Everyone dies. It’s unavoidable. There are countless different ways to die, and some of them are pretty funny. Denying the humor found in death is just silly – why make things harder on ourselves? And anyway, if kicking the bucket is so inevitable, isn’t going out with a bang, or doing something that you love, better than a boring old die-in-your-sleep? Here are fifteen people who we commend for exiting this world in a unique and awesome way.

Drowning in A Flood of Beer

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What’s manlier than drowning in a flood of beer? The frothy deliciousness which ended lives in 1814 came from a brewery called Meurx’s Horse Shoe in London. When a brand new, 4,000 barrel vat was filled to the brim, a weak support ring burst and let go a giant wave of beer. It ruptured others as a result, one vat lead to another, and a grand total of 1.3 million gallons of beer began destroying houses as it rampaged down the street. It made a noise that stretched for five miles, and drowned or inadvertently crushed nine people to death. If only we could breathe the precious liquid, like in our dreams.

Attempting a Dangerous Stunt

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Block-busting action movies. The X-Games. Nascar Racing. WWE Wrestling. Air shows. All of these popular events are made possible by the brave — and sometimes reckless — individuals who hone the dangerous skills of a stuntman. A single miscalculated move can easily become tragic, like Owen Hart’s unfortunate plunge to death when a WWE stunt went wrong and dropped him over 70 feet to his death inside the ring. It is unfortunate that Hart died relatively young and left behind a family, but Hart’s dedication to his career was respectable to say the least. Performing stunts like the one that killed him was a part of his day-to-day job, and the risks involved were always obvious. Just like the stuntman at Disney World who recently died while preparing to entertain the masses in a rehearsal for the Indiana Jones Epic Stunt Spectacular. These guys died doing what it was they loved most, not allowing the possibility of failure to overcome the drive to succeed, entertaining some loyal fans, and being totally badass.

Whilst Fornicating

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Orgasms rule. Imagine if orgasming was the last thing you ever felt before passing into the black abyss we call death. Great sex, the beginning of an orgasm, enjoying it a whole lot, and then — nothing. That’s it. While some are pleading for a short and painless death, a few lucky ones got an extremely pleasurable one. And this does not include auto-erotic asphyxiation, or death caused by choking one’s self in attempt to achieve a more heightened orgasm. Being found in the bathroom pants-down with a tie around your neck is way more embarrassing than awesome.

Eaten By the Family Pet, Pre or Post Mortem

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The thought of a decomposing body left undiscovered in a house for days, or even weeks, is disturbing. The possibility that the person’s beloved cats and dogs are feasting on his or her rotting corpse is just gross — but kind of interesting. When the elderly pass away, it’s usually pretty quietly and uneventfully. What better way to put a twist on your timely and expected death by being partially recycled by your former best friends and companions? Some people are cremated and spread into the ocean, while some live on in the hearts of their family pets…literally. Bonus points for being found spread about the house with three vicious dogs guarding the remains.

On the other hand, some endure the irony of being eaten by their own food. A man in China was mauled and killed by the French Poodle which was intended to be the contents of his stew at the Shanghai Food Festival. The dog dragged him into an alley where it could feast on his remains in peace, and no one dared to stop it.

Testing Your Own Crappy Invention

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People are constantly inventing new products which will hopefully bring about the creation of something previously impossible or unheard of, or considerably increase the ease of one’s ability to perform some sort of task. Inventions that push the limits of our abilities to fly, move at really high speeds, or do anything that might easily result in death can be controversial and frightening when it comes time to test the product’s efficiency. Like that guy who claimed to have found the cure for AIDS. Who wants to test that out? Fortunately for the rest of us, he did. That guy didn’t die, but the guy who made a DIY parachute and jumped from the Eiffel Tower in 1912 did. The man had guts.

So did the guy who invented a Jet Pod Flying Taxi, which would actually rule if it were to function properly. Unfortunately, the teetering mini-plane struggled to lift off the ground before pivoting to the left and taking a fatal nosedive.

Turning Into Toxic Waste

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Gloria Ramirez’s death was so bizarre, it was the subject of an X-Files episode. It’s unfortunate that Ramirez never got to enjoy her fame, but this one of a kind living [dying?] mystery really sent the medical world for a spin.

Ramirez was a middle-aged woman suffering from advanced cervical cancer when she was rushed to the hospital with slowed heart rate and abnormal breathing. Although staff attempted to medicate her with various sedatives and heart stimulators, it was to no avail. As Ramirez lay dying on the hospital table, she began to smell like what staff described as ‘fruity and garlicky.’ The blood drawn from her arm smelled like ammonia and caused three people to faint with shortness of breath and muscle spasms. Upon further investigation, no conclusion was reached and one victim soon became infected with diseases that were debatably related. A report by the New Times Los Angeles uncovered evidence that suggested methampetamine, which was being illegally manufactured in one section of the hospital, was accidentally injected into Ramirez from a mixed up IV bag. Others speculate that dimethyl sulfate, a poisonous gas, was excreted from her body after a freakish chemical reaction took place within her.

Ramirez’s death remains unsolved, and perfect fodder for mystery crime television shows.

Death By Robot

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Movies like The Matrix and Terminator glorify the possibility of earth being taken over by an evil race of robots, but few have ever really suffered a robot induced death. There’s also no denying that ‘death by robot’ sounds awesome and would automatically earn any modern day hipster band some cool points, no matter how awful they sounded. Everything surrounding this type of death points to pure badass.

Robert Williams is the first ever documented victim of a murderous robot, and met his fate in 1979 at the casting plant where he worked. A robot malfunctioned (or rebelled, whichever you prefer) and robo-punched him so hard that Williams died on the spot.

The second guy ever to be killed by a robot was named Kenji Urada. He was working in a robot filled Kawasaki factory in Japan and forgot to turn one of the robots off before turning his back on it. The robot pushed him into a grinding machine, sort of like in The Mangler, which came after this accident. It makes you think Kenji’s death may have been awesome enough to warrant the creation of a 90s classic written by none other but the horror master Stephen King himself.

Hit By An Airplane While Jogging on the Beach

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Dying on the beach because your ipod drowned out the sounds of a small plane making an emergency landing might not be as badass as it is bizarre. However, that guy’s last memories are pretty fantastic; taking a healthy run through some beautiful scenery while enjoying his favorite tunes. It sure beats the slow demise brought on by cancer, or something un-cool like the worn out ‘get hit by a car or bus’ death.

Saving Someone Else

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The most obviously badass and awesome way to die is going out while performing a heroic act that saves other lives. Sacrificing your own life for the well being of another is one of the deepest acts of kindness one could ever perform. Jumping into a roaring canal to save a young boy ends in drowning. Pulling one’s granddaughters from a fire leaves a grandmother dead from smoke inhalation, beside the family pets who huddled beside her after she collapsed. One guy recently died saving his own bride from drowning after their boat collapsed. That one is pretty sad, but both of them could have died if the man didn’t react so quickly. Case in point: Heroism is awesome and badass, even when it’s sad.

Attempting to Break a Record

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It must have been sad to see J.G. Parry-Thomas go, but at least he bit the bullet trying to reclaim a speed record that was such a big part of his life. Thomas was killed during his race against the clock when a piece of his car broke off and smashed him in the head. Similarly, a man named Donald Campbell was killed trying to break his own water speed record in 1967. His body wasn’t fully recovered until 2001, but at least his death sounded faster than blacking out 561 below the surface of the ocean while trying to set a free diving record.

For a Cause

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Although dying during sex and drowning by beer both have a strong ‘Fuck Yeah!’ factor, sacrificing one’s life for a serious cause wins the badass prize hands down.

Most disgruntled citizens find a peaceful way to become an activist for whatever cause they deem worthy. But what if a day spend marching or picketing isn’t enough? For the Monk Thích Quảng Đức, self-immolation was the perfect form of protest against the persecution of Buddhists in South Vietnam. The amount of resilience, self control, and conviction it must take to not only set yourself on fire but remain seated calmly whilst melting away is just baffling. Those who take a stand and remain there even in the face of death are not to be scoffed at. When’s the last time you even went to a protest for something you claimed to care about? Better yet, when’s the last time you stayed home from one because you were tired or the weather wasn’t ideal?

Eaten By Bears

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Most people know about Timothy Treadwell. He’s a guy who decided that living in a society of bears would suit him more than the human world, and filmed his summers in the wilderness with his furry friends for thirteen years. Treadwell loved the bears as if they were his best friends. There was an undeniable bond formed between himself and the animals with whom he spent countless hours earning trust and recognition. However, his newfound friends were still enormous, carnivorous wild animals. During the fall of 2003, one of the bears that Treadwell had called ‘more aggressive than usual’ in his journal only days earlier was found sitting atop his scattered remains. It had also eaten his girlfriend, Amie Huguenard, who Treadwell documented as ‘impatient’ to get home and never return to the forest.

The camera, which was often used to record interactions with the bears, was rolling, lens cap still on, when the massacre took place. The audio has never been released to the public, but a documentary called Grizzly Man follows the relationship Treadwell had with the animals using many of his personal tapes.

Of course, there’s always the classic get-eaten-while-camping, but knowing the bears that maul you to death is undoubtedly cooler than running screaming through the woods from complete stranger bears.

Struck By Lightning

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Being struck by a giant bolt of electricity from the sky is pretty extreme. It’s so powerful and fast that it can destroy houses or set trees on fire in under a second. A lucky few survive lightning strikes, but most die on the scene of the accident. When lightning isn’t directly destroying people by on horses.

Mortal Kombat’s Pit

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The only awesome death that hasn’t actually happened to anyone (that we know of, at least), is being upper-cutted into the bloody spike pit of death whilst being finished in Mortal Kombat. Falling from such a height that it allows the bellowing of a long and loud “NOOOOOOO!”, becoming impaled in the pit would be a dark and grisly (yet awesome to watch) way to die.

While douchebags can certainly be found in every state across the nation, certain states seem to have a higher concentration than others. If you’re planning to travel, this can serve as your guide to douche sightseeing, or allow you to avoid places with the highest levels of douchebaggery.

Though they’re considered to be the fairer sex, women lie just as much as men — but can be dangerously good at it too. A woman often makes liberal use of the White Lie, if only to spare her boyfriend’s feelings, but women also lie to obscure ulterior motives or to keep hidden feelings from ever being known. Obviously, not all women are created equal, but here are 15 common examples of lies they tell their boyfriends.



“I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

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Though it may sound cliché, people aren’t perfect. If your girlfriend tells you that she wouldn’t change a thing about you, then red flags should go up. There’s always that one annoyance in a partner — sometimes it’s bearable, sometimes it’s not. Hell, you probably see those things in yourself. Usually, women will use this tactic to sweeten their men up, and may even take it from there to get what they want. If you believe this, well, not only do you have quite the ego, but you deserve to be lied to.



“I love sports!”

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Granted, some women do actually enjoy sports, but those aren’t usually the ones that announce it to the world. Those who do are in all likelihood lying. It’s usually the same old desperate attempt to gain male attention, and connect on that much-coveted “guy level.” If she truly does like sports, you’ll come across it when you get to know her — otherwise you should know when she’s bullshitting. Don’t hesitate to call her out, or better yet: Make her sit through an entire game.



“I’m just not ready to be serious right now.”

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Women aren’t the only culprits with this lie, but it’s seen in a very different light when a guy says it. It’s really not surprising when a man says it, and even uses it as an excuse to get with another woman — men usually settle down later than women, and it’s even been boiled down to genetics. Yeah, it’s a double standard, but that’s just how it is. When a woman says it, it’s usually code for “I just want to keep being skanky.” Big clues for this one are the countless “guy friends” she has, because she “doesn’t get along well with other girls.”



“It doesn’t bother me if you look at other women.”

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Many women don’t like to be that “naggy girlfriend,” so they try to be as fair and passive as possible. It’s all a front most of the time, and they wind up seething inside with jealousy at the very thought of their boyfriend looking at another woman. It’s just a natural instinct for a woman to feel the need to keep her partner, but they tend to lie about it anyway to be nice. Girls who use this one tend to be the passive-aggressive type.



“It doesn’t matter how much you make.”

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It’s seen as shallow and gold digger-esque for a woman to openly express the desire for her boyfriend to make a lot of money. When it comes down to it, outside of lala land, it does matter how much you make — at least in pragmatic terms, anyway. People do have to make a living, and they need to have some sort of means of support (Got that, Mister starving artist?). But, instead of talking about finances and expenditures like adults, women like to lie about it to make them seem angelic, romantic, and free-spirited.



“I love spending time with your mom!”

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If you’re lucky, you’ll end up with in-laws you’ll love — but it’s not likely. Women are expected to bond on that girly level with other women, to include their man’s dear old mum — but it’s not realistic to expect them all to get along. A typical woman won’t care about realism in this case; she’ll lie about how much she hates her boyfriend’s mother just to be nice. It’s a terrible idea in the long run, especially if it backfires and she’s forced to spend extended periods of time with the woman.



“I don’t mind picking up the tab tonight.”

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Many women feel the need to be treated like a princess — you know the type. It’s nice to treat a woman to a night out every once in a while, but when she tells her boyfriend she wants to pick up the tab after dinner, she’s probably lying. She wants to look like the nice girl, modern and fair. You can tell if she’s lying right away by checking out her body language. Does she even make an attempt to reach for the check? If not, you should make her pay — maybe she won’t lie about that again.



“I’m not mad at you.”

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This is one of the most common lies a woman will tell her boyfriend, or anyone, really. It’s just one of those frustrating things a guy will have to deal with — she expects everyone to magically predict when she doesn’t like something, even if she’s hiding it. Unless you’re a mind reader, you’ll have to get her to actually talk about what’s bothering her, because most guys will just let this one slide and see it as resolved — don’t. It always blows up later, and be a much bigger headache than the tiny argument you may have now.



“You’re the best I’ve ever had!”

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People say the darndest things during and after sex, but this one is usually a blatant lie. We suppose it’s possible that she’s just had the best ever, but it all depends on her. If she were a virgin, then it’s likely she wasn’t lying. Most women simply say it to give an ego boost men love to get, so this lie isn’t all that harmful. It’s just transparent.



“I don’t mind if you go to the strip club with the guys.”

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Just think back to “I don’t mind if you look at other women.” This is a bit worse than that one; not only would her boyfriend be looking at other women, but mostly/fully naked women groping and grinding on him. Depending on the club in question, it can get even more intense than that. If she tells you she’s alright with this, then she’s probably just being nice (read: Passive). Other possibilities include: She has you incredibly whipped, and expects you not to go after careful consideration, or she may even want to go with you — to keep tabs (…Or watch, but at that point we’re talking about an entirely different subject).



“It wasn’t that expensive.”

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Women love to use this one. Why? Because they can get away with it. Most men have no idea what a purse is worth by looking at it, unless — maybe — it’s the purse pictured above. It’s one of the most expensive purses in the world, crafted from platinum and diamonds, but we bet that your girlfriend could bring home a knock-off that’d have you fooled anyway. 



“Size doesn’t matter, it’s how you use it!”

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Does size really matter? It’s the age old question to which we all would like a definitive answer, and not the Dr. Ruth middle-of-the-road crap, either. Thing is, regardless of how many studies are done, women will still lie about this one, especially if her boyfriend isn’t particularly well-endowed. Think about extreme cases — sometimes it’s just beyond help. Women usually like to be “nice” and think they’re making their boyfriends feel better. If it’s small, he probably knows it.



