Everyone’s got to eat. And when you’re a celebrity and constantly under the watchful eye of the Paparazzi, chances are you’re going to get caught with your mouth open every once in a while. Thanks to the big appetites of some of our favorite (and least favorite) celebrities, some of these unfortunate dining moments get captured by the trigger-happy photogs of Hollywood for the enjoyment of everyone on the Internet.

When faced with a delicious hot dog or yummy ice cream cone, even the most careful celebrity can let his or her guard down. Some of the most awkward photos of celebrities eating food can be found below:

1. Vince Vaughn

Snarfs a hot dog during last month’s Winter Olympics. (image source: celebuzz)

2. Vanessa Hudgens

Making love to a slice of pizza. (image source: ifood)

3. Ben Affleck.

That burger stands no chance against Ben.

(image source: smartcanucks)

4. John Kerry

He may have lost the candidacy for president right here, as he goes all in with a Philly Cheesesteak. (image source: Philly.com)

5. Kim Kardashian

Is either really enjoying this ice cream cone, or really HATING IT. (image source: popsugar)

6. Nicole Richie

Opens wide for a good old fashioned corn dog. (image source: celebrities-eating)

7. AnnaLynne McCord

Though she has appeared in such shows as Nip/Tuck and 90210, she is perhaps best known for this photo with a banana. (image source: Hollywood Grind)

8. Hilary Swank

Celebrating her Oscar win with cheeseburger. (image source: Jazzbots)

9. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Looks like he has traded in his love of dumbbells for  a love of soft swirl. (image source: Contact Music)

10. Jack Nicholson

Having a love affair with a big freaking sandwich. (image source: Gawker)

11. Miley Cyrus

Looks like that milkshake (or is it a parfait?) may have given her a serious case of brain freeze. (image source: The Insider)

12. George Clooney.

The hot dog claims another victim. This time it’s George.

(image source: celebuzz)

13.Keanu Reeves

What goes in must come out. Keanu chooses the front entrance. (image source: celebrities-eating)

14. Mike Tyson

I’m not sure what he is eating here (potato salad?), but whatever it is, he’s making it his bitch. (image source: celebrities-eating)

15. George W. Bush

Enjoying an unconventional meal of corn. (image source: glamorati)

16. A more traditional lunch for the former president.

Source

For every Beyonce Knowles and Jessica Simpson, there is a Solange or Ashlee Simpson out there hoping to ride the coattails of her A-list sister to a little fame and fortune of her own. While most of these siblings are nothing but a reduced-quality copy of the family tree’s favorite daughter in both talent and looks, sometimes the gene pool is deep enough to accommodate more than one Hollywood-bound family member.

For your enjoyment, here are some lesser-known sisters who are actually hotter (or at least every bit as hot) as their celebrity sibling:

Monica Cruz

Hotter than Penelope Cruz!? The hell you say! Well, one look at younger sister Monica, and it’s clear that the Cruz family was blessed with some of the best DNA in all of Latin America. Monica Cruz has been all over Mexican television in the past few years. Look for her to cross over into English-speaking roles in the near future.

Nicky Hilton

This may just be a personal preference, but I’d choose the classier, savvier Nicky Hilton over her slutty sister, Paris, any day of the week. Call me crazy, but there’s just something about a girl who hasn’t made a sex tape (purposely or not) that makes her a little more attractive in my eyes.

Jamie Lynn Spears

Once upon a time, no one could tell me that anyone, let alone some no-name sister, could be hotter than Britney Spears. A few marriages, children and emotional breakdowns later, and it’s safe to say that Brit-Brit’s sex-appeal has faded considerably. While Jamie Lynn already seems to be following in the foot steps of her big sis (teen pregnancy), the fact that she’s doing so out of the limelight seems to be working in her favor.

Savannah Miller

There’s no doubt about it, Sienna Miller is one good-looking woman. However, with her similarly striking long blonde hair (and even longer legs), Savannah Miller makes a solid case for herself. Clearly the looks of these two attractive siblings add up to one epic case of sibling rivalry.

