, which was just a confusing garbled jumble of letters and numbers, many of which it seemed Sarah invented herself.

If you’d like to read about more right-wing zaniness, check out this fine young article comparing Fox News to the Disney Channel.

Celebrities love to name their babies things that no one else would name a child, either because they are exceptionally creative people, or because they secretly hate babies. No one is sure which, all they know for sure is that if you are a celebrity, and you name your baby “Tea Tree” it is pretty much guaranteed by anyone with even half a college degree that they will do drugs and end up in rehab and then somehow Dr. Drew will make money off of them. But that hasn’t stopped celebrities from naming their babies unusual things. It all began with Queen Elizabeth I, the first “celebrity” Queen of England. She is widely acknowledged as the first celebrity Queen for her popularity, her outspoken behavior, her hosting of a game show where people confronted their fears for money, and then in her later years landing a job as Color Analyst for the popular UFC franchise. At any rate, Elizabeth was the first celebrity to name her child something unusual. Her first child was named John, but she decided in a fit of whimsy to name her second born “Influenza”, which was ironic because at six years of age Influenza died of the Black Plague, which is a very different disease.

From then on celebrities have named their children unusual things: Rumour, Camera, Kal-El, Free, and Apple, just to name a few. In that spirit, here below are the top 20 Names I Hope That Celebrities Will One Day Name Their Children:

1. Dog Taco

20. Window

Glenn Beck is Miley Cyrus

Both sell out tours, and nobody really knows why. Both are treated in a condescending way by members of their own professions, because they’re kinda nutters, yet keep getting gigs. Both are spawned by poor white trash, (Beck’s words), and both have incredibly doughy faces. Like, you could knead Glenn Beck and Miley’s face together and have a delicious Italian meal.

Bill O’Reilly is Walt Disney

They helped build their respective brand-names, on the backs of baiting white majorities, and casually making fun of minorities. Just casually. Also, they both look like crotchety guys who sit on porches. The only difference is Walt Disney had vision. Bill O’Reilly just has a gigantic head. Literally, a gigantic head.

Greta Van Susteren is Raven Symone

Just because every time I see them, I find myself crying at the TV, “WHY? WHY IS SHE HERE?! SHE’S SO DAMN AWKWARD!” The only difference between the two is Greta Van Susteren talks like a black comic doing a bad impression of a white person. Just like little orphan Annie Coulter.

Little Orphan Annie Coulter is Ashley Tisdale and Lindsay Lohan

They’re both blond, look kinda equine, and are known for playing bitches. Although little Annie Coulter is getting way less convincing than The Tis. But I feel like orphan Annie could also be Lindsay Lohan, as anybody who has seen Annie speak, myself included, has come away convinced that not only does she ramble incoherently, she has an eating disorder.

Sean Hannity is Cole Sprouse

Well, they both look like gigantic babies. And I get the feeling that, like Sean Hannity, if Cole Sprouse was not on TV, he would be working construction. Like Sean Hannity did. Because Sean Hannity never graduated from a college. Enjoy your news.

Mike Huckabee is All of the Country Bears Rolled into a Single Person

Seriously. He is.

Bill Hemmer is Zac Efron

It’s the hair. The hair. The impossibly coiffed hair. Also, the fact that they are porcelain dolls.

(Source)

Jane Skinner is Vanessa Hudgens

Both are omnipresent in their company’s productions, and as of this moment, nobody can explain to me why.

“2012″ has been riding high off of a huge internet buzz, where the trailers were dissected, played, and replayed again. The plot of “2012″? It turns “2012.” And then everything falls apart, babies burst into flame, and butterflies carry fire-axes. The movie scooped up 65 million here in the US, but overseas, well, it destroyed overseas. (In film, and in account books.)

The film collected:

17.2 million in France.

15.3 million in Russia.

9.9 million in South Korea

and 8.1 million in Spain.

In total, it took in $225 million, overseas included. No other movie has made that kind of bank. Can you imagine that? What other sort of movie could make that sort of bank in South Korea? Not even a movie that is made in South Korea about South Korea with South Koreans could make that much money, even if you paid South Koreans to come see it.

The opening is the biggest ever for a non-franchise property. Which means we will see more announcements of world-destroying movies in the next couple of days.