“He’s just my friend.”

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This is a huge one. Almost all women think that they can be platonic friends with a straight male, but it’s just not the case. People (read: These women) will argue the point to death, but the plain fact of the matter is that given the chance, men will sleep with their female friends. If any woman is actually naive enough to believe this through and through, she usually receives a very rude awakening at some point down the road. Her friend has probably thought about her naked at least twice, if not hundreds of times. What’s worse is if a woman already knows she’s not “just friends” with some guy — that’s when trouble really brews.



“I won’t get mad if you say I look fat in this.”

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This is a tricky one — it’s almost always a trap. It usually goes something like this; a woman will tell her boyfriend to be honest about the jeans that double as sausage encasing for her ass. Whether or not he’s honest is up to him, but women like to get compliments — which is what she’s indirectly fishing for in this situation. She’s lying sure enough, and woman or not, who wants to be called fat?



“Your friends are great! I don’t mind if they come over.”

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Another case of a woman trying to be accommodating; if she says this, then she’s probably lying. It’s rare that a woman genuinely likes her boyfriend’s friends; they come in all types — single and rowdy, drunk and desperate, single and desperate but sober — the list goes on. Not to mention the mess guys make when they come over to watch the game, that she will likely clean when he and his buddies fail to do so. Basically, she’s always weary of the friends and how they might screw up all her hard work.


Nerdy or not, there’s one thing all guys have in common when it comes to the convention circuit — love of cosplay girls. Recent years have taken cosplay from the relatively unknown, largely misunderstood (furries, anyone?) realm of nerdery into the mainstream. Cosplay chicks aren’t the unattractive, dorky type that can’t get boyfriends without costumes — not anymore at least — now they’re booth babes, and ranked above the long-coveted eye-candy that prowl the auto shows. These are the 15 sexiest cosplays of all time, and whether you’re a fan of wherever their characters came from or not, these girls make conventions worth attending all the same.

Motoko Kusanagi – Ghost in the Shell

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If you’re a fan of the Ghost in the Shell franchise, then you’re no stranger to the stealthy, smoking hot Motoko Kusanagi. While cybernetic bodies aren’t quite available yet, this chick has managed to pull it off pretty well. Now all she has to do is lose the headpiece, and it won’t even be that weird to take her home to your mother.

Yoko Littner – Gurren Lagann

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Gurren Lagann is your general-order mecha series of Japanese anime, complete with gigantic armor-suits, big guns, and scantily clad girls. Yoko Littner is one of those girls, and this particular cosplayer has dressed up in her likeness so well that the outfit even includes a six-foot rifle (fake, of course). What does a huge barreled gun have to do with sex appeal in cosplay? Well, for starters, it makes every photo shoot look a bit more like she’s a pole-dancer.

Mai Shiranui – Fatal Fury/King of Fighters

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Mai Shiranui of Fatal Fury game-fame is one seriously hot character, and the girl that came up with that outfit more than does her justice. If there’s one thing we love more than a cosplay girl, it’s a cosplay girl that has professional photo shoots done to show off her talents.

Tifa Lockheart – Final Fantasy VII

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Final Fantasy nerds may have felt the romantic pitter-patter going on in the storyline between the hero and Miss Tifa Lockheart back when this game was being played in half the living rooms around the country. Tifa is one of those characters that just doesn’t ever leave the limelight, and that means girls like this showing up to conferences making sure that the memories — those oh-so-bouncy memories — stay fresh in all our minds.

Kos-Mos – Xenosaga

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Anybody who ever played more than three seconds of Xenosaga very likely developed a raging … interest … in the android known as KOS-MOS. There’s something about a perfect figure, thigh-length blue hair, hooker boots and an attitude that just does it. The woman in the picture is one of our favorite cosplayers because she went all out: blue hair, micro-skirt, boots, garters and all. We’re in love.

Slave Leia

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You’d be hard-pressed to find a man who hasn’t spent at least a few minutes of his life thinking about Princess Leia in her slave bikini. It’s just one of those facts of life, and as such, there is a wealth of women running around the convention circuit wearing replica costumes to their best effort. Sadly, many of these women cannot pull it off, but in rare cases, like the one above, it can be a glorious site to behold.

Jessica Rabbit

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Cosplay has, in fact, become so accepted that it can’t be contained to simply conventions and women’s bedrooms (or webcams). Every once in a while, if we’re lucky enough, a ridiculously-gorgeous woman like Heidi Klum dress up in something like a Jessica Rabbit outfit, and pose for a magazine shoot. The world’s not such a bad place after all.

Rukia – Bleach

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While most cosplay endeavors strive for the ultimate goal of being passable enough to make annoying nerds happy while they rove booths, some are meant to be recreations — much like Klum’s Jessica Rabbit. This time it was Rukia Kuchiki, a heroine from the much-loved manga series Bleach. The girl in the shot not only pulls off the pose, posture, look, and outfit perfectly, but it’s hard to decide which is hotter; the picture-perfect illustration of a sexy girl, or the real girl imitating her.

Snow White

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One truly fantastic thing about cosplay is that it allows formerly innocent, even bland, characters like Disney’s Snow White to become something profoundly sexual, without any sleaze or lawsuits to ruin things. The beautiful woman above definitely knew what she was doing when she went to work crafting the perfect blend of instantly recognizable tradition, with the obviously flirty. The apple was a nice touch on this one, but it’s the corset and plunging neckline that really gets the job done.

Rowdy Reiko – Rumble Roses

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Konami’s Rumble Roses is a funtime classic; it’s a wrestling game that features an all-female character list, and mud wrestling. Needless to say, it’s our kind of game, but it’s definitely not the first that comes to mind when we think of girls going to all the trouble of coming up with a replica costume to wear to a convention. This girl did, and we’re thankful for that, because she chose Rowdy Reiko, and the outfit (along with how well she fills it out) explains the rest.

Pikachu

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Pikachu is generally not something one considers sexual. Pokemon, by default, are usually asexual, unless we’re talking about a Rule 34 situation (NSFW linkout), or in this particular case, Jessica Nigri. This girl may not have slapped together the most accurate of costumes for her portrayal of the iconic character, but she knew exactly what she was doing, nonetheless.

Fran – Final Fantasy XII

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There are a ridiculous amount of Final Fantasy installments, which there should be since it’s such a great franchise, but when XII was released guys found themselves unable to stop staring at one character in particular — Fran, the seven-foot tall, bunny-eared, magical amazon who hated covering her ass cheeks. Needless to say, while she was only a supporting character, she’s a prime cosplay target for the few girls able to pull it off — and this girl can.

Random Draenei Chick – World of Warcraft

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Say what you will about World of Warcraft and the countless loyal subscribers, but Blizzard Entertainment knows what they’re doing when it comes to female character design. They’re so good, in fact, that they inspire thousands of girls worldwide to dress up and cosplay it out every year. You don’t have to be a gamer to enjoy the lusty imagination of these guys, not when there are chicks like the one above showing off a Draenei dance at a convention near you.

Nell – Bleach

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Bleach is such a popular manga series that it’s spawned not just one cosplay following, but multiple. One of the other characters getting the treatment is Nelliel Tu Odelschwanck (also known as Nell, Nel Tu), who, as you can see, is just as alluring as her fellow cast-mate. The girl who pulled this little shoot off not only did a damn good job of it, but managed to mix her pose with gritty photography to make one hell of a hipster lomo-shot too. If you’re curious, this lovely lady’s name is Raynell Wales.

Cat Woman

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Cat Woman doesn’t get enough press lately, at least, not since a certain big-name actress completely murdered the franchise. (Halle Berry.) The gorgeous, sexy young woman pictured above is actually a Lead Contributor to Girls Entertainment Network, and like a true GEN girl, she ponies up when it’s cosplay time. We love her for not just her looks, but for giving us a reason to love Cat Woman again.


There’s a lot of eye candy on TV these days, and there has been for a couple of decades — that’s nothing new. Maybe we’re just a bunch of desensitized pervs, but the real allure on television has always been the same as in real life; we want what we can’t have. TV moms, whether in sitcoms or dramas, have always been a major point of sexual angst among the male viewership for this very reason. These are the top 15 of TV’s sexiest moms that we’d like to see strip — some of them have shown a bit more skin than others, but they all had the same effect.


Sheila – Rescue Me

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Rescue Me is a gritty show full of both the hilarious and heart-breaking. The characters are written well and the story line — or lack thereof — allows for season after season of shenanigans-laced drama that really hasn’t been seen before. A huge part of the show is the women, or to be more specific, its beautiful women. There are hot girls all over the place in this one, but a major favorite is Sheila Keefe. She’s crazy, but she’s sexy as hell.


Lorelei Gilmore – Gilmore Girls

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The Gilmore Girls was a show that men generally shunned for the fact that it’s largely meant for the female audience, but that didn’t stop an amazing number of dudes from closing the blinds and enjoying it on the down-low. These days, it’s Alexis Bledel that’s getting all the attention (now that she’s not only firmly of age, but played a hooker in Sin City), but we want to call attention to Lauren Graham’s character, Lorelai. She was flirty, fun, fit, and throughout most of the series — single. The most we ever got to see was the occasional nightie, but we wanted more.


Julie Cooper – The O.C.

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Julie Cooper of The O.C. was a veritable harlot, to be sure, but she was a lovable harlot and well, let’s face it, they’re the best kind of harlot. Not only was she the neighborhood floozy, but she was drop-dead gorgeous in a Jessica Rabbit sort of way, and even had a written-in history with acting in a porno. That’s our kind of TV mom.


Morticia Addams – The Addams Family

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If you watched The Addams Family when you were a kid and didn’t think Morticia was ridiculously hot, then something is just wrong with you. Or maybe you were just too young to recognize the difference between men and women, but that’s pretty damned young. Morticia was goth before goth was goth, and she made it look seriously hot — too bad it couldn’t stay that way. 


Samantha Stephens – Bewitched

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There were two similar magical hotties once upon a time; one was a witch (Samantha the witch) and one was a genie (Jeannie the genie). I Dream of Genie offered a smoking hot Barbara Eden, but sadly she was never a mother during the airing of the original show, so she never reached MILF status. Bewitched, on the other hand, gave us both the cute magical girl, and made her a mother. The temptation became unbearable by the time the show ended its run. 


Kellita Smith – The Bernie Mac Show

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Kellita Smith played the role of Wanda, better known as Baby on The Bernie Mac Show. The show was a huge hit, undoubtedly due to Bernie Mac carrying the load, but having a wife as smoking hot as Kellita didn’t exactly hurt, either. With a body like hers, the idea of her having spat out kids would have been tough to swallow, but luckily the plot didn’t call for her having any of her own since she had their hands full enough with the ones she inherited from Bernie’s deadbeat sister.


Rita Morgan – Dexter

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Normalcy is a big theme in Dexter, since the premise of the show is a man leading two lives; one of absolute, sinister secrecy, and one of the stereotypical suburban husband and father. He’s lucky as hell in that his “normal” life includes a severely hot wife, played by Julie Benz. Adding to her allure in the show, her character, Rita, didn’t just start off as Dexter’s wife, but was first married to a douchebag whom she eventually left for him. That sort of true-to-life character back-story makes her seem so much more attainable.


Lois Griffin – Family Guy

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Lois Griffin may well be the sexiest cartoon TV mom in the history of primetime television. She’s not perfect, in fact she’s a wreck, she’s cheated, she’s left Peter, she’s been addicted to speed, she even slept with multiple celebrities. She’s meant to be the worst and the best of the quintessential American housewife, all rolled into one sexy, demure, witty package — complete with the nasally voice.


Betty Draper – Mad Men

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There’s just something about pent up Betty Draper that gets a guy’s attention and keeps it. Even after all the drama between her and Don, even after she cheats on him, even with all her emotional baggage, she’s still got that perfect housewife feel that just seems so vintage today. Her part-time modeling aspirations, though failed, didn’t hurt, either.


Carol Brady – The Brady Bunch

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So we never got to see much of Carol Brady in terms of raw skin, big deal. We all knew that she was a minx in bed, and though they kept it pretty calm on camera, she was always so damned flirty with Mike. Every guy wanted to have her coo in his ear, just once.


Jane Jetson – The Jetsons

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Jane Jetson was the quintessential 60’s housewife transplanted into 2062 — as imagined by the people of 1962. She was fit, beautiful, vain, prim, proper and motherly; all the things that make a guy all warm and fuzzy inside. She also emptied George’s wallet every chance she got, which made her hyper-realistic.


Gabby Solis – Desperate Housewives

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Desperate Housewives may not be known for attracting hordes of male viewers, but for the few who do venture into the world of Wisteria Lane, there’s a lot more than just your average primetime soap opera. On top of drama and comedy, there’s a hefty amount of sex and eye candy. Gabby Solis, played by none other than Eva Longoria, provides for a heavy amount of that eye candy, and we love her for it.


Nancy Botwin – Weeds

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A suburban housewife turned drug dealer, Nancy Botwin is about as adorable as her life is dysfunctional. Played by Mary-Louise Parker, Nancy is drop-dead gorgeous in a funky, cutesy way that’s normally reserved for the love interest in an indie movie. She’s beautiful, resourceful, and hey, it’s Weeds, so her closet is full of the good stuff.


Laura Petrie – The Dick Van Dyke Show

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Giving many men their first crush, Laura Petrie — played by Mary Tyler Moore at her absolute hottest — was a housewife who used to dance at USO shows entertaining the troops. We’re talking hot, 60’s hot, and she was a sweetheart too.


Donna Stone – The Donna Reed Show

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They don’t get much more wholesome than Donna Stone of The Donna Reed Show. The part was played by, of course, Donna Reed, who underneath all that 50’s housewife aponry was smoking hot. Unfortunately, we never got to see that on the show, since she was the absolute perfect late-50’s housewife. She did, however, inspire decades worth of daydreams for countless men who had great imaginations.


The next time you fly, if you pack any sex toys there are certain precautions to take to make sure you and your playthings end up safely at your destination. Some sex toys can be carried on board with you, while others, like handcuffs or anything that could be construed as a weapon, will have to be checked in your luggage. Play by the TSA rules and the laws in your destination city or country to ensure a happy ending.

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Hollywood gossip is something that has become so pervasive in our culture that we tend to take it all for granted. Whether we tend to listen to it all or shun it like the plague, we end up hearing more than our fair share, and stowing it away in memory without even realizing it. Sometimes, the really good gossip slips through the mainstream and get slowly forgotten by the few people that ever knew about it to begin with. These are some of those bits of information; these are 15 of Hollywood’s worst kept secrets.

Tim Allen Served Time

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Tim “the Tool Man” Taylor of Home Improvement fame was supposed to be the all-American dad — one of the good guys. He was your average Joe who spent more time in the garage than anywhere else, had a loving wife and a house full of kids that he had to teach the ways of the world. What Tim Allen’s character never taught his kids on the show, however, was how to get caught in an airport, smuggling over 1.4 pounds of cocaine in his luggage. This was in 1978, and he plea-bargained a potential life-sentence down to a few years by giving away the names of his suppliers, and got out on parole 28 months later.