Dedee Pfeiffer

Dedee Pfeiffer is the younger, better-aged version of Michelle Pfeiffer. Apparently, she’s starred in a slew of films, including Wanted and Journey to the Center of the Earth (somehow I was unaware of this). She’s also posed for Playboy, so kudos for her.

Ruby Stewart

Ruby Stewart is the half-sister of model and actress Kimberly Stewart. If you haven’t heard of either of them, just know that they are the offspring of Rod Stewart. While her sister has struggled to grab a foothold in the world of acting, Ruby seems content in posing for lingerie ads and making the occasional cameo at one of her dad’s concerts. I am similarly content in this career path.

Vampires are all the rage these days. And whether you’re a teenage girl swooning over a 108-year-old blood-sucker in Twilight or a middle-aged divorcee longing for the touch of one of the soul-less studs in True Blood, the general consensus is that the modern vampire should be as sexy as possible.

However, any horror movie enthusiast will tell you that such an idea is pure blasphemy. Back when vampire movies were actually good, vampires were frightening, hideous beasts that effectively repulsed rather than attracted. In protest of this terrible trend toward “sexy vampires,” we give you the eight ugliest vampires of all time:

8.) Amy Peterson from Fright Night

Amanda Bearse (Marcy from Married…With Children) has never really been much of a sex symbol. However, her role in Fright Night doesn’t really do much to improve her sex appeal.

(Image via horror-movies)

7.) Santanico Pandemonium: From Dusk Till Dawn

It takes a lot of makeup to make Salma Hayek look ugly. The team behind From Dusk to Dawn makes it happen, however.

(Image via Spill)

6.) Grandpa Munster from The Munsters

Here’s a bit of a palette-cleanser for you. Though not nearly as grotesque as the rest of the ‘pires on this list, Grandpa Munster is hardly easy on the eyes.

(Image via HowStuffWorks)

5 – This vampire from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy faced her fair share of vampires during the cult television series’ run. This image depicts one of the grossest. If any of you Buffy fanboys out there can name this character, then you’re a better man (or woman) than me.

(Image via DemocraticUnderground)

4.) Reggie Calder from Salem’s Lot

Now there’s a smile only a mother could love. Salem’s Lot was a television mini-series released in 1979 that was based on a Stephen King novel

(Image via The Columnists)

3.) Jared Nomak from Blade 2

The “all the better to eat you with” smile of Nomak from Blade 2 does much do diminish what little rugged good looks the original carrier of the Reaper virus might have had otherwise.

(Image via Inadawords)

2.) Nosferatu from Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror

Clearly, the Salem’s Lot vampire was inspired by this classic horror flick. Long fingernails, no neck, long pointy ears and a disgusting face all add up to a vampire that is the complete opposite of Edward Cullen (and that’s a good thing).

(Image via Night Hawk News)

1.) Dwight Renfield from The Night Flier

Dwight isn’t typically a name that instills horror, fear or menace. However, this Dwight is by far one of the ugliest bloodsuckers to ever grace the silver screen. The Night Flier was also based on a Stephen King story.

(Image via Flixster)

Okay, one look at the all-new iPad Apple Tablet, and you’ll instantly realize that it’s essentially a super-sized iPhone. Don’t get me wrong — that’s not a bad thing by any means –- it’s just that I can’t look at Apple’s latest tech toy without picturing King Kong using it to conduct conference calls with his bestest two buddies -– you know, Godzilla and that greedy giant from Jack and the Beanstalk who refused to share his goose that laid the golden eggs.

And hopefully, if I’m lucky enough, I can join in on this epic phone chat when the iPad ships to stores in 60 days so me and my monster bros can finally plan that siege on the eastern U.S. seaboard we’ve been emailing about for the past few months.

But until that time, my inquisitive mind has got me thinking about what other products have been super-sized over the years for the benefit of human kind. As it turns out, there have been a number of embiggened innovations throughout history that stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the assured awesomeness of the new iPad. What follows, are just a few of these perfectly cromulent innovations:

Giant GameBoy

This custom Nintendo GameBoy mod (aptly dubbed the GameMan by its creator) kind of defeats the whole idea of portable gaming. The thing is over 3-feet tall and weighs 100 lbs. (And yes, is completely playable).