For one thing, it’s just stupid and typical that Hollywood is capitalizing on the world’s fears with this movie. Roland Emmerich is the perfect guy to do this, too. If you can’t quite remember why you know his name, it’s because he did “Independence Day”, “Godzilla”, and “The Day After Tomorrow”, all disaster movies — in more ways than one, am I right? HOO-HA! Anyway.

For another thing, why has the world suddenly decided that, yes, the Mayans really knew what they were talking about? Forget that old fraud Nostradamus, forget our Christian evangelicals, forget the Y2K bug, it’s the Mayan calendar that really holds the truth. If all you’re looking forward to in your life is for the world to end, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you need to get out more, maybe join an Extreme Frisbee league, have some sex. Because hey, there’s a ton of great shit out there to enjoy before you bite it, okay? Climb out of your bunker and breathe in the LOVE, BROTHER!

And one last thing: why John Cusack? The Master of the Underplayed Scene cannot possibly be a good fit for this role, which will undoubtedly call for him to do a lot of running, screaming, and teeth-gnashing. Don’t get me wrong; I love the guy. “Grosse Pointe Blank” is one of my all-time faves. But this is beneath him, frankly. Come on, man. “The Grifters”. Knowhadamsayin’? “Better Off Dead”, “Say Anything”, “Being John Malkovich”. Dude. Seriously.

But I’m sure this movie will do gangbusters at the box office. ‘Cause, y’know … explosions. Gigantic tsunamis. Earthquakes. Dogs and cats, living together. Fine, fine theater. Someone see this and let me know what you thought. I’ll wait until 2012 to rent it.

Mashups. They’ve had Freddy Vs. Jason, they’ve had Alien Vs. Predator, but if you’ve been paying attention, like I have, you’ve noticed that they haven’t had Uncle Buck fight Rainman, and frankly, that’s a problem. Hollywood has thrown all sorts of completely disparate franchises together to make a quick buck, and most of them haven’t worked so far, but that’s because they’ve been too obvious. What needs to happen is they need to start throwing together characters that would just be totally rad if they fought each other. Here below is what I’m sure will be a list that will help out the world more than any other list has so far.

The Top 10 Famous Movie Character Mashups that Should Happen But Won’t:

1. Julia Style’s character in Save The Last Dance vs. Starscream

2. The Runaway Bride vs. Zatoichi: The Blind Swordsman

3. Rocky Vs. Shallow Hal

4. Hannibal Lecter Vs. Doc from Back To The Future

5. Milo and Otis Vs. The Secret Organization that kidnaps hot tourist chicks from Hostel

6. The Godfather (Al Pacino) Vs. The Bad News Bears

7. Anton Chigurh from No Country For Old Men Vs. any Sandra Bullock character

8. Method and Red Vs. The Terminator

9. Alvin and The Chipmunks Vs. Party Monster

10. The Incredible Hulk Vs. the kid from Pay It Forward

And that’s just the obvious ones.

Anyone else got any mashups they’d like to see?

With all Del Taco’s talk of Macho Burritos and Extreme soda sizes, they’ve totally got the jock/tough-guy/XXX-sports-enthusiast market pretty much taken care of. If you’ve ever punched a Prius until it was a Ford F-250, or climbed a mountain without any rappelling equipment, or been a muscular bald black guy with an iron cross tattoo at a heavy metal concert, the Del’s got your number. But what of the rest of us? The men who consider the exercise Super Mario gets while we’re playing him our exercise. The guys who look more like Hillary Swank’s female characters than her male ones? The guys who drop Charles Bukowski references at a Dodgers game. The nerds, the indie kids, the thin guys who would rather read a good book on an expensive couch than climb something — where are our burritos, Del Taco? Hence my suggestions for a new menu at Del Taco focused exclusively on the anti-macho subset of men that myself and my ilk belong to. It is a menu for any guy who has ever used the word “ilk” in that last sentence.

THE WIMPY GUY MENU:

The Cheesy Asthmatic: A paper-thin chicken and jack cheese quesadilla that comes with a string tied to it that leads into an inhaler.

Red and Green Burrito Fassbinder: It is more or less a normal Red and Green Burrito, except it comes with an attractive girl wearing Weezer glasses who stands behind you and laughs at your obscure movie references.

Churro Inchurrito: An inch long churro, that costs the same amount as a regular churro, so you can keep your tiny frame svelte.

Taco Del Recent Unusual Bands: The only carne asada taco that’s received over an 8.0 rating on pitchfork media dot com.