Silvester Stallone Starred in a Porn Movie

The trailer above was made back in 1970, a full six years before Stallone would become Rocky, and it was originally released under the title The Party at Kitty and Stud’s. Once Rocky broke the box office, the movie was re-released as The Italian Stallion in an effort to grab more sales. When asked about the movie later, Stallone said that he was “starving” when he made it, and that he was “desperate.” You don’t have to play coy with us, Sly.

Jack Nicholson’s “Sister” Was His Mother

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Jack Nicholson, one of Hollywood’s greats, was born in 1936. Most of us know the little trivia tidbit that he was born the son of a showgirl, but nobody ever seems to realize or remember that the showgirl he was born to wasn’t the same woman he called “mom” all his life. His grandmother insisted on taking the him and raising him as her own, to allow his mother (a bit of a floozy) to continue her work. His real mother became his sister overnight, and nobody ever told him — until a journalist from Time magazine broke the silence and informed him during an interview in 1974. By that time, both women had already passed away.

Eric Stoltz Was the Original Marty McFly

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Eric Stoltz hasn’t spent a great deal of time in the limelight, but some of us do still remember some pretty great roles of his; roles like Martin Brundle in The Fly II, Danny in Memphis Belle, Simon in The Prophecy and our favorite, Lance in Pulp Fiction. Now he’s back in the spotlight with his role as Daniel Graystone in SyFy’s new BSG precursor, Caprica. Inventing the Cylons is a pretty good bullet point on any guy’s resume, but back in 1985 he was still just a newbie on set, and Robet Zemeckis booted him from the role of Marty McFly after six weeks of filming when Michael J. Fox agreed to take the part.

Don King Killed Two Men, Did Time

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Don King gets a lot of press for being, well, Don King. He’s got the support of some heavy-hitters (pun intended), but he’s also come to be known as something of a bastard by those who know him best. One of the little stories that tends to get forgotten involves two incidents in King’s past: he shot one guy in the back as he was trying to rob one of his gambling houses back in 1953, and then stomped another guy to death because he owed him $600. Nice guy, eh?

Winona Ryder is Naturally Blonde

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You gotta love Winona. She’s the bad girl who’s not the bad girl; she’s cute, bubbly, dark, light, shoplifts with the best (and worst) of ‘em and rolls with the punches. She played roles in some of the best movies of our time, including Edward Scissorhands and BeatleJuice. What most of us never stop to think about, given the fact that she’s nearly always appeared as a brunette (and a good one at that), is that Winona is actually a blonde. For those who never had an inkling, watching Edward Scissorhands again with this knowledge is like flipping the world upside-down.

Nicole Richie’s Real Dad Was a Member of Lionel’s Band

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Nicole Ritchie being Lionel Ritchie’s kid was always one of those things you just tend to forget about. The names match up, but little else does, and we sort of just make it work in our heads. Most people never stop to question it, and when they do, they find ways to justify it in their heads that they’re father/daughter instead of checking to be sure. Fact is, Nicole is Lionel’s adopted daughter; her mother was a bit of a deadbeat who worked wardrobe for Prince, and her biological father was actually a former percussionist in Lionel’s own band.

Janet Jackson Was Secretly Married for Eight Years

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People elope all the time; it’s much more common than most of us realize. When an individual as famous as Janet Jackson does it, and manages to keep it a secret for eight years; well that’s an accomplishment. Apparently she had to keep her marriage a complete secret because she wanted to keep it from her father, who we all know is not the greatest guy on earth. She and her husband, Rene Elizondo, had to act like “close friends” the entire time. It was his hands in the photo shoot above. In 2000, Rene had officially had enough of the secret life, and since Janet wouldn’t budge, he filed for divorce. It got pretty ugly after that point, and since he was suing her for millions, we’re pretty sure her father found out anyway.

Charlize Theron Watched Her Mother Kill Her Father

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Charlize Theron is South African by birth, and lived there her entire young life. She led a somewhat normal life into her pre-teens, but then things changed a bit. Her father was an abusive alcoholic, and her mother was the chief punching bag around the house. When Charlize was 15, her father came home especially drunk one night. A scuffle broke out and she witnessed her mother pull a gun and shoot her dad dead. At least this makes it a bit easier to understand how she can play such messed up roles so well — and if the picture of her from Monster scared you a bit, here’s a nicer one to reset the memory.

Tobey Maguire’s Father Is a Convicted Bank Robber

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Tobey Maguire, born Tobias Vincent Maguire, was named partly after his father, Vincent. When Tobey was a struggling teen actor back in 1993, his dad was a struggling regular Joe. A regular Joe who got the hair-brained idea in his head to rob a bank in Reseda, California. The irony screams on this one, and Tobey has tried his hardest to keep this one of the least talked about topics in his life. If only he had been Spider Man a decade earlier, he could have stopped the whole thing from ever happening.

Mark Wahlberg’s Living on Borrowed Time

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It’s pretty common knowledge that Mark Wahlberg is either blessed or just among the luckiest guys on earth by natural circumstances. Either way you cut it, the guy has made out pretty well time after time, despite beginning his public life as Marky Mark (an unforgivable sin). What most people don’t know is that the morning of September 11, 2001, Wahlberg was a ticket-holding passenger on one of the planes that struck the World Trade Center. He, on the other hand, was miles away attending a film festival in Toronto. He was invited at the very last minute by some friends who happened to be there, and he missed his flight. Lucky is an understatement for this guy.

Oprah Had a Baby When She Was 14

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Oprah is known for many things, but having a kid at 14 is not one of them. Apparently she was a bit of an underaged harlot, and told her best friend at the time that she had no idea who the father could have been, since the list of possible donors was relentlessly long. Really Oprah? We always thought the whole 9000 Penises bit felt a little too natural.

Alanis Morissette Likely Wrote “You Oughta Know” About Dave Coulier

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In 1993, Dave Coulier was Uncle Joey on Full House, and Alanis Morisette was just getting her feet under her in the music business. Somehow, they started dating. The relationship went pretty sour due to work schedules and some bad communication, among other things (who would have guessed Uncle Joey was such a stud?) and then it fell apart. In 1995, Alanis released Jagged Little Pill — and it was “You Oughta Know” that really hit the public like a punch to the face. The lyrics were crystal clear, angsty, and just plain pissed off. What nobody realized at the time was that those lyrics were very likely to be directed at Dave Coulier, and to this day Alanis has never denied these claims.

Woody Harrelson’s Father Was a Hitman

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Woody Harrelson is a badass. He’s a fantastic actor, a hilarious guy, and one of the few folks in Hollywood that stays somewhat down to earth throughout the fame. One thing that people don’t usually know about Woody is that his father was actually a convicted hitman. He was arrested in 1979 after assassinating a federal judge in San Antonio, Texas. Kind of gives a whole new meaning to Natural Born Killers, doesn’t it?

The Story of Alan Smithee

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Hollywood’s been around for a long time now, and the cultural wall that’s been built up around it goes nowhere but up. In the long, long time that Tinseltown has grown and flourished, it’s gathered some strange traditions. One of them is called Alan Smithee. Originally named Al Smith, the persona was concocted by film-makers who wanted a way to sign movies that they didn’t want to sign their own name on when they became disgusted with the finished product. Often times, it was due to a director losing creative control over a film. When it happens, it’s roiling, and the director has the option of going to the Guild and requesting that he be allowed to sign anonymously in protest. The number of Hollywood films with Alan Smithee listed as director is surprisingly long — films such as The Birds II: Land’s End, the segment in Twilight Zone: The Movie in which an actor died, Death of a Gunfighter, the pilot episode of MacGyver; and the television-edited versions of some major films like Heat, Dune, Rudy and Scent of a Woman. The name Alan Smithee was officially retired in 2000, probably because the list was getting so long that people were beginning to think Alan was a real director. Now disgruntled film-makers have to come up with their own pseudonyms when they don’t want their name on a finished product.

Sex has grown from a taboo subject to a major part of radio and TV in the last 30 years, and with the subject comes a slew of stupid questions, awkward moments, and stories that range from sad to hilarious. Over the years, four people have really stood out from the rest in the world of sex talk: Dr. Ruth Westheimer, Sue Johanson, and the men behind Loveline, Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew Pinsky. These people, with their radio and television shows, changed the face of the media as stands on the subject of sex. Here we take a look at 15 of the greatest moments in sex talk; if you’re at work, you may want to get some headphones out.

Dr. Ruth on Masturbation

In a bit of a PSA she did for The Doctors Channel (.com), Dr. Ruth lays it out: If you’re horny, masturbate. Unfortunately, it’s very doubtful that very many women will have watched this video, because she also does us guys a favor. Directing a comment specifically to the ladies, Dr. Ruth says that if their boyfriends are in need of sex, to just give it to them. The reasoning is that it only takes two minutes out of their day, and then everybody’s happy. We won’t argue with the lady on this one.

Loveline on Penis Length

Pulling the classic Ladies’ Man length-inflation joke on an unsuspecting moron, Adam Carolla turned this ridiculous call into several minutes of entertainment as a dumb kid fought to contain his sorrow as he was made to believe that he had an abysmally small penis. The joke was rolling on so well that Dr. Drew let it go on for quite a while before firmly telling the kid that he was OK, and not to worry.

Sue Johanson on Vaginal Farts

Who doesn’t love it when old ladies talk about queefing? Sue Johanson did just that when a decidedly unintelligent girl called in, rather embarrassed, to ask if there was any way to keep her vagina from expelling air during sex. She couldn’t believe that it had a name (vaginal farts) or that it was normal, and audiences couldn’t stop laughing as Sue repeated the phrase repeatedly while making fart noises.

Dr. Ruth and Arsenio Hall explore the world of Condoms

A classic, this clip is loaded with great memories; from Arsenio dancing around while declaring that “you gotta put a spacesuit on the littlest astronaut before you get busy” to Ruth saying that penis size doesn’t matter unless yours is “very miniscule,” it’s got it all. The clip comes as the two of them travel to a newly opened condom shop. At the time, this was a new idea, and they had begun cropping up in locations across the country — it made for the perfect opportunity for the two of them to record an outing.

Loveline on Anal Sex, Fire Safety, Laziness and Humility

This call to Loveline started out simple enough, with the usual girl calling in to talk about a problem in her ass that she was worried may have been caused by rough anal sex. Dr. Drew begins to agree with her, but suddenly hears the identifiable chirp of a dying smoke detector. This show took place in 2009, and the two of them had had many years of experience taking calls by that point. In that time, a recurring nuisance was callers who had dying smoke detectors chirping in the background. The two of them burst into a ten minute long tirade, lambasting the girl in the process, throwing the best jokes and insults they could muster for the occasion. The second half of the call is the best:

The moment the girl said the words “anus the size of a mason jar,” both Drew and Carolla knew they had been had, and that the entire call was a well-orchestrated prank. The phrase was a running joke, getting tagged at the end of prank-calls to the show for years, and the girl was given props for besting them at their own game. Not only was the obsession with the fire alarm hilarious, but the rant about lazy women and stupid people was nothing short of epic; add to that one of the greatest talk-show prank-callers of all time and this is a classic.

Sue Johanson and the Liberator

Sex therapists and female talk-show hosts have segments about sex toys all the time, and some even go as far as to endorse them, but none can do it in the (absence of) style that Sue Johanson can. This priceless piece has Sue reading from cue cards as an awkward couple re-enacts sexual positions using the “toy” in question: Multiple furniture-sized futon-like blocks of foam called The Liberator. As if it wasn’t funny enough that these things would take up a whole closet (and be pretty embarrassing when the in-laws find them), the whole thing took place in what looked like a dojo.

Dr. Ruth on Peeping, Cheating and Lesbian Tendencies

Dr. Ruth, crazy as she may be, is pretty decent at giving some straightforward advice. The stuff is definitely from the hip, to be sure, but she’s got a good point in saying that a woman who only finds herself attracted to gay men just might be spending too much time in gay bars to be completely straight.

Loveline on Viagara and Male Pleasure

What else can be said about this guy, he really may be the best caller ever. We’re not just talking about Loveline, either — he’s the best we’ve heard on any sex-talk broadcast in history. Instead of the usual ignorance and stupid questions, this guy busted out with on-the-fly voice acting (that was probably spot-on).

Sue Johanson on Damaging Rectums

This time around, Sue takes a call from Brandy, a woman who has a penchant for rough anal sex. Aside from the urges to scream “Rectum! Damn near killed ‘em!” this clip is pretty great for the inevitable introduction of feces and the multiple mentions of anal sex and rectum.

Sue Johanson: Guys Call it “the Choda”

In this clip, Sue has to educate a young woman who doesn’t have the best grasp of the male sexual anatomy, namely the perineum. This is all pretty normal, even run-of-the-mill sort of stuff, until Sue busts out with “CHODA.” She repeats the phrase so the woman really hears her, “Guys call it the CHODA.” It was news to us, too.

Loveline and Subliminal Phone Sex

Probably our absolute favorite Loveline call that wasn’t a prank, Lorraine the phone-sex operator calls in to express her dismay that her customers are climaxing too quickly — and she needs a way to slow it down so she can make more money. To make it better, Tom Arnold was the guest of the evening, so he got to be the guinea pig as they got Lorraine to work her skills on the phone. As a joke, the guys decided to try to get her to subliminally work un-sexy words into her spiel. Words like “cancer” and “holocaust.” Make sure you play this one the whole way through, because the girl’s so dense that she not only does it, but pulls it off perfectly without even knowing what she said.

Sue Johanson and Pregnancy Sex

Just when you wonder if the human race can get any stupider, a woman like this calls a sex-talk program and asks if sex while pregnant can cause the penis to “hit the baby’s head.” The best part is how genuinely surprised the chick is to hear that the uterus and the vagina are in fact separate, and that there is no chance of penis-shaped dents in her oh-so-lucky unborn baby’s head.

Sue Johanson, Golden Showers, Morning Woodies and Feces

If raunchy is what you seek, then this clip is the one for you. It’s absolutely hilarious, as the guy who calls in has a girlfriend who seems to be getting bored with regular sex. She apparently started watching scat porn, and she’s pushing her guy to piss on her. Sue has to explain to the guy just what exactly a golden shower is, and he’s dumbfounded. She goes into great detail about where the urine and feces can end up, and that’s not the best part. He says that one of her requests is that he urinate inside her. The phrase “pee in her butt” comes to mind, but this wasn’t even a joke. Sue, without skipping a beat, explains that while it would difficult to actually piss while erect, that it’s totally safe and clean if he can pull it off — since urine is sterile in enclosed spaces.

Loveline: Women’s Magazines Affects on Women

If the Carolla rant from the prank-call was epic, this one may be slightly more impressive if only for the fact that Dr. Drew was just as heated and into it as he was. A girl calls in with an inane question about a tattoo and piercing article in a woman’s magazine, and the two drift off into a bitter tirade against all that is woman’s magazine. Not only is it comforting to hear someone like Dr. Drew affirm what we know to be true, but it’s pretty hilarious to hear them rip into some poor girl who had no idea what she was getting herself into.

Sue Johanson and How to Get Semen Out of a Mustache

Finishing up, we have Sue taking a call from a gay man who, though sounding extremely femme, apparently wears a beard and mustache. To each his own, but the funny part about the call is that he’s trying to get advice for how to extract semen from his mustache. We shit you not. Instead of laughing him off the show, Sue goes on to pontificate on the possibilities of using tick combs in conjunction with a shower to get the “ejaculate” out of the man’s facial hair.