Giant Samsung Cell Phone

Turns out Apple isn’t the first company to super-size a cell phone. This giant Samsung cell phone sits in the Guinness Book of World Records as the largest working cell phone in the world. This pocket pal is 15 feet high and 13 feet long.

Giant Remote

Come over to watch TV at my house, and you’ll be flipping through the channels with this enormous remote control. If you think such a ridiculous product is worthless, just ask me how often I miss the first 10 minutes of my show because I can’t find the channel changer. (Answer: never.)

Dallas Cowboy’s Stadium Flat-Screen TV

1080p HDTV has never looked more impressive than at the newly inaugurated Dallas Cowboy’s Stadium. This behemoth spans 60-yards and displays a whopping 11,200 square feet of video –- Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, you’ve never looked better.

Big World – Super Mario Bros. 3

Level Four of the Super Mario Bros. 3 is by far the most memorable world in this classic 8-bit adventure. And even though you could skip right on past Big World with the help of a whistle, why would you ever want to pass up the chance to crush giant Koopas and collect enormous coins?

Bigfoot Monster Truck

The Bigfoot monster truck is one of the most iconic super-sized technologies of all time. And as a resident of Los Angeles, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to take this bad boy out onto the congested streets and just go to town.

Giant Lava Lamp

Wouldn’t you be proud if your hometown built a 60-foot lava lamp to help put themselves on the map? This giant lava lamp -– which sadly has still yet to have been built -– is intended to trip out hippies and stoners alike within a three-mile radius of the intended build site, Soap Lake, Washington.

(Photos Via: Teche Gadget and Popgadget)

What do you get when you combine the wholesome, girl-next-door looks of Dawn Wells with the exotic, classic beauty of Sofia Loren? The answer, my friends, is Claudia Cardinale. Born in Tunisia, infused with an Italian heritage and topped off with a sultry French accent, Claudia Cardinale was one of the most stunningly eclectic beauties of the 1960s and 70s.

Though largely an international movie star, Claudia appeared in a slew of French, Italian and European films -– Cardinale also made the big skip across the pond to delight the eyes of millions of American men in such films as 8 ½ and Once Upon a Time in the West.

One look at this vintage Chickolith, and it’s not hard to see why this former beauty queen was offered countless American movie roles, despite her near complete inability to speak English (she starred in the original Pink Panther with a dubbed over voice).

From her flowing, auburn hair and curvy physique all the way down to those long, olive-tanned legs, Claudia Cardinale offers up enough eye candy to fill Willy Wonka’s entire factory and then some.

Check out the photos of Claudia Cardinale below. Then, watch the video below to see her get in a cat fight with the equally legendary and gorgeous Brigitte Bardot:

But just because the animal kingdom is filled with a bunch of low-IQ imbeciles, that doesn’t mean that us humans can simply sit atop the food chain and laugh at all those snakes, hippos and sharks for not knowing the capital of Montana. (Helena, you manatee.)

You see, much like the stupid kid in your elementary class that turned to bullying to overcompensate for his low reading comprehension, animals are smart enough to know when to fight back. And, as it turns out, when animals attack humans, no amount of reasoning will stop them from totally wailing on our soft, pudgy body frames. As evidence of man’s inability to completely dominate the rest of the animal kingdom, here are 10 pictures of animals kicking our asses:

When the kangaroo says no flash photography, he means it. (photo source)

“Bisect a triangle? How about I bisect your face from your neck instead!?” (photo source)

If only the Detroit Lions could tackle like this. (photo source)

You don’t need smarts to know that poop can be used as a weapon. (photo source)

“No you cannot rub my belly!” (photo source)

“Bruce Lee ain’t got nothing on me.” (photo source)

“I never learned how to read!” (photo source)

Horse bullies grow up to be horse cops. (photo source)

2 + 2 = DEATH…motherfucker! (photo source)

Okay, I know this one’s not real, but something tells me this painting is based on actual events. (photo source)

However, before the gay revolution began a few decades ago, gay men and women were forced to stay completely closeted from the world. This lack of outwardly gay individuals enveloped America in the false belief that homosexuals simply didn’t exist. As a result, plenty of advertisements that are clearly and blatantly gay to the eyes of today’s generation seemed like nothing more than good, wholesome fun to the innocent generations of yesteryear.

