Dude got pulled over in Washington state, too. That’s like: the ultimate place to smoke pot in. No, really. That’d be like reading the Bible poolside in Nazareth. But better. And there’d be pot involved. Anyway, dear Manolith reader, there really isn’t much of a story here. Tim Lincecum smokes pot. Big deal. Anyone who saw his commercial for the 2K games a while back could probably tell.

After all, what the hell else is there to do up in Washington, anyway? From The Columbian:

Tim Lincecum, star pitcher for the San Francisco Giants, is facing charges of misdemeanor possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia use after being stopped for speeding on I-5 last week.

At 8:23 a.m. Oct. 30, Washington State Patrol trooper and spokesman Steve Schatzel said, a motorcycle trooper working with a laser device timed a 2006 Mercedes Benz doing 74 mph northbound in Hazel Dell near Northeast 78th Street — where the speed limit is 60 mph.

The trooper pulled the Mercedes over. When the driver, Lincecum, rolled down his window, the trooper smelled marijuana. He asked Lincecum to hand it over, and Lincecum reached into his dashboard console and produced a small pouch and a pipe, Schatzel said.

The amount was 3.3 grams, Schatzel said, which is considered only enough for personal use. Lincecum did not appear to be impaired behind the wheel and is not being charged with a felony crime, Schatzel said.

Now, you may not know this, but you can actually USE a baby for lots of different reasons. An easy one would be to place the baby on the sinkhole in the tub in lieu of a stopper, as so your precious bathwater would not go to waste. This is where the phrase “Don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater” comes from.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of different ways to use a baby that people don’t tell you about. Here’s just a few of my favorites:

• Door stop.
• Beanbag footstool. I’ve always wanted, when sitting on a beanbag, to have a footstool. As it seems, a baby does just fine.
• Hermann Göring stand in during re-enactment of the Nuremberg Trials.
• Target practice for ninja throwing stars.
• Secondary dog chew toy. You’ll find that although no baby has a “squeaker”, they will still make noise when chewed.
• A “Norm” from Cheers stand in. Just place baby on bar stool next to you and tell it about your day. Then have lots of drinks with aforementioned baby.
• Blame. You can blame anything and everything on the baby, from a fart to the unraveling of your marriage.

Check back to Manolith soon, we’ll continue bringing you more ways to use a baby.

Last night, AJ Sokalner, one of the bigger names in celebrity photography  (in the not-quite-paparazzi not-quite-Richard-Avendon sort of way) died mere minutes after shooting Lady Gaga arriving at the ACES awards. It’s pretty sad. Look at her outfit. She’s just kind of sad herself. I totally bet Satan has something to do with this. Did anyone else see The Omen? I’m tellin’ ya.

Anyway, our hearts go out to AJ Sokalner, who I’m sure was a totally rad guy. In fact, I’m sure he was. If you’re willing to sit out in the cold and wait around for Lady Gaga, of all people, to show up, you deserve something. Perhaps an award. Let’s get him one.

So you thought ice skating was just for little girls and whimsical New Yorkers? Well think again. It’s actually the sport of the most manly fucking people out there. Like, brutally manly people. Guys that eat a steak while punching suffragettes. Guys who ride fixed gear bikes up a mountain of beef jerky and stubble. These are the kinds of guys that fart fire and shit brimstone. They put lots of hot peppers on their pizza. They drink full calorie sodas. Yes, I’m running out of ideas.

Cough.

ANYWAY. But look out, world. Stephen Colbert — the popular late night tv host — is sponsoring the United States Speed Skating Team, after Netherlands-based bank DSB backed out. WHOOPS ON THEIR PART, INDEED. From the AP Wire:

“We must ensure that it is America’s 38-inch thighs on that medal platform!” Colbert exhorted.

Bob Crowley, executive director of US Speedskating, said Colbert “embracing the US Speedskating Team will provide immeasurable exposure for our sport and very talented athletes.”

The team has quite the track record, including 75 Olympic medals and such alumni as Dan Jansen, Bonnie Blair and Eric Heiden. It ranks as the most successful of any United States winter sports team.

Donations can be made via www.colbertnation.com or through US Speedskating’s site.

From CNN.com:

“We tour eight months out of the year, and we are always traveling around,” Nathan Morris said. “It’s hectic for us always being in airplanes and airports. He got sick, and it hit him pretty hard. We go all over the world really, so I am surprised it hasn’t happened earlier, to be honest,” Nathan Morris said. “I talked to [Stockman] today, and he is doing much better.”