There have been many great men over the centuries, and though most of them weren’t exactly known for authority-bucking attitude, there were exceptions. Some of them have been nothing short of absolute outlaws; wanted and hunted by a ruling party somewhere, while praised and hidden by others. Some of these men were public figures, some liked their privacy, and some found themselves forced into the limelight for their beliefs. They come from all walks of life the world over, but they are recognized just the same — these are 15 rule-breakers that make for perfect role-models for today’s men.


Galileo Galilei

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In a time when it was deemed heresy to disagree with the Church’s views, and there was no discernible difference between Church and State when it came to laws and punishments, Galileo was a rebel. The man was a brilliant philosopher, physicist, astronomer and mathematician; he’s called the “father” of several sciences and he’s revered as one of the most important scientists of all time. In his time, the word of the Church was that the entire universe centered around Earth, and to speak otherwise was liable to get a visit from the Inquisition. That’s exactly what happened to Galileo when he stood apart and said that Earth, and other planetary bodies, revolve around the Sun. He bid his time by lying to them when they pressured him the first time, but came back with a vengeance and stuck to his convictions by releasing a book on the subject. He spent the remainder of his life under house arrest as a suspected heretic — but every one of us knows his name.


Benjamin Franklin

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We all know Ben Franklin because his exploits were hammered into our skulls through years of primary schooling, but sometimes we forget just how awesome the guy really was. The scholarly and the diplomatic are always the two faces we see most in history blurbs when old Ben comes up, but it’s not largely mentioned just how big a badass he was for his time. First off, he was instrumental in the revolution of the colonies, and had the balls to do it publicly with his name up front and center. We tend to forget that guys like him were instantly targets of the Crown and labelled traitors and criminals. He travelled to Europe in the thick of it all to represent his compatriots to the French, and won our very first wartime allies. He may not have been known for his skill in physical battle, but when it came down to it, the man was powerful with his words. He’s worthy of all our respect.


Frederick Douglass

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Frederick Douglass was born into slavery during the early 1800s, and he learned that there was a possible escape at an early age. He got his first taste of what was to come from the wife of a man whose home he was staying in as a child — she taught him how to read. That alone was forbidden, but he never stopped or let up on his quest for knowledge. He read everything he could get his hands on, and over time he started hatching plans. He made two unsuccessful attempts to escape his bonds before he finally nailed it; both of which could have gotten him killed. When he finally managed to get free, he made his way to New York City. After that point, though he was technically an outlaw, he made a life for himself and took a stand against slavery right out in the open, becoming one of the best-known abolitionists of the era. The man had guts to match his brains, and he was lucky enough to see his dream come true.


Robert Oppenheimer

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Robert Oppenheimer had both the luxury and misfortune of being a part of the now fabled Manhattan Project from its very beginnings. He ran the whole thing, having the full trust of the government despite having spent a good deal of time in Germany just prior to all out war between both countries. He was a brilliant physicist who also had the uncanny ability to manage people — something scientists of his caliber aren’t usually known for — and he played an integral role in every stage of development in the project. After two full-sized bombs were dropped at Hiroshima and Nagasaki, he and many of his men had difficulty coping with what they had created. Oppenheimer never strayed in his loyalties, but he had the moral courage to stand apart and say what he felt about the new technology and its uses. He got ostracized for it, lost his clearance, and was put under a microscope for over a decade. He never waivered, and he paid a heavy social price for his convictions.


Nelson Mandela

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Nelson Mandela started off life as an educated young man living a fairly decent life. He, unlike many others of his time, was not blind to what was going on around him, and tried to make a difference. In the beginning, he tried to do so through nonviolent methods — taking cues from Gandhi — but that was failing against Apartheid. After years on the losing side of a one-sided battle against the government, Mandela took a step in the opposite direction and became a guerilla. He spearheaded sabotage campaigns as head of a paramilitary group seeking to end Apartheid, and he worked to get the group international funding to continue its work. His involvement cost him 27 years of his life, which he spent in various South African prisons. He never gave up his quest while imprisoned, and after his release, he helped to finally end Apartheid once and for all.


Edward R. Murrow

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Edward R. Murrow is rightfully called one of the greatest broadcast journalists of our time. He worked for CBS during the events leading up to, during, and after World War II; reporting from both the front lines and elsewhere. He reported live during the Blitz from London, and recorded broadcasts while riding in Allied bombers over occupied Europe as well. He spoke frankly to the public, and above all, truthfully. In the 1950s, when the country was getting ready to tear itself into pieces over McCarthy and his Red Scare campaign, Murrow was a lone voice, commanding millions of listeners, who spoke out against him and the tightening grip of the government because of him. He wasn’t making any friends in high places, but he was leading the people toward the demise of Mr. McCarthy. His career was damaged beyond repair for a long time, and he died early due to poor health — but today he’s remembered and revered by all.


Martin Luther King Jr.

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Anybody who doesn’t know the story of Dr. King, or how he died, and what he fought for, needs to go back to school. Needless to say, King was a brilliant orator and leader — but he was also a man who wasn’t afraid to get his hands dirty. He was arrested, threatened, terrorized, vilified; his home was even bombed at one point. By the time he was assassinated, King had become the figurehead of more than just a chapter of an organization, or any single movement. Despite his run-ins with the government, he was later posthumously awarded both the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal, not to mention the fact that all our calendars now include a Martin Luther King Day.


Thomas Paine

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Thomas Paine was hugely instrumental in both the American and French revolutions. He’s responsible for the now eponymous Common Sense, one of the most quoted writings to come from the Colonies during the revolutionary years, as well as The Age of Reason, which made him a healthy amount of enemies in the various Christian circles (which, at the time, was nearly everyone). He is revered as one of America’s revolutionary heroes, and was a brilliant propagandist and subversive — but he wasn’t even from the Colonies. He was British. If the Americans were traitors and criminals in their pursuit of self-rule and disconnection from the Crown, then Paine was an outright treasonous bastard in the eyes of the King. He made his choice and stood by his convictions, and he saw it through to the end and after.


Oskar Schindler

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Oskar Schindler was a young German businessman who was just in his thirties when he lucked across a Polish factory that was going through bankruptcy after the invasion. He purchased the place, and secured about 1,000 workers from the Nazi-run Jewish forced labor pools. It’s no secret that Schindler was motivated by money in the beginning — forced labor for a percentage paid to the Reich was much better business-wise than hiring resident Poles to do the work on wages. Over time, Schindler witnessed the treatment of the Jews in the ghettos at the hands of the Nazi guards. He had his fingers everywhere as a savvy businessman and black marketeer, and he knew what was going on across the country. He began shielding his workers from abuse and any sort of mistreatment. He made sure they were well taken care of, and even moved to secure another 1,000 from the ghettos to live in an adjacent factory as an auxiliary workforce. He bribed the SS with his own wealth to keep them safe until the liberation. His story is the motivation for Schindler’s List.


Mohandas Gandhi

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Like Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi — now most often called Mahatma Gandhi, out of respect — is a name that is synonymous with peaceful rebellion. He was the man to start it. He spent a number of years in jail on two separate continents for his civil disobedience and teachings, and he was instrumental in the British relinquishing control over India. He wasn’t perfect, but he was brave and willing to give his life in the pursuit of his goals, and those were always for the betterment of his people. Instead of harming others, or even harming equipment, his methods were to harm himself instead — by refusing to eat. Most of us have trouble going a day without food, and he did it to prove a point.


Muhammad Ali

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We all know Ali, and most of us know that he started out life as Cassius Clay. What many somehow don’t seem to remember is that although Ali is now remembered positively, as a champion, that during the Vietnam War he was drafted and refused to go. Out of the minority that do remember this, even less remember that instead of simply dodging the draft, or signing up for special treatment as a boxing champion to work with the USO, he paid a hefty fine for refusal, was blacklisted socially, and lost his boxing license. He was stripped of his title and ostracized. It wasn’t until a few years had past, and enough Americans were unhappy with the War, that Ali was suddenly back in the good graces of the populace and allowed to compete again. The rest is history, but one thing’s for certain here; Ali didn’t run, and he didn’t concede when under pressure. He stood his ground and paid for it.


Robin Hood

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The vast majority of historians and scholars agree; Robin Hood, whatever his real name may have been, was unlikely to have simply been myth. Earliest stories tell the story of a common man who took to the forest with a band of men to become altruistic bandits, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor and dispossessed. He was said to be untrusting of the clergy and government of the time as they had been hoarding money and power while the common public was nothing short of destitute, and to be extremely gracious and respectable toward women. We’re not about to say that men should go around stealing to turn around and give wealth to the poor, but there’s definitely a good deal of hoarding going on these days. Next time a homeless guy asks to bum a cigarette off you, just ask yourself if the 40 cents is too much to spare.


Johannes Kepler

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Kepler got his start as an assistant to mentor and teacher, Tycho Brahe — a man not only famous for his astronomical discoveries, but for keeping a clairvoyant house dwarf and a tamed moose. After Brahe’s death, Kepler took control of all his research and materials, which he had kept closely guarded until his death. Kepler proceeded to continue the research and after some time was able to complete his Laws of Planetary Motion — becoming a basis for later astronomy and physics. He was a contemporary of Galileo, meaning that every discovery he made was one step closer to being found out for heresy. The he took a more moderate approach to handling the Church publicly, he helped Galileo and others as part of a greater, largely underground movement to bring science out of the dark ages once and for all.


Doc Holliday

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Long time friend and confidant of Wyatt Earp and his brothers, John “Doc” Holliday was a well-known fixture in the South West of the late 1800s. He was a dentist by training, a professional gambler by necessity, and a gunfighter by fate. He was widely reputed to be deadly with a pistol, one of the fastest in the west — even if his accuracy was less than perfect. He spent the tail end of his life in a constant state of illness, which led to an equally constant state of intoxication and related debauchery. He may have been a vagabond, but he was loyal, and he had a deeply entrenched sense of justice along with a hatred of douchebags. When the Earps went to war with the Clantons, it was Holliday they called to back them up. 


The Dalai Lama

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Now living in exile since 1959, the Dalai Lama has pushed for nothing but peace and reconciliation with the Chinese government since his departure. Under circumstances that have caused many pacifists to become enraged, China remains in control of Tibet to this day and the Dalai Lama has continued to be a conciliatory voice in a sea of yelling. He travels the world, technically very homeless, living on the good will of host governments and organizations sympathetic to his cause — the freedom of the Tibetan people and the safe return of not just himself, but the many people who fled along with him half a century ago. He is always in good spirits, always kind, and always ready to crack a joke about any situation. He’s the kind of person we should all strive to be just a little bit more like when we’re faced with the daily problems of our lives — like traffic, in-laws, and bad TV.




There have been a lot of figure skaters over the years, and it’s always been a given that they tend to be hot. There are always exceptions, as there are for any rule of thumb or stereotype — but much like the cheerleading profession, figure skaters seem to defy the odds pretty damned well. These are the 15 hottest figure skaters of all time; these girls may have spent their lives on ice, but they are definitely hot.


Sasha Cohen

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2006 Olympic silver medalist and multiple championship-winning fox Sasha Cohen is fully aware of how gorgeous she is, and luckily she’s the type to share her gift by way of public appearances and photo shoots. While she does understand Russian, and her mother is a transplant from the Ukraine, Sasha was born in California and is very much your standard hottie from LA — yet somehow a staggering number of people seem to think she’s Russian. After taking a brief hiatus from the sport after her success in 2006, she made her return debut this year prior the Winter Games. Unfortunately, the judges felt that she needs a bit more practice to get her game back, and she wasn’t selected for the Olympic team this year.


Idora Hegel

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Idora Hegel is one of Croatia’s finest, and we’re not just talking about figure skating here, either. While she may not have any Olympic medals to back her up, she’s still a seven-time Croatian National Champion and world-class hottie. Idora did compete at the Games, though. She placed 19th twice — at the 2002 and 2006 Winter Games. 


Tanith Belbin

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Tanith, who seems incapable of taking a bad picture, has competed professionally for the USA since 1998 despite being Canadian-born and holding a dual citizenship. Apparently the guy she teamed up with in 1998 is something of a lucky charm, which makes sense since he’s one lucky bastard. Since their pairing, she’s gone on to win the US Championship five times, the Four Continents Championship three times, four World Medals, and some 2006 Olympic Silver. She’s at the Winter Games this year, and wasn’t doing half bad until Sunday night’s Free Dance. It’s OK though, we don’t mind if she doesn’t win this time around.


Katerina Witt

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Katerina Witt represented East Germany shortly before the Wall fell, and all of Germany afterward. She racked up a string of major wins throughout the 80s, including two Olympic Golds at Sarajevo and Calgary. She’s often called one of the very best figure skaters of all time, largely due to her massive winning record, but she’s a winner in our book for posing in many nude shots. Hit the image source on this one if you’re not at work — those black boxes were quite necessary.


Anna Semenovich

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With a last name that screams bad punnery and a penchant for posing, Anna Semenovich is a favorite for her good humor — if not so much for her record of wins. She never seemed able to find a partner that she had chemistry with, and though she did score two Finlandia Trophies, she didn’t have the best of score sheets. Now 29, she’s turned from figure skating full time for Russia to exploring a singing, acting and modeling career. We’re just fine with that, so long as more shots like this one come out of it.


Barbara Ann Scott

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1948 Olympic Gold-winner and immortalized Canadian pin-up girl Barbara Ann Scott was one hell of a figure skater before most of us were even a dirty thought in dad’s mind. She didn’t just come out of nowhere to win that one, either. Barbara won the World, European, and North American Championships twice each, all on top of winning the Canadian Championships four times. As if that wasn’t awesome enough, this lady is still alive and kicking today; she was a flag-bearer at the Winter Games opening ceremony at Vancouver.


Kristi Yamaguchi

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Making a comeback recently as champion of 2008’s Dancing with the Stars, Kristi Yamaguchi has been a household name since the early 90’s. She won the gold at the 1992 Olympics, and she’s racked up more wins and top placements than losses during her career, making her nothing short of extraordinary. In 2005, she was inducted into the Olympic Hall of Fame. The crazy part of her story is how she began; when she was a kid, she had club feet, so she started skating as therapy.


Tara Lipinski

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Though she was only 15 when she was actively competing in figure skating, Tara Lipinski still counts because she’s become a part of the sport. She took home the gold in the 1998 Winter Games at Nagano, after racking up some serious wins world-wide beforehand, and has since taken to acting and cameo work. She’s been in a slew of shows and movies, and now at 27, she’s looking better than ever before. We can’t wait to see her take on some more serious roles.


Oksana Baiul

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Oksana Baiul hasn’t competed since the mid-90’s, but that hasn’t stopped her from remaining a part of pop culture ever since her hay day. She came seemingly out of nowhere to grab the gold at the Ukranian and World Championships, as well as Skate America — all in 1992. She also nabbed second place in the European Championships that year, along with fourth place in the Nations Cup. One year later she scored the gold at the Winter Olympics. She’s been living in the US ever since, despite being technically Ukranian. These days she spends her time collaborating for ice dances and running her own clothing and jewelry lines — and looking great while doing it.