Four guys taking a shower together? Well shucks, they must be good buddies!

Throw in the fact that the world “gay” meant an entirely different thing than it does now, and the result is a fairly consistent trickle of unintentionally gay advertising over the years. For your benefit, Manolith has combed the dregs of the Internet to bring the best representations of this happy accident to your computer screen. Eleven of the funniest unintentional homosexual advertisements of all time can be found below:

These men look like they’d be more comfortable hanging out in the steam room at 24 Hour Fitness. (source)

Jimmy just can’t stop sucking them down! (source)

Well, that was awfully generous of you Mr. Court Jester Man. (source)

“Wake up gay?” Well wouldn’t that be a dream come true! (source)

Forget gathering around the water cooler, the group shower is where it’s at. (source)

Judging by the man’s swimsuit, I think that lady’s barking up the wrong tree. (source)

The model choice for this ad makes me think this wasn’t unintentional at all. (source)

“Make your little fairy clean and fresh and fine.” (source)

Those two dapper men on the right just can’t seem to catch the eye of the guy in the see-through tank top. (source)

Johnny Walker –- I think we have a love connection. (source)

Really? He’s Ben-Gay this whole time? (source)

For the unenlightened, a cockblock is anything that gets in the way of you hooking up with a girl. Cockblocks can be people, places or things, and unfortunately, overcoming one of these insidious hurdles is about as probable as a peewee football team scoring a TD on the Steel Curtain of the 1976 Pittsburg Steelers.

Of all the cockblocks you may encounter on any given night, by far one of the worst is the gay friend.

Women love going out with gay men. From the non-stop dancing at the club and the dress-up party beforehand, all the way down to the non-existent expectations at the night’s end, the gay friend shares an especially strong bond with the object of your affection.

And it is because of this that the gay friend is such a formidable foe. His desire to dance will keep you from cutting in. He’ll drink half of every girly drink you graciously offer to your lady. And even though he’s got all the mannerisms and eyeliner of a woman, his ability to think like a man will keep him one step ahead of your desperate attempts to sully the virtuous reputation of his best friend.

Plus, it’s a well known fact that gay men are almost exclusively chauffeured everywhere they go by their non-gay women friends. This means he’s got the extra motivation of not getting ditched to keep him from letting you get anywhere near his hot, curvy friend (I mean the girl, not his penis).

Overcoming the gay friend is difficult, but it can be done. Your best bet is to try and be friendly with both him and his lady. Include him in conversations and tolerate this third wheel on the dance floor with enough finesse and he may let his guard down long enough for you to charm your way into the girl’s heart.

Note: don’t be TOO friendly with the gay friend – this tactic could lead to an extremely awkward moment in the men’s bathroom.

Alternatively, you could try and pass the gay friend off on another gay man. Remember, he may be gay, but he’s still a man – which means he’s just as eager to hook up with someone as you are. Maybe you have a gay friend you can bring along as a diversionary tactic. If not, maybe that wingman of yours will be willing to go the distance despite his heterosexuality (dude, if our roles were reversed, I’d TOTALLY do it for YOU).

Whatever the case, there’s no doubt about it: the gay friend is one big, motherfucking cockblock. Stick to the other gay men, buddy. And leave the girls to us.

Whether all your money is going to tuition or partying, sometimes less important things like food just don’t fit into your budget. Of course, if you find yourself short on cash, you could always get a job (but that’s a last resort). A better way to get by is simply by mooching off your friends, family and college services. Here are some great ways to eat food for free in college:

Join A Club

Lots of clubs offer free meals during club-affiliated meetings and events. If you’re already interested in student government, entrepreneurship or ultimate Frisbee, then bonus -– you’ll have something to talk about while you munch on free Subway subs.

However, it should be noted that you don’t necessarily have to join the club to net their free food. Many clubs are big enough that you can just show up to the meeting, act like a member for a few minutes and swipe your food on the way out the door. To keep your meal plan from getting stale, visit different clubs on different days of the week. For vegetarians, join the animal rights club. Or, for tacos, throw on a sombrero and blend into the Latin Students Union.