Yeah. So it’s all good, baby baby. We’ll be seein’ each other again real soon. Stay pretty, sweet thang.

1. Due to her imminent hatred of affordable health care, she will be as pure as the driven snow due to the fear of any sort of malady. This is important, because unless you’re Anne “Fisty Shake” Coulter, right wing women have never so much showered in the nude. They fear it more than life itself, that whole “being free” sort of thing. They hate freedom, and that is why they want to take away the very basic human right of being naked AT ANY TIME.
2. Fox News Channel watchers are proven to being easily led, like sheep, or American Idol viewers. This means that you will have a veritable Willy Wonka playground of poonani. Do you want to try the sexual positions that you’d only dreamed about, such as:
   * Mongolian Beaver Hat
   * The Horatio Alger
   * Chase The Cat
   Well, now you can. Because no sooner than you can say “Tea Bagging” can you get her to do unusual sexual positions.
3. The best Christmas presents are the ones tightly wrapped. You can take that many different ways, such as the fact that Republican woman are LITERALLY wrapped in paper and put in a cardboard box with no breathing holes OR you could take it metaphorically, in the way that they are so bundled up in LL Bean mock-turtlenecks and Seinfeld-era jeans, that underneath it all they’re all 10’s. No joke. Nobody has even considered this. Nobody has considered this because nobody thinks outside the box. Literally. The box. (they call that a ‘callback’ in comedy, folks).
4. They are relentless. As in: they will not stop fucking you until they have taken your lifeforce they climax. And when they climax, an eagle will appear at the window and sing ‘God Bless America’ in the voice of James Earl Jones.
5. Think about it: Sarah Palin naked. You’d do it. I’d do it. We’d all do it.
6. Every time a Liberal winds up having sex with a Republican, Bill O’Reilly loses an eyebrow hair. If we keep it up, he will have no eyebrows, and thus he will not be able to show indignation, resentment, hypocrisy, or any other one of the emotionally blackmailing faces that he does on his show to make the viewer think that Republicans actually care about them. Basically, if we keep fucking Republicans, there’ll be no Bill O’Reilly within a month. And that would make a better world.
7. They will lie and cheat their way into whatever they want. And to be honest, that’s kind of hot. It’s nice to see someone make an effort once in a while, even if it is things like ‘destroying your civil liberties’ and ‘taking your freedoms away’.

Regardless, it’s quickly gaining a lot of airplay in “the club”, even if Dev sort of reminds me of Krusty The Clown.

It’s very important for you to like and appreciate what’s going on “in the club”, because “in the club” is where all the really cool things go on, like ‘waiting in lines’ and ‘drinking alcohol with a 400% price increase’. And waiting in line for a bathroom. And having the whole club smell like pee, anyway. And spending $40 on mid-range alcohol to give to some girl who for $2 you could have met at the coffee shop. And do you like talking to door people? Man, clubs are so awesome.

I just don’t get his appeal. How can Fox News watchers even come vaguely close to liking anything he says? He’s the smuggest asshole in the world, as is Glenn Beck, and they don’t so much pander to the idiots that watch Fox News, as they rub them on their heads and go, “yes you areeeee!” while decrying the Obama administration that’s working hard to protect civil liberties. I mean, HONESTLY, y’all. And now he jumps upon liking dead baby cow fetuses. What the hell. Is he drunk? Can I have what he is drinking? He is drunk on the blood of idiots. I want to punch him so bad it hurts. Just once! Just once when he isn’t looking. That’s all I want for Christmas.

What do you think? That people shouldn’t be “aborted cow fetuses” when writing to the O’Reilly show? Is that irony encapsulated? Aren’t the viewers of the O’Reilly show stupid enough without being coerced into 500-year-old Shakespearean words for “idiots”?

In case you didn’t know – because you’re not in the know – because you are fat and ugly and live under a rock – there’s a clothing line called ‘Warriors Of Radness’.

I KNOW.

Let me say that again. It’s called ‘Warriors Of Radness’ and they make clothing reminiscent of late 80’s / early 90’s Southern California. Kind of like, say, Saved By The Bell, but what the cool kids who were always outside smoking would wear (because cool kids smoke) (actually don’t smoke because it’s really fucking bad for you). So there you have it. The style is coming back into vogue, and you will be seeing the simple-yet-very-fucking-stylish look coming back around reaaaaaaal soon. Did I mention how awesome it is to have a shirt with ‘WARRIOR OF RADNESS’ on it? It’s one of the greatest marketing feats of all time. Totally genius. It’s almost like actually BEING a warrior, except you’re doing it just to be totally rad. Honestly, I don’t know why you haven’t already rushed out the door to get one of their awesome shirts or gnar hoodies already. But wait! You can do it all online, right here! Click through, buddy ol’ friend. You’ll be a Warrior Of Radness in no time.