Ekaterina Gordeeva

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Two-time Olympic Gold Medal-winner Ekaterina “Katia” Gordeeva made a name for herself back in the Cold War days by winning just about every competition she entered — and scoring top places in the few she didn’t. She represented the Hammer & Sickle before the Wall fell, and afterward continued to skate for Russia. These days, she spends her time getting even better looking than when she was young, and working as a choreographer and mentor for aspiring hotties on ice. She’s a huge part of the sport and a star for life, and we like it that way.


Kim Yu-Na

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Helping to give South Korea a good name, 19 year-old Kim Yu-Na has been competing for the better part of the last decade — and winning. Her career’s score card is full of “first place,” and she’s not showing any signs of slowing down yet. This year she’s competing at the Winter Games in Vancouver, and her chances look pretty good so far. We’re keeping fingers crossed for this one.


Sonja Henie

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This Norwegian blast from the past is a fixture in the world of figure skating, much the same way that posters of her were probably fixtures on the walls of young men the world over when she was active in the sport. She took home the gold three times, in 1928, 1932 and 1936 — along with ten World Championships, six European Championships, and six Norwegian Championships. The woman is nothing short of a legend, and she cemented her fame when she turned to acting afterwards. She played in 15 films in her lifetime, was inducted into several halls of fame, and graced the cover of Time Magazine in 1939. We dig vintage.


Michelle Kwan

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If you don’t already have a thing for Michelle Kwan, you’ve probably spent the better part of your life under a rock, or you’re too young to be reading this in the first place. Besides her obvious level of hotness, Kwan has made a name for herself by racking up a ridiculously impressive 30 wins between 1992 and 2005. Unfortunately, the highest she ever attained at the Olympics was silver, with one bronze four years later at her next attempt. Despite her narrow misses at the Olympics, she’s regarded as one of the greats. We agree.


Jamie Salé

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Winner of the 2002 Winter Olympics, Canadian Jamie Salé led an impressive, albeit short career. Between 1991 and 2002, she won 16 golds. After her Olympic win, she decided to take it easy and now tours around the continent performing in Stars on Ice — and posing nearly naked for men’s magazines.


Peggy Fleming

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Peggy Fleming, after a blitzkrieg winning-streak starting in 1964, nabbed the gold at the 1968 Olympics in Grenoble. She basically embodied the quintessential girl of the 60’s, complete with the Bond Girl international look and all. She was stunningly gorgeous then, and she’s still got it, too. As well as staying fit and beautiful, she also likes to stay relevant; she made a cameo in Blades of Glory as a judge. We love this woman.

We may get a kick out of watching them as they get pummeled by tabloids and trash-media, but the fact of the matter is that most celebrities — and the scandals they become embroiled in — aren’t worth a fraction of the publicity they get. Some famous names that we like get hounded by the media over the most mundane of private matters, while other people who shouldn’t even be famous in the first place continue to eat up airtime just for existing. In either case, these are the 15 celebrities and celebrity scandals that got way more publicity than they deserved.

Tiger Woods and His Women

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Tiger’s been through a lot over the last month and a half, with now nearly ten different women alleged to be his former mistresses and a wife that may or may not have chased him with a golf club when she found out. Tiger’s a veritable golf star, and as with all big-name athletes, mistresses aren’t a big surprise. The amount of publicity that his affairs have received over the last few weeks is nothing short of ridiculous, unless it’s talking about how none of the women he supposedly had on the side were as hot as his Swedish model soon to be ex-wife.

“Speidi”

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It would be difficult to name an entity in this world that is more despicable, morally bankrupt, socially inept and just plain evil than the duo that has come to be named Speidi. Spencer Pratt and his plastic-skinned wife, Heidi Montag-Pratt, will do anything in their power to get more fame. The sad thing is that most networks on TV willingly give it to them — except for E! Entertainment that is. Of all networks, E! had the sense to ban the couple or any mention of them, unless they got pregnant or are seriously injured.

The Brad Pitt Love Triangle

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Most men have more than a modicum of respect for Brad Pitt — he’s an alright guy and a great actor — and you won’t find too many men who would speak much ill of his wife, Angelina, either. What does need to stop is the incessant coverage of their love-life, lack of a love-life, coverage of their family, every flirtatious look they give other famous actors, and Cliff Notes of every fight they have allegedly had. You’d think the world would be tired of it all by now, but the stories never cease, and the number of people who are dragged into the mud with them seems to grow by the month. We call it a love triangle for tradition’s sake, but it’s beginning to look more like a love dodecahedron as time, and the tabloids, wear on.

“Octomom”

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Nadya Sulemon, more commonly known by her ridiculous media-name Octomom, is probably the foulest creature to have ever birthed children. Unfortunately, she’s birthed many children, and did it by means of science — much to the dismay of the greater medical community and humanity as a whole. Even more disturbing is that Vivid offered her a huge sum of money to star in porn, but fortunately for us she turned down that offer. Seeing those stretch marks in HD is not something anyone should have to live with.

Jon and Kate Gosselin

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Gaining fame quickly along the same lines as Octomom Jon and Kate Gosselin are best known for their painfully bad reality show revolving around their lives as they raise eight children. It didn’t take long for audiences to see that they were really just two massively ego-maniacal simpletons who turned on each other at the first sight of profit. Somehow the effeminate Jon has become some sort of playboy while Kate is trying to keep their reality show running — minus one husband. People still watch this stuff.

Anna Nicole Smith

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While it’s not generally polite to speak ill of the deceased, Anna Nicole Smith was a scourge. Even today, she manages to stay in the headlines because of scandals that haven’t yet been resolved, and people are still treating her death like it was Princess Diana all over again. The woman had the intelligence of a jar of mayonnaise, and made a living off waiting for an old man to die; why was she so famous? Why is she still talked about today? Even in her prime, she wasn’t great to look at, and that was a long time ago.

Britney Spears

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Sure, she was great on the eyes when she was younger, and before everyone knew exactly how bad her non-synthesized voice really is, she was even decent on the ears. That didn’t last long, and Britney became a sensation just for being, well, Britney. When she lost her mind and fell from grace, it was a bit entertaining. When the media set up permanent 24-hour camps outside her home, however, it got ridiculous. It got past the point where a rational person would stop and say “enough” and never stopped. Enough is enough.

The Palin Family Ties

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Sarah Palin, whether loved or hated, isn’t interesting enough to spend more than a week in the mainstream media now that she’s not running for the Vice Presidency anymore. While she was in the middle of an election campaign, her family became a major point of interest to the trash media and tabloid kingdoms — her underage pregnant daughter and the of-age future father in particular. The two were a bit of news considering Palin’s conservative stance, but now her daughter’s ex boyfriend Levi is actually famous. He’s famous for knocking up a former Governor’s underage daughter, ditching her, and now posing in Playgirl magazine — pictures that are so disturbing we won’t even link to them.

Chris Brown and Rihanna

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Chris Brown, the talentless boy-man who somehow managed to entrance enough women to get himself extremely famous in a remarkably short amount of time, got an unforgettable social black eye when he gave his girlfriend a real one. The marginally attractive, nasally voiced Rihanna then made sure that she milked the incident for as much publicity as she could muster, and now a week doesn’t pass that the both of them aren’t mentioned as though we cared. Unfortunately, massive numbers of trash-media consumers do care, and the story drags on to this day.

The Kardashian Family

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Kim Kardashian is ridiculously, painfully hot. We accept that, and it’s not a bad thing. It doesn’t matter that she’s gruelingly stupid, or that she has the talent of a mop. She’s not so much the issue as her family, which doesn’t share in her good luck when it comes to the looks department. They are, however, equally talentless, and all of them share in the fame they gain with every airing of their half-ass reality show, or when her trollish younger sibling gets arrested for partying too hard. There’s nothing interesting about any one of them, and yet they still manage to stay on television, in magazines, and in the public eye.

Lindsay Lohan, Booze, and Manly Women

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Lindsay Lohan, despite all her shortcomings, still holds a special place in the hearts of many men — and rightfully so. What doesn’t make sense is how she is still so famous, after years of absolute failure. Her greatest claims to fame in the past five years have been public bouts of drama, drunken debauchery, and most recently, unexpected lesbianism. If and when Lindsay ever does something worth paying attention to again, we’d be happy to pay her some mind, but until then she should just go away, and stop taking up headline space.

David Letterman and His Women

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David Letterman is a man that people always expect to be a stand-up guy. Despite his being known for being such a down to earth, regular Joe, it still somehow became massive world-wide news when it came to light recently that he has had multiple affairs during his ridiculously long tenure as a late-night TV talk show host. He handled the whole thing pretty candidly, but the media wouldn’t let up, and to this day the story hasn’t left the public eye. He’s a rich guy who spent most of his adult life as a famous TV personality — how is it any surprise that he’s had extramarital affairs? How is that newsworthy? How is it anybody’s business?

Tila Tequila

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Bobble-headed troll, model, stripper, disease-carrier and attention-seeker extraordinaire Tila Tequila has made quite a name for herself over the past few years now. It should have registered as a problem with she began claiming fame and glory off her accomplishments on MySpace of all places. Things only got worse as her repertoire of television appearances began to be rivaled by her showings in adult magazines and an ever-growing online presence. Now she makes a living off her name alone — which isn’t even a real name to begin with. How she manages to keep an audience or stay famous the way she has baffles most sane individuals.

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart

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We’re not even going to mention how these two have been instrumental in spreading the curse that is Twilight — that part’s self-explanatory. The problem with these two these days is that they won’t get out of the headlines for their on-again, off-again, secret, non-existent, torrid love affair that every woman seems to know of and care about. The worst part is that the trilogy isn’t near over yet, as they have one more movie to finish and then the year’s worth of publicity as they make the opening tour, which means a whole new round of are they or aren’t they is fully expected.

Miley Cyrus

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Forgetting the fact that this skanky teen is the spawn of Billy Ray himself, who apparently put his Achy Breaky Heart back together enough to shape his daughter into a money-maker from an early age, Miley is a plague in her own right. The girl isn’t even old enough to buy a cigarette yet, but she’s already managed to score more sexually-inappropriate scandals than you can shake a stick at. A week doesn’t go by that she isn’t mentioned in the media for some reason or another — usually something along the lines of pole-dancing on stage or dating a 22-year-old underwear model — and her music is so foul that it can cause permanent damage if listened to for longer than thirty seconds. That is, unless you’re a pre-teen girl. The worst part has yet to come with this one — she’s just getting started.

Men constantly think about sex – or do they? Globally, people generally lose their virginity in their teens and as adults have sex an average of 103 times per year. While more men than women are satisfied with their sex lives, overall 44% of all people say they are pretty happy. Have a look at Sex by the Numbers for a graphic look at sexual gratification.

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Superheroes are a huge part of our culture and entertainment — even if lately, only the greats like Batman, Superman and Ironman tend to hog the limelight. While there are many other great superheroes out there, there are also those that completely fail in the superpower department. Some superheroes had great powers, but still managed to be the epitome of lame, and then there are the folks who had no choice but to be lame. Does a superpower make the superhero? You be the judge. Here are 15 of the lamest superpowers we could find.

Changing the Color of Things – Color Kid

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Of all powers to grant a superhero, changing the color of things is definitely not on our list of awesome. How could this even be useful? Apparently Color Kid liked to confuse his flying enemies by switching the colors of the ground and the sky, but any enemy stupid enough to fall for that would probably get creamed anyway. It might be a fun “superpower” — for a six-year-old. And really, with such a lame power, he could have at least made a better costume.

A Trained Bumblebee Sidekick – The Red Bee

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This one made our sides hurt from laughing, which is about all the damage he is capable of. The Red Bee’s shtick was beyond ridiculous — that in a fight he’d open up the little compartment in his belt, and release a single bee. Not a radioactive super bee, or an exotically poisonous one, but a regular, trained bee. It would fly out to sting his opponent, and that’s it. As if that wasn’t bad enough, his costume makes our eyes bleed.

Compelling People to Run – Tag

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Making people do things would turn out to be an interesting superpower to wield, as a general rule — but only being able to make people run? Lame. Maybe if Tag had a cliff at his disposal every time he battled an opponent, he might be successful, but that’s not the case. It might be amusing to make people run in circles or into things, but it just seems like too much hassle, and just plain silly to boot.

Stretching – Mr. Fantastic

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So we don’t want to say Mr. Fantastic is completely lame, because he’s a genius — that almost makes up for his ability to stretch. Now, if he only had the ability to stretch, he’d be completely lame. How is stretching super, really? You might be able to avoid a few injuries, but other than that, fighting crime by stretching seems a bit sad.

Shrinking – Ant Man

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Now, shrinking isn’t always lame. The Atom, a far cooler superhero, can shrink to the subatomic level, which would be very cool — and useful. But Ant Man’s ability to shrink to the size of an ant is nothing but lame. For one, people could crush him pretty easily if they bothered. Wouldn’t you think there’d be some kind of loss of strength too? Come on, look at the comic book cover above — do you really think something that small would be able to knock teeth out? Useless.

Being Fat – The Blob

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Marvel tried to make an excuse for The Blob, saying that his mutant power was creating a gravitational field, but we think he was just plain morbidly obese. He was so fat that his skin and tissue was known to absorb or deflect bullets. That’s pretty serious cushioning, and although it might have come in handy, it just seems far too unhealthy to even be worth it at all. Besides, anyone can get fat, and how is this guy any different from the guy who got pulled from his house in a forklift?

Turning Into a Ball – Bouncing Boy

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Bouncing Boy could turn himself into a ball by inflating himself — like Kirby. He came across his powers by accidentally drinking some plastic solution that he thought was soda pop. Well, serves him right for not paying attention, and now he’s stuck with one of the lamest superpowers ever. He has to run, err, bounce away from all of his opponents, which is not really all that cool.

Omnilingualism – Cypher

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Cypher was a mutant with the ability to translate anything — written, spoken, or computer language. It seems like it would be one of the more bearable superpowers on the list to have in the real world, but as a superhero … not so much. How often could he have come across a chance to be useful at all? Maybe if Professor X needed a manual translated, but after deciphering stuff he’d have to completely depend on the other superheroes to do the real work — he was useless in battle.

Turning Completely Flat – Tommy

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Tommy had the ability to render herself into a two-dimensional state, taking on the shape of a piece of paper. There are only two ways we can think of to use this superpower: Giving people paper cuts or sliding under doors/through mail slots. OK, so paper cuts kind of hurt, and they’re pretty annoying, but sliding under things is pretty useless. For those not convinced, she was the first person to die in the Mutant Massacre. On the plus side, Kate Moss could always play her in a movie.

Having Four Arms – Forearm

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For one, having four arms is just plain grotesque. Anyone remember Goro in Mortal Kombat? Forearm managed to buff up to lessen the lame factor, but it still doesn’t change the fact that he had to drag around two more arms. It might be easier to knock someone out and lift things, but we don’t think being horribly disfigured is worth the mildly better chances in a wrestling match.

Niceness Vibes – Goldstar

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Goldstar and his “niceness vibes” have to be one of the lamest things ever concocted in an industry packed full of lameness — especially because they’re considered a superpower. You can even see him on the cover of this comic, wagging his finger at the evil, skull-crushing creatures surrounding him. That’s it? Looks like his favorite thing was to tell everyone to get along while pretending to be a Boy Scout.