Mooch Off Your Friends

If you catch wind that one of your friends is ordering pizza, make a beeline to his or her place. Then, when he says, “Dude, we’re getting a pizza. Want in?” simply reply with, “Nah, I’m not that hungry.” Then, when the pizza comes, change your mind: “Oh, maybe I’ll just have this one little piece.” Then, use a second slice as your “plate” and eat that free pizza double-decker style!

Make a Visit to Ma and Pa

Making a visit home is always good for two things –- free meals and laundry service. If you’d rather not have to put up with your parents, just visit the house when they aren’t there. Then, ransack the fridge and hightail it back to campus.

Hang Out in the School Cafeteria

There are a few different ways you can get free food at the school cafeteria:

• Be a bum: ask people to help a poor classmate out with some spare change.
• Be a creep: sit at a table alone and stare at people eating. When they say, “What?” respond with, “you gonna eat that?” If you’re creepy enough, they’ll lose their appetite and give you their food.
• Be an employee: throw on a paper hat and “bus” tables. Then, take all that uneaten food to an open table and eat like a king.

(Photo By: Tostie 14)

Sure, bananas are cheap and delicious, but how does a company like Dole instill brand loyalty for a product that is pretty much exactly the same regardless of the little cute sticker that’s stamped on the side?

This commercial. This commercial is how you get me (and everyone else) to want to only eat Dole bananas ever again. Del Monte, you can suck it. Chiquita, go fuck yourself. Because you ain’t got nothing on this ingenious Japanese marketing campaign.

Ladies and gents, I give you Banana Man:

Out here in the real world, moments that warrant a man-on-man hug come few and far between. However, if you’re a professional sports player, butt slaps and warm embraces are par for the course. Win or lose, our sports heroes are routinely faced with an emotional roller coaster that would put your girlfriend’s menstrual cycles to shame.

When high fives and back slaps just won’t do, even the manliest sports stars need a hug. While most of these hugs are nothing worth writing home about, the occasional photo snap catches a supremely awkward moment of tenderness between two men.

The most awkward sports hugs of all time are as follows:

Ricky Henderson looks genuinely concerned about how much Mark McLemore is enjoying this hug (and with good reason).

Source

Gary Sheffield exhibiting a textbook definition of “rape eyes.” Judging from Jeter’s body language, no means no, Sheff.

Source

Now that’s what I call a love/hate relationship.

Source

Did Pedro Martinez’s puppy just die?

Source

This magic moment…bring your lips so close to mine. Argentinian futbol star Diego Maradona looks just a little too happy to be hugging a 13-year-old boy.

Source

Something about Ken Griffey Jr.’s stance is just completely off-putting here. Maybe I should cut him some slack -– he had just swatted his 500th home run.

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An uber-rare hand-to-crotch hug. Jim Edmonds, meet Jason Marquis.

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Man, those Yankees sure can’t keep their hands off of Jeter. Matsui either looks extremely concerned, or extremely jealous.

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First off, Jerry Smith (University of Louisville), that’s not how you execute an open-mouth kiss. Second off, that’s not your girlfriend! It’s Juan Palacios! What the hell, man?

Source

See Jerry Smith? That’s how you kiss a teammate.

Source

Watching Mad Men has given me a behind-the-scenes look at how old-school advertisers used to sell even the most unmarketable of products. And when it comes to products that have absolutely no personal benefit, tobacco products take the cake.

As such, smoking products have been, and will always be, about trying to make you look cool. Smoke this brand, get the girl. Smoke that brand, and you’ll be all set to arm wrestle your buddies.

This “lifestyle” slant has made for some hilarious vintage smoking ads over the years. Additionally, early ads often market cigarettes as good for you, or at least less deadly than the alternative. With so much for those ad men to work with, it’s no wonder so many ridiculous smoking ads have cropped up over the years. Here are some of the funniest:

(Ads via Found in Mom’s Basement)

In honor of this supremely ballsy art theft, Manolith is reaching back in time to detail some of the most daring and infamous art heists of all time:

The Gardner Heist

The Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum is a world-famous art museum located in Boston. On March 18, 1990, the value of the total contents in the museum instantly plummeted by $300 million, thanks to two professional thieves.