Feminist Nachos: They’re like the Macho Nachos except that they don’t rhyme, instead of chicken or beef, they have invective sprinkled liberally over them, and after you’re done eating them you want to look into your partners eyes and say, “I get you,” while you make love to them.

(Photo Via: Dan’s MP)

We are excited to announce our much anticipated Manolith iPhone app has finally hit the App Store! You can now get the full mobile experience of Manolith.com for FREE! If you’re looking for a fast-paced, sleek looking app to complement weird eye-popping videos and pictures, this is definitely for you.

We’d like to thank our friends at Mobile Roadie for all their help in launching our first app. The move to mobile is something we are very excited about and hope you guys really enjoy.

Be on the lookout for more exclusive content, giveaways and cool new features on Manolith mobile. We definitely would like to hear from you, so try it out and let us know what you think.

Download Now:

Manolith iPhone App

What are you doing with your lives? Seriously, what are you doing? I know you were really excited about the prospect of seeing a scary movie shot on a handi-cam in a theater at midnight, but did you really think it’d be ridiculously awesome? That it wouldn’t feature insanely annoying lead characters? Would you like a do-over? Here’s what you do.

Go to a local video store. A Blockbuster, Uncle Gus’ Movie Shack, whatever the hell you have near you. Walk in, and ask for REC. It’s a Spanish movie, but don’t let that deter you. Reading subtitles is actually an Olympic sport, so you can pretend like you’re training. If they don’t have it, merely burn the store down, and go to the next one. Repeat this process until you find it. Or log on to YouTube. Apparently, since the movie has limited distribution in the states, you can find and watch the whole thing there.

REC is probably the greatest zombie movie ever made, using the same principles that powered Cloverfield, The Blair Witch Project, and countless other modern ventures into horror: it’s from the perspective of a film crew. Only the difference is, where all those movies blew, REC is one of the scariest movies I’ve ever seen. It was remade by American film companies into Quarantine, and of course, they made it lame. Do yourself a favor and see it now. Cause Paranormal Activity is two shrill idiots fighting about a demon. He should’ve just kicked that bitch outside.

For those of you who know him by the incorrect nomenclature, Hootie, Darius fronted a college rock band, Hootie and the Blowfish. Whose songs still hold up. And were the precursor to other acts such as Guster and The Dave Matthews Band. Basically, any college bro-rock you can think of was heavily influenced by Hootie and his Blowfish. But then, after they sold upwards of twenty million albums, they dropped off the face of the earth. And everyone assume Darius Rucker was dead. But he wasn’t. He was in Nashville, absorbing all the country music he possibly could. He came back with a country solo album, which had three number one singles reach the top of the country billboard charts.

And last night, at the Country Music Awards, he was awarded. Oh, was he awarded. With the best new artist. Making him the first African-American man to win that distinction. To be fair, I don’t blame him. The only ceremony that could be whiter is the albino achievement awards.

Goddammit, that’s ten more dollars in the jar of bad jokes.

I’ve never really imagined Shaq having a hot love life before. If the dude dates like he plays, he goes for what’s close. Anything 15-feet away is a no-go. Va’Shaundya O’Neal, or Shaunie, his wife, has tagged the separation up to irreconcilable differences. This despite the fact that when the couple were going to get a divorce back in 2007, they had decided to stay together instead and try and work out said differences.

Do you think when Shaq pops off, he shoots like Shaq normally does? So she’s like, on my chest this time, and he winds up knocking over the bedside lamp? Just a thought. Katt Williams, an actually funny comedian, has a great routine about how gangsta Shaq’s wife was. She’s about 5′5″, has sex with Shaq, and has had five of his babies. Think of the trauma that woman has endured.

Rumors are swirling about Shaq’s involvement with Gilbert Arena’s fiance. Awww, Shaq. Messing around with another NBA star’s wives is not a good idea. You’re liable to get fouled.

I’m not going to insinuate that people in showbiz are out of ideas, but come on. Read this headline. Read this, and tell me it isn’t true. CBS has reportedly offered the creator of the twitter feed @shitmydadsays a deal to turn his twitter feed into a network sitcom.

But this isn’t the first website to have that distinction. No, the first website that got a television deal was TextsFromLastNight, which was scooped up by Adam Sandler’s production company and Sony Television. Will and Grace creators David Kohan and Max Mutchnick will be the EP’s for the Shit My Dad Says On Television show, guaranteeing that it will probably be lame.