Eating Through Anything – Matter Eater Lad

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Alright, so it might be neat to be able to eat anything without consequence — those late night Taco Bell trips would be a lot easier, for one. But when would you ever really have to eat through a wall though? Maybe if you’re a superhero, but it just seems like it’d be a funny thing to watch. Especially when one stops to consider the truism that what must go in must come out. Not to mention, he wasn’t a cannibal — there goes any chance of using his powers to beat up the bad guys.

Summoning Squirrels – Squirrel Girl

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Squirrel Girl seems like early evidence of the Furry Fetish — but we digress. Summoning squirrels to aid in a fight is definitely a lame superpower, really; they couldn’t even spring for ferrets or another creature just a tad more useful than squirrels. It’d be worth it if you could summon, say, elephants, bears or tigers. Something fierce. Don’t squirrels run away from everything? Maybe Squirrel Girl’s squirrels don’t, but it’s nothing a little rodent poison wouldn’t take care of.

Sticky Skin – Tar Baby

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Besides the terrible name, Tar Baby’s superpower is incredibly lame. He had sticky skin, and could secrete some kind of adhesive. Basically everything stuck to him, which would probably be nothing more than a huge pain in the ass, don’t you think? It might come in handy at some point, maybe while shoplifting, but the clean-up and hassle of the whole thing would not be worth it.

Turning Into Any Form of Water – Zan

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The Wonder Twins were lame as it is, what with having to touch each other and chant, “Wonder Twin powers, activate!” Jayna’s powers were neat enough, she could turn into any animal. The usefulness stopped there though, and her brother, Zan, got an even shorter end of the stick. He could turn into any form of water, including liquid, steam or ice. So he could wet beds and turn into sculptures at will? Hopefully Jayna never got thirsty.

There are certain stars who burst into the limelight at a young age, become excessively famous, worshiped and paid more than most of could dream to make in a lifetime. They usually wind up as idols for teens and pre-teens across the globe, who likely grow up along with them, watching intently along the way. Some of these stars fade into the background of Hollywood noise, and some manage to last through it all, well into adulthood. Some even manage a comeback — though whether it’s a good thing or not is always up in the air. For many, it’s just plain bad, while others pull it off with style. These are 15 of America’s teen idols of the past, and where they are now.

Mario Lopez

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Mario Lopez has plagued television since 1989, when he played his only fitting role as AC Slater in Saved By the Bell. After the show finally ended sometime in the mid-nineties, he floundered around Hollywood while trying to somewhat successfully play the stud card his character was known for in the show. For years, he was commonly found hosting the worst shows on TV — the stuff nobody would ever watch to begin with. Only recently, after enough largely shirtless publicity (like getting on Dancing With the Stars), has he begun to get back into the mainstream again. It’s unfortunate, but at least he doesn’t completely ruin every episode of Nip/Tuck that he’s in.

Britney Spears

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We all witnessed the phenomenon known as Britney Spears when she first exploded onto the music scene, and then proceeded to ooze her way into every walk of life. Then we all watched her change, at an alarming pace, into the extremely potent sex symbol she became once she was legal enough. Then she became a train-wreck. Looking back, it feels like it all happened much more quickly than it really did — and her “comeback” has been one of the most pathetic, jarring experiences in the music industry that any of us has ever seen.

Tom Cruise

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Tom Cruise, now one of Hollywood’s most “powerful” celebrities, first started showing up in movies back in 1981, but at the time he wasn’t yet pegged as a rising star. That changed very quickly, and it wasn’t long before Risky Business helped him make it big. Somehow, after he was already quite famous, the universe saw fit to provide us with the amazing, jaw-dropping, unibrow-laden wilderness experience we lovingly remember as Legend. He may like to pretend it didn’t happen, but it’s a classic, and he did get to spend some quality time with Mia Sara.

Hanson

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The world was caught wholly unaware when it was assaulted by Hanson in 1997, and it didn’t know what to do with itself. The “band” actually got three Grammy nominations for their debut album, though how that happened is not easy to understand. Hordes of female fans followed the boys — even though most of them thought they were girls, and Tulsa even named a “Hanson Day.” Seriously. Amazingly, even though they grew up, the boys are still performing and attempting to make music on a regular basis. They’ve even started their own record label now, which doesn’t say much for record label requirements.

Shannen Doherty

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TV bad girl Shannen Doherty entered the field with an advantage, starting off as a child actor, then scoring a big-screen hit with Heathers. She didn’t truly hit it big until Beverly Hills, 90210 in 1990, where she found her niche. Sadly, that was more or less the end of it, with the exception of a short-lived role in Charmed a decade later. Luckily, despite her inability to get along with cast-mates, she’s done three spreads in Playboy magazine, and she still looks good.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar

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With a name that nobody ever remembers after the first time they hear it, Mark-Paul Gosselaar has had a bit of a rocky career after his claim to fame, Saved By the Bell ended back in the nineties. After that, it looked to most of us like he up and vanished, once he grew up and developed a severe douchebag look that killed his fanbase of teenage girls. As it turned out, he was acting small-time roles in crappy TV movies. At one point he took a role in a Lifetime movie in which he played a guy who had to turn to male prostitution to get by while living on the streets. Recently he’s been doing much better though, first with a steady gig in NYPD Blue, and more recently in Raising the Bar.

Sarah Michelle Gellar

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She started off hot and only got hotter as time wore on. Sarah Michelle Gellar, poster girl for teenage boys everywhere during the late nineties, hit it big when she scored the role of Buffy in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Her time on the show helped pave the way for a string of movies, which while not always box office successes all managed to grab our collective attention. She’s a somewhat rare commodity since she’s managed to stick around and stay relevant for this long without a huge blockbuster to back her up, hasn’t lost any of her looks, and hasn’t taken to doing TV movies.

Corey Feldman

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Nobody can figure out just what Corey Feldman had that allowed him to become the star he became back in the eighties. It’s a mystery to this day, but it’s a fact that he was huge. The Goonies, Stand By Me and The Lost Boys were just three of a seriously long list of movies he played a major role in during his hay day. Today, while he’s usually the butt of many jokes, he’s much-loved for nostalgia’s sake, and stays relevant through unorthodox methods — like voicing for Robot Chicken. 

Tiffani Thiessen

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She started off a beauty queen and model, then hit the big time as the hottest girl on the cast of Saved By the Bell, which took her well into the nineties. Instead of fading into obscurity there, she hopped shows and almost immediately picked up a role in Beverly Hills, 90210 as Valerie, but after that show ended she really did fade away for a while. Lately she’s been making a comeback, and can be seen looking as good as ever on White Collar.

Christina Aguilera

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One of several stars of the time who got their start in Disney’s The New Mickey Mouse Club, Christina Aguilera’s approach was a bit more straightforward than those of some of her peers. When she entered the scene, her competition was the likes of Britney Spears, so she jumped straight to dirty and skipped flirty all together. Over the years she’s marked herself as being different from the rest by getting slightly more tame, mature and refined as time goes on, instead of the other way around.

Will Smith

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It’s rare to meet somebody today who doesn’t know at least a couple of lines from theme song to The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. That is Will Smith’s truest legacy, regardless of how many millions he’s made at the box office since. The guy’s a lot older than most people realize, and he was already in his twenties when he began the show, but he was seen largely as a teenager and played the part well. Today he’s probably the most successful star on this list, barring Tom Cruise — because there aren’t any stories of Will Smith going nuts on national TV.

Phoebe Cates

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Who could ever forget Phoebe Cates? Fast Times at Ridgemont High will forever be remembered as the movie that gave us Phoebe in the classic bikini drop scene — and that’s just one of several memorable movies she played a role in. Unfortunately, unlike most stars on this list, she’s gone dormant for the past decade. She married Kevin Kline (you know, think Desperado) and went into mommy-mode.

Luke Perry

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For a guy whose claim to fame was being the oldest actor in a show about High School back in the nineties, Luke Perry was pretty damn famous in his peak. After 90210, however, he pretty much fell off the map — except for a few random roles and guest spots here and there. He’s done a pretty decent job of it though; it may have been short lived but Jeremiah was well-liked by viewers, and everybody noticed the insignificant but memorable role he played in The Fifth Element before that. Strangely enough, he doesn’t appear to be in any danger of being forgotten any time soon.

Mia Sara

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Mia Sara isn’t known for many films, but the few that she is known for are enough to ensure that she’s never forgotten. She started it all off with Tom Cruise in Legend back in 1985, and from there she leapt directly into the roll of Sloane in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with Matthew Broderick. That role alone gave her a degree of immortality, but nearly a whole decade passed before she’d be in another movie audiences would remember: Timecop. She fell off the radar again after that, which is very unfortunate for all of us.

The Backstreet Boys

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1993 will forever be remembered as a terrible, horrifying year. It will be remembered this way because it was the year the Backstreet Boys formed as a group, as though NKOTB wasn’t bad enough. As boy bands go — and they’re all wholly bad — the Backstreet Boys were (and are) especially terrible. Despite their obvious lack of any talent, the group continues, relentlessly, to remain in the limelight, and though they’re down a member since 2007, there are still four of them out there, performing to this day.

Many menu services and individual restaurants have online account feature. Setting up an online account takes a few minutes, as you’ll need to enter your personal information and a credit card. Once you have an account set up, you can log in from your computer or smartphone to place an order, even when you’re on the go.

On of the drawbacks of ordering takeout all the time is that you have very little control over what you’re putting into your body. If you’re health conscious, or watching your weight, ordering takeout may not be the ideal solution. Takeout also has a reputation for being pricey. Eating out occasionally won’t harm your physique or your bank account, but making a frequent habit of it could do some damage.

If you’re kitchen savvy, and have time to cook, but not time to shop, you may want to consider online grocery shopping. There are a wide variety of online grocers and delivery services that allow you to browse their online inventory. Companies like Schwan’s offer a wide variety of pre-packaged frozen dinners, sides, snacks and desserts. After placing your order online, a delivery person brings the food right to your house or apartment. You can even customize your drop-off directions if you won’t be home at the time.

Not every man can live off of frozen meals alone. Some actually enjoy spending time in the kitchen. If you’re one of them, online grocers like Netgrocer and AUL Superstore offer a wide variety of foods, from produce and dairy items, to dried and canned goods. Your local grocery store may even have an online site and delivery service, especially if you live in the city. Ask a clerk at the information desk for details, and if they do offer online shopping and delivery, you can order your groceries for the week without ever setting foot into the grocery store.

Now matter what your schedule is like, making time to shop online is easy. Whether it’s take out Thai food, or fresh produce so you can prep your own food at home, ordering from your computer or smartphone guarantees that the food you crave is only as far away as the ends of your fingertips.

Resources:
http://www.aulsuperstore.com/
http://www.netgrocer.com/
http://www.schwans.com/
http://www.menupages.com/
http://themenupost.com/
http://www.allmenus.com/

As we state often, there are always exceptions to every rule, but some things are fairly universal. Women tend to hold their own birthdays in high regard; there’s the happy party vibe, and there’s the mild self-loathing that accompanies her feeling of getting one year older. It’s a tense time for any would-be gift giver, to be sure. There are certain things that guys simply should not get their girlfriends for their birthdays, however — unless she explicitly asks for them. Some could get a guy slapped, and some might hurt not for what they could get him, but for what he won’t be getting after giving them. These are the 15 worst birthday gifts to give a girlfriend; don’t make any of these mistakes.

Any Household Appliance

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Nothing says romance like a vacuum cleaner. You may think you’re being thoughtful, but the sight of a brand new toaster, vacuum, iron, and so on is tantamount to saying “how about you clean up your dump of an apartment.” Unless she’s in genuine need of one of these things, and asks for it, this is not what you want to hand her on that special day.

Acne or Wrinkle Creams

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We see women spend ridiculous amounts of money and time on facial creams, exfoliants, complexion repair treatments, “age-defying” lotions and all the other things they gobble up on a regular basis. Some of us might get the bright idea to get a girl some of this stuff for her birthday, thinking it’s normal and apparently appreciated. We’d be wrong. Getting a girl anything but scented lotions is like saying she needs some work done, and she’s not likely to appreciate that very much.

Gym Membership

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This should be a no-brainer, but it happens. Guys run into the problem fairly often; their girl gets a little lazy with work and school and setting aside relaxation time, or there’s just too many shots and not enough laps — whatever the case may be, getting her a gym membership is not the answer. It’s liable to get you slapped if you’re not careful (duck fast) and there’s really no way around the fact that it’s pretty insulting.

Nose Hair Trimmer

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As odd as this sounds, it’s happened more times than should ever be counted. Usually as part of a bigger package, lazy guys make the mistake of not accounting for the unisex nature of travel kits. It’s bad enough that you’re handing your girlfriend a totally insincere, last minute “gift,” but having a nose hair trimmer as part of the deal is like a slap to the face — something you should probably expect if you try this one.

A Cook Book

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Much like the household appliances, this screams anything but romance. In fact, what it says most is “get to the kitchen and make me sandwich.” You may as well hand her some oven mitts, an apron, and a bag of flour while you’re at it. As nice as it’d be, we don’t live in the world of Mad Men, and you’d be safer taking her out to dinner instead of giving her instructions on how to make you dinner.

A Bikini Wax Kit

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This says “I don’t like the way your whole crotch looks, and I’d like you to change that for me.” Not exactly the romantic message you want to send to a girl on her birthday, is it? A gift certificate to an expensive, full service salon/spa that also offers bikini wax services is a better bet. You never know, while she’s there, she may decide on her own to go ahead and trim the grounds.

Facial Hair Remover

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These things, hilarious as they may be, are all the rage right now among women. They apparently do work for all sorts of things, but women don’t generally react well to guys suggesting they use them. You may think you’re being clever in getting her a useful tool to use in her never ending quest for beauty, but she’ll think you’re telling her she has a mustache and a unibrow.

A Stripper Pole

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No matter how much she may flirt with the idea of getting one of these things, her birthday is not the day to present her with one. If she decides she wants a stripper pole, an event for which the odds are decidedly against, then feel free to offer to buy her one when that time comes. Just don’t be that guy who gives his girlfriend a stripper pole for her birthday; you’ll never hear the end of it.

Workout Videos

Somewhat like the stripper pole, these ridiculous things are often talked about by women who are fully aware of how dumb they are, but still find some recreational and exercise value in them. The thing is, you can’t just up and give her one of these workout DVDs, and you definitely can’t do it on her birthday. It’s basically saying “you could use this, you’ve been letting yourself go.”

Expensive Diet Plans

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You watch her eat like a bird, she’s picky as hell, she wants to lose five pounds, she eyes every diet in every magazine, and so on, and so on. It doesn’t matter what she says or thinks, you’re not supposed to agree with her in the first place, much less force any sort of diet on her. Even if you spend $1000 on some fancy, wholly ridiculous diet plan and hand it to her, you’re still saying “you’re fat, eat this instead, fatty.”

Tickets to an Event You Want to Attend

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This is usually pretty hilarious to watch take place, but painful at the same time. It goes something like this: Guy wants to go to game/concert/fight/etc. Girl wants to go see [insert any female singer/songwriter] live in concert. Guy doesn’t listen and/or care and buys “her” a pair of extremely expensive tickets to the event that he wants to see, and hands them to her acting like he just gave her an amazing gift. She struggles not to strangle him, thinks he’s an idiot, and she’s right.