In the early hours of the morning, the criminals gained entry by posing as Boston police officers. Incognito, they then proceeded to “arrest” the two security guards on duty. With the two night guards tied up in the basement, the criminals took their time plucking 13 priceless artworks from their frames – including five Degas paintings and three Rembrandts. After two trips to their car outside, the criminals disappeared. The paintings and thieves are still at large.

Bye Bye, Mona Lisa

Way back in 1911, Vincenzo Perugia was an employee at the Louvre Museum in Paris. As you can guess by his name, Vinny was of Italian descent. In between pizza pies, the immigrant brooded over the fact that the Mona Lisa, painted by Italian-born Leonardo da Vinci, had been relocated to France. So he decided to steal it.

One day after his shift ended, Perugia hid in a room and waited for nightfall. He then proceeded to slink out of the room, evaded detection by the guards, plucked the painting from the wall, and walked out with the Mona Lisa tucked away under his smock. When Perugia eventually contacted an Italian art dealer (Alfredo Geri) two years later, Geri contacted the authorities and Vinny was arrested.

Tourist Grab at Drumlanrig Castle

Drumlanrig Castle in Scotland is home to a large private collection of artwork. The collection is available for public viewing, a fact that criminals exploited in August of 2003 to steal Leonardo da Vinci’s Madonna of the Yarnwinder (valued at $65 million).

During a typical Castle tour, two criminals acting as tourists attacked their tour guide, grabbed the masterpiece and bolted from the castle as a gaggle of sightseers looked on. Despite snatching the painting in broad daylight with no masks or other form of cover, they got away scott free. That is, until 2007, when Glasgow police raided a law firm, recovered the painting and charged four individuals with crimes relating to the heist.

Attack on Sweden’s National Museum

A robbery that incorporates machine guns and car bombs? Now that’s ballsy. On December 22, 2000, three men stormed into Sweden’s National Museum. As one thief held up the museum staff with a machine gun, the other two grabbed two Renoirs and a Rembrandt off the walls (valued at $30 million in total). Though the heist only took minutes, the criminals set off two car bombs in other parts of the city as diversions to keep the cops busy. For extra ballsiness, the criminals made their getaway in a speedboat.

However, as it turns out, the criminals were all balls and no brain – days after the heist they contacted the police and requested millions of dollars in ransom money. If the crooks had attended Crime 101, they would have known that this was a bonehead move. Shortly after, eight men were arrested.

Honda CR-Z

First introduced as a concept in 2007, Honda now intends to bring this hybrid compact to market. The updated design will be on hand in Tokyo, and attendees are just itching to see what this Honda CR-X inspired hybrid has to offer. Personally, I think this is one of the coolest looking hybrid vehicles I’ve seen that will actually be for sale on dealer lots.

Subaru Hybrid Tourer

Those gullwing doors sure do catch your attention, don’t they? Other than that super sexy exterior, we know that the Hybrid Tourer will boast 4WD, a 2.0-liter turbocharged gas engine and 10-kilowatt front-drive electric motor. Subaru previously announced plans to introduce a hybrid model by 2012, but so far they’ve yet to decide on an actual model. Will the Hybrid Tourer be flapping its wings down an interstate near you? Sadly, not likely.

Honda EV-N

What would an iPod look like in car form? A lot like the all-electric Honda EV-N. Practically oozing with charm, the EV-N is based off the design of a 1960s or 70s Honda N 360. The super tiny city commuter seats 4 passengers (I call shotgun), features solar power technology and comes with swappable upholstery panels so you can change color or pattern. How fast does it go? Probably not very. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting one of these uber cool mini cars. And Honda, in the words of Morrisey, please, please, please let me get what I want.

Power-ups are one of the key ingredients to Nintendo’s Mario Kart games that have made the series such a runaway success. Taking a cue from this recipe for success, the Indy Racing League (IRL) has added the equivalent of super mushrooms to the real-world racing scene.