A lot of ‘new media’ folks were there and really, really got into the good spirit of the show. Some of the entries were mindblowingly good… so good, infact, that during one particular short about a kid with a television set for a head one particular blogger (this guy as in ‘me’) cried like a little bitch. Why? Because I’m fucking sensitive and wear scarves indoors and listen to Morrissey (fact: I don’t listen to Morrissey). IN CELEBRITY NEWS Joseph Gordon-Levitt (500 Days Of Summer, Brick) showed up and his short was pretty rad. Infact, all of the shorts were really rad.

Hopefully they’ll do it again soon, it really was a great show in all aspects. And hey! Do you follow Manolith’s Tumblr? You should. You WILL.

It is not, as you might think, a dyslexic homage to renowned character and voiceover actor Morgan Freeman. It is infact a way of LIFE. This way of life is dedicated to:

• Dumpster Diving. Should you want a bagel, Monsieur? Then go to the dumpster outside a bagel shop after closing, and you will find perfectly good 8 hour old bagels JUST SITTING THERE LIKE IT AINT NO THANG.
• Barter. Gosh, does that guy’s bike need fixing. Boy, do you need an In-N-Out burger. Hey! Why don’t you fix his bike for $5.01, the exact price of a #1 with whole grilled onions and a milkshake plus CA State tax?
• Beg. There is nothing wrong with saying “hey buddy, howzabouta loaf of bread”.
• Forage for wild food, such as berries, nuts, and other things that grow. This also means that should you perhaps find a field of marijuana you can take that, too, because you are one lucky bastard and will be able to afford like A GAZILLION day old bagels now.
• Curb Shop. This means you can take whatever is laying on the curb. Do you know how the ‘Mattress King’ guy you see on TV became the Mattress King? He started out just like you and me, on the streets. Getting alllll the mattresses. Yup. Thats how the world works.
• Become a Meegan. A Meegan someone that eats meat that would otherwise go to waste. Like Slim Jims, and beef jerky. Sounds good to me, amiright?
• Become a Heegan. Actually I just made that one up, because the word sounds funny. Tee hee! Adding ‘eegan’ to anything sounds funny.

Ok, back to the serious stuff. You are NOT HOMELESS. You are simply “free of the contraints of a normal Capitalist job”. Don’t get a job because ‘The Man’ wants you to! You’re a rebel, Dottie. A loner. You live on the edge and live only for yourself, like a badass outlaw or cowboy except you’re broke as fuck and drinking labeless beer behind a grocery store.

But man, what a way to live. Free. You answer to nobody. You are your own master. You are your own God. You are you’re own landlord, ex girlfriend, Uncle With A Mustache And a Creepy Smile, and your own best friend, all rolled into one. You are: A Freegan.

For more, check out this from Oprah, or this from The New York Times Newspaper. It’s a wonderful way of life.

Do you know how much Photoshop costs? It’s like $600. That’s insane. I mean, all it really is, if you think about it, is a disc. Sure, the stuff ON the disk cost something like, lets say, including everyones salaries, like a million bucks to make. You can make the same stuff for FREE with Pixlr (google it). But I digress. I wonder how long it took him to do all of these. Probably a really long time. Man, I can barely keep my hands still long enough to contentrate on that sort of stuff. Mostly because I drink way too much coffee and have ADD. That’s probably why. It sucks when you drink too much coffee and start acting like Doc from Back To The Future, all walking around going “GREAT SCOTT”! Anyway. I’ve said enough. This is all by photographer and photoshopper Agan Harahap.

Thanks to RXFresh.com.

It happens to the best of us, dear readers. Sometimes, out of nowhere, you get unfairly fired. But all hope is not lost! Here’s a handy dandy list of what you can do to pull a Partridge Family and c’mon-get-happy.

1. Pull yourself together. LITERALLY. As in: hug yourself. That’s right. Don’t be afraid. Are you afraid? Then you probably shouldn’t be around yourself.

2.Do not be afraid to expose your inner child. Although, it should be said that exposing your child to anyone else could be considered indecent exposure.