Anything for Her Car

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You might think you’re being super helpful and cute by getting her something for her car; maybe it’s a set of matching seat covers or maybe it’s a GPS navigation unit, or even a new sound system that makes your own look like crap. News flash: Chicks don’t really care. If it’s some sort of interior add-on, she’s probably not going to like the color, because she would rather choose it herself or not buy it at all. If it’s electronics, then she probably won’t see the use in it since her stuff works just fine, or she’ll use it like it’s cheap OEM garbage and completely waste the money you spent on it. Just leave her car alone, it’s not worth going there.

The Walgreens Special

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Evidence that a guy completely forgot or blew off his girlfriend’s birthday until the very last minute, the Walgreens Special is simple: You hit up Walgreens or any drug store that lies between work and home, and raid the place for anything and everything that could possibly fill the gaping hole that should be filled with a real birthday present.

A Card with Money

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What are you, her grandfather? Nothing says love like a wad of cash, right? Giving her money for her birthday is basically treating her like a prostitute, and that’s how she’ll feel. You may as well leave it on the nightstand, and give her a slap on the ass while you’re at it. Don’t be her John, be her boyfriend.

Nothing at All

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While, in most cases, she won’t even say a word should you get her absolutely nothing for her birthday, this is the absolute worst thing you could do. Even if she swears up and down for three months beforehand that she doesn’t want a present from you, you should attempt to find some way to honor her wishes but go against them at the same time — even if it’s a single flower, or taking her out to dinner. Just don’t blow it off like you got away with something, she’ll remember it.

There are all sorts of fakers and cheats; many win and get away with it, many others get caught and shunned for their actions. Some are even found out, but walk away as though nothing happened, because the public simply doesn’t care. These are the 15 biggest cheats, fakers and frauds who won. Some kept their winnings, and some are hated and reviled to this day. 

Milli Vanilli

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In 1989 at a live performance put on by MTV, Rob and Fab of Milli Vanilli experienced the worst possible lip-sync disaster imaginable. In the middle of their song “Girl You Know it’s True,” the recording began to skip on the main lyrics — over and over again. Rob and Fab tried to roll with it for as long as they could, but wound up running off the stage. The audience wasn’t immediately sure of what had actually happened, critics took to analyzing and it wasn’t long before the duo was found out for a fraud. They were outed as two hapless male models and stripped of their fame overnight.

James Frey

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Once backed by Oprah herself, James Frey made it big with his supposed memoir, A Million Little Pieces, only to be outed as a fraud for making up large chunks of the story he claimed was autobiographical. He pissed off so many people that Oprah herself confronted him live on TV, and even South Park devoted an episode to immortalizing the scandal with the story of Towelie and his book, A Million Little Fibers.

Priscilla Ceballos

In a half-assed attempt to get her six year-old daughter tickets to see Hannah Montana, Priscilla Ceballos — and her nonexistent eyebrows — fabricated a story to win a contest put on by Disney. The contest goal was for the little girls themselves to write a heart warming story that would win over the contest judges. Priscilla sent in a story that she claimed her daughter wrote, that began with ”My daddy died this year in Iraq.” The story went on in similar tear-jerking fashion, but was completely fabricated. She was found out and put on national TV to apologize for it.

Laura Albert

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Publishing under a pseudonym ”J.T. Leroy,” Laura Albert wrote several fictional books that were supposedly semi-autobiographical memoirs of a twenty-something male prostitute who was homeless and addicted to drugs. Aside from her being a woman, she couldn’t be further from the persona she had concocted as the author. By the time she was found out, she had already gotten as far as a movie-deal, and the company financing the operation filed suit against her for fraud.

The Tunisian 12-Baby Faker

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Last year, the world just would not shut up about Nadya Octomom Suleman, but at the height of her popularity, a challenger arose. Across the world, in Tunisia of all places, a woman who never gave a real name for herself claimed to be pregnant with 12 babies — six boys and six girls — and quickly gobbled up every media headline previously slated for Octomom. After every media outlet had reported on her story twice over, she was found out to be a mentally-unstable fraud who had gone into hiding before anyone had a chance to confirm her identity.

The Onion (Actually Winning a Peabody)

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We’re not about to say a bad word about The Onion for this; it’s just plain funny. The much-loved publication was summoned to Athens, Georgia last year to accept their brand new Peabody Award — an award generally given to journalists who have shown exemplary merit. The folks at The Onion never applied for the award or sent any submission materials, and were as surprised as anyone that they were nominated at all. When accepting the award, their executive producer thanked his “fellow journalists” for the honor.

The Fake Nurse: Betty A. Lichtenstein

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Betty A. Lichtenstein, was arrested last year for pretending to be a registered nurse in Norwalk, Connecticut. She was so good at faking it, apparently, that she was awarded Nurse of the Year by the Connecticut Nursing Association in 2008 — an association that doesn’t even exist. She even staged the banquet where she received the “honor.” 

Robin Goldstein & Osteria L’Intrepido

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Robin Goldstein is a clever fellow, and decided he was as fed up with the pretentious snobbery of wine magazines as the rest of us lowly plebes. He made up a fake restaurant, built a crappy fake website for the place, grabbed a telephone and fax number based in Milan, Italy, and went to work putting together the most pretentious menu he could come up with. For the “reserves” part of the wine list, he used the worst-rated wines in the last decade’s worth of Wine Spectator issues — the magazine he had targeted in an attempt to win their “Award of Excellence.” He paid the $250 fee and entered his restaurant for the magazine to rate, and got the award. He then blogged about the experience and told the magazine, who swear they don’t go around giving these awards away for nothing.

Ernie Bewick

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Ernie Bewick is your traditional Guy Ritchie style english thug with a “protection” business. He ran a security gig in Sunderland, England, where he was a “feared security boss” for nightclubs, pubs, restaurants and hotels in the area. Basically he was such a hardass that the local punks were too afraid of him to mess with whatever establishments said he was their guy. The catch is, old Ernie wasn’t even there, as he was serving two years of a six-year sentence for beating a man to death in a street fight the other guy started. Ernie’s security business literally banking on his name alone, and he was raking in the dough — equal to about $600,000 worth. The government found out about his unstated income in 2004 and he’s been fighting ever since to keep the money.

Tommy Glenn Carmichael

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Tulsa, Oklahoma-based grifter, cheat, shark and gambler Tommy Glenn Carmichael was busted back in the 80’s for scamming slot machines with a handheld device of his own design. After spending some time in prison, and thinking long and hard, he devised new inventions that he later put to use to cheat newer slot machines, constantly upgrading his equipment as time wore on. For years, he played a game of cat and mouse with the country’s leading casino empires, until he was busted again in the late 90’s using what he called a “light wand,” and finally had to switch sides to stay out of prison. Today he makes anti-cheat devices for slot machines, but he’s still banned from casinos for life.

Florida State University

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Florida State got it’s proverbial wrists slapped pretty hard by the NCAA recently for a cheating scandal involving 61 students, who played in 10 different sports for the school. The cheating took place in an online Music Appreciation class — the kind that people take for free credits because they’re so easy. The athletes were apparently so mind-numbingly dense that they couldn’t even pass a class designed to be passed by people who are mind-numbingly dense, and resorted to cheating en masse via use of a “tutor,” who simply gave them the answers to the tests.

José Luis Rodriguez

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We really shouldn’t be too terribly hard on Mr. Rodriguez for his photograph. It’s an amazing shot, truly, and he did title the piece appropriately: Storybook Wolf. His problem is that the contest was for National History Museum’s Wildlife Photographer of the Year, and the wolf he used for the shot is very likely to be a tamed animal. Fact is, wolves don’t like to jump, period, and a real one would have preferred to stuff itself through the gate a thousand times before it would consider leaping over it. On top of that, just what are the odds of happening across a wild wolf hopping over a fence in the middle of the night? Rodriguez was awarded the prize for this photo, only to have it revoked by the judges after calls of cheating were heard. 

Guillaume Chauvin & Remi Huberr

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Guillaume Chauvin & Remi Huberr were two French art students attending Ecole Supérieure des Arts Décoratifs in Strasbourg, France. They entered the Grand Prix du Photoreportage Etudiant, a contest for pictures that best exemplify the art and profession of photojournalism, with a collection of gritty shots showcasing the hardships of modern students. The collection won, and when Gullaume and Remi took the stage, they outed themselves to the judges and audience instead of accepting their award. They said that they never expected to win, and that they had entered the contest in mild protest, as a statement about photojournalism being more staged and artsy today than the real stuff of the past. They only got more recognition after that.

Bill Gates

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1980 was a long, long time ago, and memories aren’t what they used to be. Especially not for IBM, Bill Gates, and anybody who was around back then when DOS first made waves in the tech world. Today, the general public goes on thinking that Bill Gates is the richest man in the world because he invented DOS and Windows and all the other goodies that Microsoft has been peddling since the early days of the PC. The problem is, Bill Gates was never successful in his attempt to build an operating system back in 1980. He paid a man named Tim Paterson $50,000 for his shaky but working operating system, QDOS, which was a rough clone of an already established OS called CP/M, written by Gary Kildall. Gates polished QDOS into a finished product, renamed it DOS, slapped Microsoft on the disk labels and licensed it to IBM in what would become the start of a very lucrative career for an individual of very mediocre technical talent. The rest is blue-screened history.

Thomas Edison

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Edison was a prolific inventor and business man, to be sure, but he was also something of a thieving bastard. At least, that’s what many of his contemporaries called him. Edison ran around gobbling up patents at an inhuman pace, either buying them out or paying off inventors before they filed, so that he could file them instead. His greatest claim to fame, the light bulb, was already installed in street lamps and business signs in England by a man named Joseph Swan, who actually did invent them. In the ensuing legal battle over the US patent for them, he had to agree to take on Swan as a partner for his business dealings in England. Nikola Tesla, inventor of AC power and fluorescent light bulbs, among many other things, died an angry, lonely, bitter man in a New York apartment — cursing Edison because he had stolen several of his inventions and called them his own. Tesla wasn’t the friendliest of guys back in his day, either, but he’d probably be pretty happy knowing that today, he is the one held in high regard, while Edison is widely known for the man he really was.

Earlier we brought you 15 Hottest Newswomen in America, but as many of our readers pointed out, we missed quite a few gorgeous ladies. So this time, we’re hitting all the marks, and we’ve pulled out all the stops. Here are 40 of America’s Hottest Newswomen — watching the news is seriously becoming enjoyable these days.

Satcha Pretto

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Satcha Pretto, now flirting with 30, has led a fast track career in journalism — starting in high school back in Honduras. She moved to the US shortly afterward to study in San Angelo, Texas, and later snagged her first real TV gig in Odessa as a late-night reporter for local KTLE-Telemundo. She moved onward and upward from there, moving to Dallas to work with a Univision affiliate until she made enough of an impression on enough people to get picked up for the real deal. She’s now an Emmy Award-winner and currently co-hosts Univision’s Primer Impacto: Fin de Semana.

Chera Kimiko

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Tulsa, Oklahoma Fox News local anchor Chera Kimiko has won several awards in journalism, and one of the two time-slots she anchors for has been Emmy-nominated twice. She’s a jack of all trades, having worked both radio and TV news while occasionally writing columns for print news as well, and she’s been just about everywhere. She’s worked in Colorado, California, Nevada, Arizona, and most recently, Oklahoma. Before any of that, she studied in England.

Poppy Harlow

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Surprisingly young Poppy Harlow (born Katherine Julia Harlow — we have no idea where Poppy came from) has gone far in the news business in just a few short years. She’s only 27, but while majoring in Political Science and Middle Eastern Studies at Columbia, she snagged an internship at CBS. She moved quickly through the ranks there until graduation, when she got a job working a local New York news station. She must have made some impressions there, because it wasn’t long before Forbes.com picked her up. Her job there helped her snag an even better job working for CNN Money in 2008, where she’s been ever since.

Sharon Tay

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Sharon Tay moved to the US from Singapore when she was only seven, only to move to the Philippines a few short years later. When she finally moved back to the US again, toward the end of high school, it was for good. She went to Boston University where she majored in Broadcast Journalism, and moved on from there to work in California before getting picked up by MSNBC. She anchored and co-hosted two shows there before leaving and now works at a local station in LA.

Jenna Lee

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A San Francisco native, Jenna moved on after graduating from UC Santa Barbara to get her Master’s at Columbia. While in New York, she hooked up with Forbes.com, which gave her a platform to wrangle a job on Fox Business News, where she’s been ever since. She routinely appears on other networks and shows as a contributor, including Inside Edition and Sky News in the UK. Her good looks help make what has traditionally been one of the most boring segments of news a pleasure, and Fox is well aware of the fact.

Patti Ann Browne

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Patti Ann Browne currently has the unfortunate task of working the regular headline updates during Glenn Beck’s show on Fox News. When she’s not doing headline updates, she plays Johnny on the spot to any number of shows on Fox’s schedule, taking anchor’s chair when needed. Everyone’s favorite job of Patti’s is her regular appearances on Greg Gutfeld’s Red Eye, where she can let loose and wear whatever she wants.

Rebecca Jarvis

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Rebecca Jarvis graduated from the University of Chicago and was a finalist on The Apprentice in season 4, narrowly losing at the last minute. She worked for CNBC until just recently and could be working for CBS once her contract is up. Donald Trump got a little testy when he noticed that she didn’t include her time spent on The Apprentice in her CNBC bio. It still isn’t there.

Jodi Applegate

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Jody Applegate graduated NYU with a degree in film, and tried her hand at acting for a short time before taking a job at Good Morning Arizona, on Phoenix station KTVK. Originally from Pittsburg, she slowly made her way back east, first to Boston after working a short while for MSNBC, then to New York, where she’s worked for several stations and shows. She now co-anchors for local News 12 Long Island.

Ciara Coyle

Ciara Coyle majored in Broadcast Journalism at the University of Oregon, but she was born and raised in San Francisco. At the end of her time at the university, she got a job in Eugene, working for an NBC affiliate. That’s where her career in journalism got its kick-start. She moved on to work in Reno, Nevada, where she ended up taking a news-hiatus after only a couple of years, and took a job working public-relations for a casino. After a few years of that, she wound up returning to journalism, and moved to Palm Springs, California, where she works today with another NBC affiliate, KMIR-6.

Alexis Glick

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Sultry Alexis Glick worked for NBC, CNBC, and MSNBC after spending some time as an analyst at Goldman Sachs. She’s a Columbia graduate and native New Yorker. She got picked up by Fox Business News in 2007 and hosted the very same show that her fellow Money Honey, Jenna Lee, began her career in. Just recently, Glick announced that she was leaving Fox, but not where she’s going next.

Christina Park

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Now working at WNYW Fox-5 in New York, Christina Park graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with a degree in Neuroscience. She started off her career in journalism as a staffer at CNN in the Medical & Health department, and even spent some time anchoring for CNN Headline News.

Susan Hendricks

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It seems there’s just something about Palm Springs, California local news station KMIR. Ciara Coyle isn’t the only lady on this list to find an audience there; Susan Hendricks anchored mornings there for a few years before she got picked up by CNN and moved to Atlanta. She’s originally a Jersey girl, but she went to college out in Arizona, and got her start in television with Comcast in LA.