Since August 1, IRL drivers have been racing with a “push to pass” button strategically placed on the car’s steering wheel. When pressed, the car receives a sudden surge in horsepower, instantly catapulting drivers forward. Power boosts range from five to 20 horsepower.

Already, the gimmick has been heralded as a success, helping to revive excitement in IRL races.

To limit overuse of the push button, drivers are only allotted a certain number of pushes per race. Depending on the specific course layout, racers might be allotted 12 to 15 pushes per race. Duration of power boost is also determined on a track-by-track basis (typically 10 to 20 seconds).

For now, the IRL seems against Mario Kart’s golden mushroom – non-stop mashing is disabled due to a 10-second recharge period.

Given the early success of the power boost, can we expect to see other Mario power-ups in the future? Doubtful, but I, for one, would love to see the racetrack strewn with giant banana peels and Bob-ombs.

Sadly, this most supreme animal does not exist (yet). However, there are a handful of real-world crossbreeds that would gladly eat your face off if given the chance. These animals are created by mating two species that have a similar-enough gene structure.

So, until I can perfect my bear/shark experiments from deep within my underground lair, I give you the most badass animal hybrids that actually exist:

Liger

This is the most well-known animal hybrid, and for good reason. The liger – a crossbreed between a male lion and female tiger – is the largest cat in the world. Ligers possess badass features and characteristics from both parents. They swim like tigers and interact socially like lions. What’s that mean for you? Ligers can team up and track you across land and water, pounce when you least suspect it, crush you with its massive frame and rip you to shreds with its enormous row of sharp fangs. Now that’s pretty badass.

Wolf Dog

Wolfs are the unbridled, untamed-able version of man’s best friend. They are also shy and will generally leave humans alone unless we’re stupid enough to back them in a corner and poke them with a stick. But what happens when you breed a wolf with a common dog? Sometimes, you get a wolf dog with the enlarged jaws and teeth of a wolf and the social tendencies of a domestic dog. Which means that cute, adorable pup will gladly show up on your doorstep and ask to be your friend. Thinking the animal a harmless pooch, you will let him in – and then the wolf in dog’s clothing will reveal itself and open you up with its teeth like a can of tomato soup!

Wholphin

The murderous tendencies of a killer whale combined with the advanced intelligence of a bottlenose dolphin? That’s what you get when you breed a male false killer whale and female bottlenose dolphin. I don’t think I have to dot the lines for you on this one – these super smart killing machines would snap up more surfers and swimmers than that shark from Jaws if the only two in existence weren’t in captivity at Sea Life Park in Hawaii. Note: wholphins also have one-third more teeth than their killer whale fathers (66 as opposed to 44) – making them even more deadly then what Mother Nature intended.

Grolar Bears

Grizzly bears and polar bears live in distinctively different climates. But when you breed them together, these grolar bears could potentially expand their killing fields dramatically. From the North Pole all the way down to the South Pole, no human would be safe. Upping the badass-ness of these rare creatures, is the fact that grolar bears don’t need to be bred in captivity. A handful of confirmed cases of grolar bears being found in the wild suggests that these fuzzy killing machines could easily create their own army of murderous offspring without the help of human intervention.

(Photo Via: Liger, Grolar Bear and HKandy)

Renaissance Magazine

For most of us, the Renaissance Faire is just another lame event that we go out of our way to avoid when it rolls into town each year. But for a select few, REN IS LIFE! For the folks that buy season passes to these fairs, dress in plumed garb and enjoy annoying others with their cockney accents, Renaissance Magazine is the shiznit!

Article titles include “Secret of the Witches’ Brew,” “Selling Your Wares At Faire,” and “How to Prepare the Perfect Plume.”

Sheep!

Sheep! bills itself as “The Voice of the Independent Flockmaster.” Not surprisingly, the magazine is filled with all things sheep-related. Want to know the potential reasons why your sheep is limping (hint: it’s not footrot)? Need tips on power sheering? Want all the news on the latest sheep breeds? It’s all here in Sheep!

Sorry, Sheep!, but not even that exclamation point can get me excited about sheep.