3. Don’t listen to Coldplay. No really, don’t listen to them. That should be a given. Just: don’t. Remember that ‘Civil War’ bullshit they did? I mean, ‘Vida La Vida’ wasn’t that bad of a song, but then they had to go all Gettysburg Address on us. Wha da fuh.

4. Now that you aren’t listening to Coldplay, be sure to buy a jaunty hat. This will make everything better. Look at Peter Pan, Batman, and Liberace. They were all very happy with themselves and very secure in who they were.

5. Take up a hobby.
Do not take up the hobby of ‘Driving Around At Night Listening To Philip Glass With Your Headlights Off’.
Do not take up the hobby of ‘Trenchcoat Parking Guy With Hook’.
Do take up the hobby of ‘Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Official Breast Wrangler.
Do take up the hobby of ‘Professional Sandwich Eater’.

6. Nobody likes a sad person. Force yourself to smile, even if this means sticking two fingers in your mouth and pulling your lips into a smiling position. This will show that you are making EFFORT. People like EFFORT.

7. People also like people that CAPITALIZE. This would explain the popularity of Kanye West.

8. Eat bread right before you go to sleep. This will ensure that come Winter, when you still don’t have a job, you shall be snug in your own fat – like a Walrus or Manatee. Observe the Manatee. This shall be you.

9. Resume? Schmesume. If people want a resume, just tell them everything you want them to know on a Denny’s placemat drawn with a crayon. Be sure to color outside the lines, as this will show the future employee you think outside the box, literally and figuratively.

10. Nobody likes a quitter, so develop dependencies to both Heroin and Nicotine. Also: the television drama ‘House’.

11. Listen to the song ‘Goodbye Horses’ with your genitals tucked inbetween your legs and dance infront of the mirror. Ah, you got the movie reference? Well this will be you in a matter of DAYS unless you find a job.

12. Ask everywhere for a job. Ask down potholes, sewer grates, inside trash cans, and piles of waste. This is because the Ninja Turtles, Oscar The Grouch, and The Fraggles are all expert job hunters and will be able to assist you.

13. When you get a job interview, make sure that you dress the part. The part will be: Hamlet.

14. Be sure to offer a strong handshake to your future employer.

15. Be sure to tell your future employer that you have studied under both Alfred Kinsey and John Wayne Gacy. This will impress him.

16. Be sure to have a flower that squirts water in your lapel pocket. It will make you seem classy and refined.

17. And finally, if all is lost, you can always go back to your old work and pretend you still work there. They won’t mind. Nor will the guy with your old desk, because when you got fired you had the wherewithall to put a tuna sandwich in there, taped the the bottom, so he will never find it. You are a cunning wizard.

After Nirvana frontman Kurt Cobain professed his adoration for cult singer-songwriter cum artist Daniel Johnston, Daniel experienced a huuuuge surge in popularity. Again. In the mid-’80s he’d been somewhat of a cult figure for his self-recorded albums describing love, loss, and everything else. The thing is, Daniel is somewhat of a schizophrenic — making ‘outsider’ music that would definitely not get played on the Top 40 stations, but that has been beloved by college radio DJs and listeners for 25 years now. A few years back there was a documentary made about him, “The Devil & Daniel Johnston”, which is great if you’d like to find out more. Personally, I think he’s a fucking genius.

Anyway, with the surge in grunge nostalgia recently, the ‘Hi How Are You?’ album cover shirt, made famous by Kurt Cobain, is making a few appearances in movies and TV again, the most notable example being worn by some male model bro in the recent Drew Barrymore (future wife) movie ‘Whip It’ (which apparently noooobody saw, I am told). Also, duh, Kurt Cobain. That too. Expect to see it a lot more, as it’s available on Daniel Johnston’s official website for a mere $22. It’s the super soft kind too, made on Alternative Apparel shirts. Totally rad. I suggest you pick one up. Be wary of imitators selling them for as high as $45 though.

Visit the Daniel Johnston Official Store at Hi How Are You.com.

Moisturize, why dontcha.

Rupert Murdoch is one scary guy. Although, dude could probably read this (GASP) and have me killed (DOUBLE GASP). But that being said, he now wants the cable companies to pay HIM.

“We will be seeking retransmission dollars from our distributors,” he told the company’s annual shareholder meeting in New York on Friday. “We’re determined to take a leadership position in creating an economic template for the future.”