Nineveh Dinha

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Nineveh Dinha started off her career in Yuma, Arizona at KYMA and before that, got her degree in Broadcast Journalism in California. She’s Assyrian by descent but was born in Sweden, and though most of her family is in Europe she decided to stay out west. She now works in Salt Lake City, Utah, and has even won an Edward R. Murrow Award for her work. That is, in fact, a kangaroo in the picture.

Carmen Dominicci

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One of several among Univision’s luscious ladies, Carmen Dominicci was a model, pageant queen and telenovela actress from Puerto Rico before she gave it all up to pursue journalism. She’s both an Emmy and Ace Award-winner, and she’s won a number of others as well. You can catch her these days on any number of time-slots, in Univision’s Primer Impacto — she’s often the weekend vixen.

Norah O’Donnell

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Born in D.C., Norah O’Donnell went to high school in Texas and then went back east to study at Georgetown, where she got her Master’s in International Affairs. She’s now an Emmy Award-winner and Chief D.C. Correspondent for MSNBC. She huge in all the NBC channels, though, and has worked Dateline, The Today Show, Hardball, and Weekend Today, among others.

Michelle Valles

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Now a host and anchor for Austin local CBS affiliate KEYE, Michelle Valles got her start in El Paso at KTSM-TV. She covered numerous national-level stories while there, but took a job in Austin at KXAN, where she picked up several awards.

Molly Line

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Molly Line is now a correspondent for Fox News, but she’s been hopping around the east coast ever since graduating from Virginia Tech. She got her start in Bridgeport, West Virginia as a camera jockey and field-reporter, but soon moved to Albany, New York where she started anchoring. She then moved on to Boston, where she worked for a local Fox News affiliate, and from there she worked her way into the main office where she’s been since.

Lucy Noland

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Born in Saigon, Lucy Noland wound up finding work as an intern for a local Fairbanks, Alaska news station while studying at the university. She moved from Alaska to California after some time and worked for a couple of ABC affiliates, only to wind up getting hired on with CBS. She didn’t stop hopping there, either, as she left CBS to work for a Fox News affiliate in Detroit. From there she went to New York, still working under the Fox umbrella, but today we find her at another CBS affiliate in Houston, Texas. This girl travels.

Becky Quick

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Becky Quick, or Rebecca to the guys in payroll, went into print-news after graduating from Rutgers, and even wrote for The Wall Street Journal. She got picked up by CNBC after a while and worked her way up to becoming co-anchor for The Squawk Box, and is a regular on Fast Money as well.

Bianna Golodryga

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Bianna Golodryga started off covering the New York Stock Exchange for CNBC back in 2001, moving on to produce The Wall Street Journal Report three years later. From there she moved on anchor all the financial reports for national NBC affiliates. She’s worked a slew of programs for the network since, and she can be found most frequently now on Good Morning America.

Lara Logan

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Lara Logan is currently the Chief Foreign Affairs Correspondent for CBS, and also works as a correspondent for 60 Minutes. Her biggest claim to fame is as a war reporter; when the war in Afghanistan broke out, she got in-country and interviewed the forces of the Afghan Northern Alliance while they were fighting the Taliban.

Kerri Lee Halkett

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Twice Emmy Award-winner and all-around beautiful Kerri Lee Halkett anchors for Fox 29 out in Philadelphia, but she’s actually Canadian-born and went to school in Arizona. She’s worked for several stations in several major cities, including Tuscon, D.C. and Boston.

Campbell Brown

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Campbell Brown now anchors for CNN, but has worked in the past for NBC and even won an Emmy while covering Katrina for them. She’s the daughter of a Louisiana State Senator and went to school in her home state, but spent a year teaching English in Eastern Europe before returning to pursue her career in journalism.

Evelyn Taft

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Gorgeous Russian Evelyn Taft was born and raised in San Francisco, and learned English by watching The Weather Channel — which inspired her throughout her life. After graduating from the University of Southern California, she worked for news stations along the central California Coast for a while until San Francisco-based KRON picked her up, and she’s been there ever since.

Julie Banderas

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A Boston native, Julie Banderas got her start in journalism in her hometown, but bounced around the East Coast for a while before landing her current job at Fox News. She was born Julie Bidwell, but later began using Banderas as she’s half Colombian. She’s yet another lovely lady that frequents Fox’s Red Eye, which is when we see her at her best. She’s a pescetarian, meaning she pretty much only eats fish, but we don’t hold that against her.

Kiran Chetry

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Kiran Chetry has been listed numerous times as one of the world’s sexiest news anchors, and she hasn’t lost her touch, either. She was born in Nepal and studied at the University of Maryland, near where she grew up after moving to the States. She started off in journalism at a local station, nearby in Maryland but quickly moved to Pennsylvania, where she began anchoring. She’s since worked several jobs for Fox News and now anchors for CNN’s American Morning.

Michelle Gielan

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Michelle Gielan started off as a software engineer, but made the move into broadcast journalism in 2003 when she got a job working for LA news station. She went from there to El Paso and later moved on to WFLD-TV in Chicago. She got picked up by CBS in 2008 and can be seen now on CBS Morning News.

Amy Robach

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Amy Robach, and her legs, can be seen on NBC’s Today show and often on their Saturday reports. She started working for MSNBC back in 2003, but before her career in journalism she studied at the University of Georgia and was even a runner-up in a Miss Georgia pageant.

Megyn Kelly

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Now one of Fox News’ many beautiful women, Megyn Kelly didn’t start out in journalism. She was originally a lawyer working in New York, but left it all behind to take a job working for an ABC affiliate in D.C., which acted a springboard for her eventual move to Fox. She now co-hosts America’s Newsroom, and will soon host Megyn’s Court, similar to her previous show, Kelly’s Court.

Ines Sainz

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TV Azteca isn’t stupid; when it comes to getting sidelines interviews, few are as capable as Ines Sainz. She’s the sideline sports reporter that may work for an underdog news channel, but still manages to be world-renowned for simply being gorgeous. She’s also known for an after-game round of flirting with Terrell Owens that other networks, who were unable to secure an interview with the guy themselves, recorded from afar.

Mary Beth McDade

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Southern California hottie Mary Beth McDade actually earned her stripes in New York City, where she went to school and had her first starts in journalism. She moved across the country to Los Angeles much later where she bounced around from station to station until settling with KTLA, where she’s been ever since. She often anchors with Sharon Tay — that’s an enjoyable news hour.

Liz Cho

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WABC-TV Eyewitness News reporter and anchor Liz Cho has made quite a name for herself, and was even named one of People magazine’s 50 most beautiful people in 2003. Before working for the New York station that she’s seen on today, she worked for assorted other ABC News affiliates, and even spent some time on Good Morning America.

Christie Paul

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Christie Paul is one of CNN Headline News’ premiere anchors, and came onboard with the network in 2003 after working with CNN affiliate KTVK in Phoenix. Before that, she was an anchor and reporter for NBC affiliate KTVB in Boise, Idaho.

Tamron Hall

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Tamron Hall can be found entrancing audiences everywhere on MSNBC anchoring throughout the day. Prior to that, she spent ten years anchoring and reporting for WFLD-TV in Chicago, and before that she spent some time in Dallas reporting for KTVT.

Jackie Guerrido

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Ridiculously hot Jackie Guerrido is yet another gorgeous Puerto Rican newscaster working for Univision, and can be seen routinely on Primer Impacto. She studied meteorology at the University of Miami and journalism at the University of Florida.

Betty Nguyen

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Though born in Saigon, Betty Nguyen was moved to the US when she was just a baby and grew up fully Texan. She went to school at the University of Texas at Austin, and she’s on of Maxim’s ten hottest newswomen of 2008. She can be found regularly on multiple time-slots at CNN, where she co-anchors for CNN Saturday Morning, CNN Sunday Morning, and CNN Newsroom.

Alycia Lane

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Alycia Lane has had her share of experience working for several television news stations, but her biggest claim to fame is drama. First, a number of pictures of her in a bikini that somehow wound up in the email inbox of a man who happened to be married at the time he received them. The scandal grew into something huge since the guy was Rich Eisen of the NFL. Later, she got into a fight with a female cop (while drunk), and then was fired from the Philadelphia station she was working at. Even bigger than that, it was later found out that a co-worker had been snooping her inbox for years, and stealing information to get the jump on stories ahead of her. He was fired and arrested, then brought up on federal charges.

Erin Burnett

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Erin Burnett is one of the sweethearts of the financial sector, and can be found on CNBC’s Squawk on the Street and Street Signs. She started off as an analyst for Goldman Sachs, and she worked for a time for CNN before moving on to CNBC, where she’s worked on a slew of shows that fit her expertise.

Jillian Barberie

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Jillian Barberie isn’t just known for her diet commercials and her bikini choices; she also spends a great deal of time on Fox Sports and can be seen regularly on Good Day LA.

Nicole Lapin

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Nicole Lapin, probably the youngest woman on this list at only 25, is also probably the most stunningly beautiful. She’s an anchor for CNN Live (their online newscast), but she’s appeared on all other iterations of CNN newscasts as well. She’s from LA and her mom’s a former Miss Israel, and to top it all off she started going to Harvard when she was only 15. This girl is easily better than all of us.

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There are bands and artists who put on live shows so good that recordings of them outsell studio albums. Then there are the countless others who fumble their way through performances on a prayer and a backtrack. While in the past, it was the performers who put on real live shows that won the day, it’s now more common for the “artist” with the best lip-synching skills to come out ahead, as most of the personal cash is made in ticket-sales — not record-sales. Following the unfortunate trend, here are Music’s 15 most notorious fakers and lip-synchers.

Ashlee Simpson

The night that Ashlee Simpson committed career-suicide live on SNL will likely never be forgotten. She previously performed her song “Pieces of Me” using a backtrack and apparently lip-synched well enough to fool the audience, but when it came time to perform her second song of the evening, “Pieces of Me” began playing again while she stood with her mic at her side, and a stupid look on her face. The failure was only exacerbated when she busted out with a terrible jig that she later called “a hoedown,” and then bolted off-stage as her band kept playing.

Shakira

We all love Shakira, you’d have to be crazy not to — the girl’s beautiful, and she’s right about those hips not lying. The thing is, obvious lip-synching is pretty obvious, and in Shakira’s case, it’s pretty damn obvious. She doesn’t do it all the time, and you could even go as far as to say that the majority of her live vocals are probably sung in real-time, but when she breaks out the backtrack, she goes for broke.

Miley Cyrus

As if we needed another reason to scorn the spawn of the Mullet King, Miley Cyrus is a world-class faker. Rumor even has it that she doesn’t bother to stop at just lip-synching and miming, but actually has a body-double take her place during her performances so that she can duck backstage for a breather and a wardrobe change.

Madonna

The video says it all: Madonna hardly bothers to sing anymore. The woman is well over 300 years old by now, so it’s no surprise that she’s feeling the sands of the hourglass, but the level of effort she puts in these days is just pathetic. Even Elton John felt compelled to stop being polite and bashed the shit out of her at an awards banquet in the UK.

Lin Miaoke and the People’s Republic of China

If you don’t remember the great Olympic lip-synching scandal of 2008, then you must have been living under a rock for the year. Lin Miaoke, the cute little girl that China placed in front of the world to sing for the opening ceremony, was actually just lip-synching her way through another little girl’s rendition of the song. The real singer, Yang Peiyi, was deemed “unsuitable” by the Chinese officials because she had buck teeth. We don’t blame little Lin for this one, she’s probably never going to get away from it though.

Lindsay Lohan

We enjoy Lindsay Lohan, though usually not for her music. That being said, her debut performance back in 2004 on ABC’s Good Morning America was nothing short of hilarious. It was a bit more like watching a drunk girl do well at a local bar’s karaoke night than watching a nationally televised live performance, but it’s good for a laugh regardless.

Enrique Iglesias

While many of the members of this list have pretty funny videos floating around — against their wishes — of their disastrous use of lip-synching technology, few are as terrible at it as Enrique Iglesias. The guy just can’t seem to catch a break, with such ridiculous failures as walking away from the mic mid-verse (shown above), and supposed recordings of his real voice popping up from time to time (not pretty). Really topping it all, the Telegraph reported on an Austrian show that went awry when Iglesias showed up an hour late, and proceeded to mime his lyrics, then try to talk to crowd only to realize that his mic was turned off.

Squeeze Theeze Pleeze

This Portuguese band would never even have had the chance to get their name out there had this hilariously failed performance not been recorded and uploaded to YouTube. The band, already handicapped by being solely known in their native stomping grounds, really doesn’t have much to offer aside from comedic relief. After watching this video about 67 times, we’re fine with that.

Michael Jackson

It would be wrong to ever speak ill of Michael Jackson as a performer, as regardless of your own personal feelings toward the man — he put on one hell of a show. What we are going to point out is the fact that it’s a physical impossibility for MJ to do what he did, and still have a voice left for singing perfectly all the time. That being said, it’s no big surprise that he lip-synched pretty often, but in the video above it’s extremely pronounced. We don’t mind, the performance was pretty awesome anyway.

50 Cent

At this performance at the BET Awards, Fifty had a bit of a problem keeping up with the backtrack and lost his lip-sync. He compounded the error by trying to recuperate and pick back up on the next verse, but by the time he managed to get his “voice” back, half the audience was in throes of booing him off the stage.

Ashley Tisdale

There is no word for this 2007 performance of Tisdale’s “Last Christmas” other than fake. Common sense alone dictates that no live performance in the Macy’s Day Parade could possibly be voiced live, as they all take place on floats in the middle of crowded city streets. This is normally not a big issue, except Ashley is just plain bad at it, and the song that’s coming out of the speakers sounds suspiciously like the studio version.

Beyonce

It’s difficult to speak ill of Beyonce in earshot of any of her fans, as it’s a good way to get a stiletto heel shoved in your eye, but we do what must be done here and this one’s important. Beyonce can more than hold her own in the studio — no one’s denying that here — but on stage her performances are little more than flashy aerobic workouts with sporadic commenting into her mic, which isn’t used for any actual singing. 

Britney Spears

Yes, that is Britney Spears’ actual voice, as recorded on numerous occasions while lip-synching during “live” performances. Not only is it actually frighteningly bad, but it’s almost painful to listen to. After hearing these recordings, her Xanax-coated flop of a “performance” on 2007’s VMA’s looks almost decent — and who could forget that show? 

Milli Vanilli

Unique in this list for not requiring a live performance for the world to know they’re fake, Milli Vanilli is single-handedly responsible for both the widespread use — and hatred — of lip-synching today. The duo’s entire existence was based on a lie, since they weren’t actually singers at all, but were actually just a pair of male models with a squad of hired singers laying voice tracks off-camera. It’s hard to believe that back in the early days of this sort of thing, that these guys had the nerve to go out in front of audiences and attempt this live, but they did, and they were eventually found out.

Nirvana

Last but certainly not least is the infamous Nirvana performance on the BBC’s Top of the Tops in 1991. Unlike the others included in this list, Kurt and the boys refused to play ball when asked to mime their performance on the show. They came to a mock agreement with the producers that while the instruments would be mimed to a backtrack, their mics would remain live. This hilariously epic rendition of “Smells Like Teen Spirit” is what came of the ordeal.