Are TV execs the dumbest people alive? These are 30 second blurbs that you read. If they’re going to extrapolate characters, they’re going to get a sitcom like all the other sitcoms out there already. Boy moves back in with his father, who is cantankerous. That’s basically Frasier, transposed. Nobody wants to see another Frasier. Or Everybody Loves Raymond, or All In The Family, or King Of Queens. Are you getting the idea yet?

Stop watering the TV landscape down with half-retarded sitcoms and 90% crime shows. We deserve better. We deserve more South Parks and It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphias.

And the first announced order of business for Sh!t My Dad Says, the sitcom? Changing the title. Lame.

If you haven’t read the Twilight books, consider yourself lucky. Basically, it’s 800 pages of eye-f*cking. Punctuated by fights every 200 pages, and then a baby at the end. There. I saved you a huge amount of time. But the pre-teens love them, as it’s the closest thing they’ll get to the actual sexy times without damage.

Anyway, Edward, eternally 17-year-old vampire who spends his time hanging out in high schools and preying on young girls, drives a Volvo. Not really the choice of cars among teenagers, or the immortal, I imagine. I mean, Volvos keep you safe, and if you’re immortal, you really don’t need to worry about that. Says Volvo…

“It was a missed opportunity in the first film because the car had actually four minutes in the film, which is unheard of in product placement. It did really well without us doing anything, so with the second film we worked with the studio to develop a global program.”

There you have it. A global program. There is nothing Twihards won’t buy. Even really unsexy cars.

Tyler Perry presents “I Can Do Bad all by Myself”, Tyler Perry presents “Madea Goes to Jail”, Tyler Perry presents — so many things these days it’s often hard to distinguish between products that are and are not Tyler Perry related. In fact, there are so many Tyler Perry “presented” products that by 2011 it is expected that one in seven people reading this post will have been “presented” by Tyler Perry at some point in their life. Usually while they were dressed like a muscular, excessively tall older black woman with a chip on her shoulder.

There are still a few things out there, however, that Tyler Perry hasn’t presented, so I thought I’d make a list of the things that I wish that Tyler Perry would present. Please feel free, in your comments, to leave your suggestions for what you would want Tyler Perry to present, and maybe with our powers combined, we can get him to present them.

1. Tyler Perry Presents: “Doubt”

If only because I think Tyler Perry, in drag, would make an excellent Sister Aloysius Beauvier. Madea would be a way radder person than Meryl Streep to sternly yell, “I have my certainty.”

2. Tyler Perry Presents: Madea Goes To Ernest Saving Halloween.

It’s only a matter of time before these two opinionated cultural icons butt heads in a hilarious attempt to stop garbage goblins from stealing Halloween.

3. Tyler Perry Presents: Afghanistan

Sure, Madea is tough and no nonsense, but she is also fair and even handed and I think she would do a pretty good job stabilizing that war torn region.

4. Tyler Perry Presents: Wild Alaskan Salmon

Tyler Perry’s sharp eye for dialogue, and his keen sense of how a black family would act if Madea interrupted their backyard barbecue could easily be shifted into overseeing the catching and packaging of fresh water Pacific Salmon in an environmentally responsible manner.

5. Tyler Perry Presents: Roe Vs. Wade

Tyler Perry’s money and power could go a long way to strengthening the position of the pro-choice lobby in congress, also he knows Alfre Woodard and she adds her own strengths to any cause she backs. Those strengths being an impressive, deep-seated dignity, and the ability to bite through steel.

Check out what it comes with:

- Two-disc Special Edition DVD (Released everywhere on 11/3)
- Night Raven Jet with Air Viper (Toy)
- M.A.R.S. Troopers Action Figures
- Really Awesome Graphic Poster

These collectors items are awesome and only available for a limited time. Also, check out this cool new “G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Basic Training” iPhone app.

Here’s how to enter!

Leave a comment telling us YOUR FAVORITE ACTION FIGURE OF ALL TIME (e.g. “G.I. Jane”)

Follow us on Twitter and Tweet this: “I want the G.I. Joe Prize pack from @Manolith ” along with a link back to this post.

You get one entry for each of the above, so the more you enter, the more chances you have to win!

NOTE: Please use a valid e-mail address.

ONE winner will be chosen randomly. Entries limited to United States of America residents only.

Giveaway ends Wednesday 11/18/09. Winners will be reached by email, and announced on the blog on 11/18/09.