So, clearly, since this is the network that cancelled The OC (yes, I know Season 3 and 4 sucked but lets overlook that for a second and concentrate how rad it was to have a show that had Mischa Barton and Olivia Wilde make out and have Rachel Bilson amble around in a bikini half the time), they do not know how to think straight. We have to pay for that now? That makes NO sense, broseph. Why don’t you concentrate on actually putting out good shows for once? This is sort of like your poop telling your butt to let it back in. Or something. I mean, really. Pay for FOX? That’s the strangest business strategy ever.

So, right now, over Colorado, this kid is flying away in a helium balloon. I hope this story ends with a happy ending, but that is so badass it hurts if he makes it. Can you imagine? Dude is like TinTin right now.

Apparently he and his Dad were working on this thing and during lunch he apparently just got in it and pressed the lever, or what have you, and flew away. He’s currently somewhere by the Denver airport right now. We shall keep you posted with updates.

Thanks to CBS for the tip!

Which isn’t to say that it’s not good. Air knows how to craft a song, but all but two of these tracks lack any discernible hook, or rather just keep repeating the same (good!) hook over and over until the (now bad!) hook is tired. This reminds me somewhat of Daft Punk’s “Human After All” album, where they too were accused of not putting hardly any effort into it before touring with it and thus transforming the lackluster album into a live spectacle. Maybe that’s what Air will do, too, because right now all this sounds like is spy music for people that don’t want to get their hair wet, or make-out music for the interior design office party.

Hell, Air are probably banging French models all day long to really care too much about how this album sounds. And that’s what it sounds like. It sounds like they brought 19-year-old models back to their apartment and played them this to get them into bed. It will probably work for you, too, but if you’re looking for … how do you say in eengleesh… “depth”? Then this won’t be for you.

And it’s coming out right before Halloween too. So there’s that and… uh… Jennifer’s Body. I love it when Hollywood does this ‘this is the adults table’ type of thing, it’s so choice. But take a look at the clip that people are, indeed, quoting all over the place.

With blog names like ‘Say It Loud’ and ‘Change The Game’, it’s like the GOP is trying reaaaaaaally hard at appealing to black people in a pretty embarrassing way, rendering us at Manolith speechless, wondering why they didn’t go all out white-people-embarrassing and wear backwards baseball hats and start saying “brother” a lot (kind of like our writer Mark after a few drinks). They’ve even got the Michael Steele as their figurehead leader (calling him ‘Chairman’ really doesn’t help their boo-to-socialism agenda…), with him all over the site. It reeks if disingenuousness – taking away womens rights, civil rights, and then plastering the ‘party of the people’ message is total, total crap. Plus, it’s TOOOOTALLY biting Obama’s steez with the design and layout – ripping it off almost wholesale. It’s just bad vibes, man. It’s one thing to – I don’t know – put stem cell research on hold because of RELIGIOUS BELIEFS – but its a whole other ballpark when you’re playing some weird propaganda war like they seem to be doing now. At least get your own design, people. Come on.

Take a look for yourself. What do you think?

From his 1985 birthday party. This is amazing, so cheeseball. You can tell the guy was a real character, through and through.

What a guy.

And finally, dressed up as Mario, telling you not to do drugs.

Every guy out there who networks needs a good business card, but the problem with buying business cards is this: you never know exactly how they’re going to turn out. Most of the time they’re too flimsy, and it’s like giving someone a wet piece of paper with your name on it. And you don’t want that! Fuck no. You want something STRONG and BADASS and GLOSSY because you are the type of person who wants to make an impression (and use words like STRONG and BADASS in every day conversation). The Moo uploader takes away all the hassle of crazy designing and keeps it simple. And Moo does make some really strong, sturdy cards, perfect for making the right impression. Or just impressing that chick at the bar. Or reenacting the business card / dinner scene from American Psycho, that’s what I usually do with me and my dog. Whatever. They’re $21 for 50 cards, and totally worth every penny. Here’s the ones I made (contact info removed for all you’s stalkerz).

Check out these, they hold your phone. And whats better than something that does that? Nothing. iBend’s are super lightweight and durable and now have ART (that’s right!) on them, showing you just how cool your iPhone looks on top of art. And some people say that the iPhone is a work of art in itself. That means you now have art on top of art. Place another piece of art underneath and you have a veritable art sandwich.

The Artist Series and the iBend Classic, available in Black and White, all come two to a pack and can be purchased for $7.99 and $4.99, respectively, at www.myibend.com.