Musky Hunter

Musky Hunter – now that’s a great title for a magazine! No, muskies aren’t what you think they are – they’re fish. And Musky Hunter serves the musky community as North America’s Musky Authority! From beginners to pros, the southern states to the northern border (and even Canada!), Musky Hunter has all the news, tips and tricks you need to catch more muskies!

Splosh!

Don’t you just love when women are caked in slime, baked beans and other messy substances? No? Well then Splosh! is not for you. Splosh! is an adult magazine devoted to those with a wet and messy fetish (WAM). The British mag, which was published in the 90s, featured ladies covered in anything and everything messy enough to turn you on. If you are saddened by the fact that Splosh! is no longer available at your local Barnes and Noble, fear not because the magazine lives on online (18 and over only, kids)!

Girls and Corpses

What could be sexier than girls covered in filth? Why, girls hanging out with decrepit corpses, of course! Girls and Corpses is by far the weirdest magazine idea ever conceived, and offers up exactly what the title suggests. Treat your eyes to such sights as Virgin Mummies, Fatties and Flatties and Satanic Sluts.

Fertilize Your Garden

If you’ve been pissing on your neighbors tomato garden, then you’re on to something. Urine is chemically rich in nitrogen, phosphorous and potassium – three key ingredients found in commercially produced fertilizer. The only problem is that your piss is actually TOO chemically rich, which can lead to plant damage. To provide a healthy dose of nutrients, experts recommend one part urine per 20 parts water.

Drink it!

Yeah, we all know that drinking urine just might save your life if you’re ever set adrift on a raft in the middle of the ocean. But luckily, you don’t have to be dehydrated to enjoy the benefits of drinking pee. Urine has natural bleaching properties, which means a glass a day could keep those pearly whites of yours nice and shiny. Additionally, many cultures drink urine as a home remedy to prevent colds. Not keen on the idea of drinking that same can of Mountain Dew a second time? Too bad – we’ve all got to do our part to reduce, reuse and recycle.

Blow Something Up

Back in the day, urine was used in a pinch to help make black powder for ammunition. To accomplish this, you’ll need to store the urine somewhere so it can ferment for over a year (may I suggest on your kitchen counter in a pitcher marked “lemonade”?) The fermentation causes salts to formulate in the urine. Combine these salts with sulfur and charcoal and BLAM! You’re ready to blow stuff up.

Power Your iPod

Urine as a source of electricity? You better believe it. Researchers in Singapore have already harnessed the potent power of pee to create urine-powered batteries. Apparently, when urine is dropped on copper chloride paper, it creates a chemical reaction that produces electricity. With just a few drops, you’ve got the equivalent of a AA battery.

(Photo via: http://www.good.is/post/pee-totaler/)

The one exception, however, is when it comes to cartoons. Plop me in front of a cartoon with a catchy intro song, poor dialogue and a life lesson at the end, and all of a sudden I’m Encyclopedia Brown. Thankfully, this strong connection with TV has spilled over to help me remember more relevant facts.

For example, I know I had the chicken pox at some point, because I got to stay home and watch a marathon screening of Disney VHS tapes. Also, I know I had a sister, because she used to sit next to me during Disney Afternoon when I came home from that place that had all the kids and desks.

Now, any kid born in the 80s can rattle off the big hits – DuckTales, Smurfs, Snorks, Thundercats, He-Man, Scooby Doo and so on. But can you match my memory and name these more obscure 80s cartoons by the pictures below? For a hint, use your mouse to highlight the invisible white text (answers at the bottom):

Hint: He’s your friend and a whole lot more.

Hint: The two koalas, Blinky and Pinky, hale from Koalawalla Land

Hint: Wings of silver, nerves of steel

Hint: the toys were a much bigger hit than the tv show

Hint: characters include Wise Paw, Brave Paw and Dark Paw

Hint: heroes used laser cables to combat General Plague

Answers:

1. Denver the Last Dinosaur

2. Noozles

3. Silverhawks

4. Dino Riders

5. Paw Paw Bears

6. Sky Commanders

Last week I stumbled across a book of illustrations authored by Matt Leines (You Are Forgiven). After standing there in the store and looking in awe at every image in the book, I can now say that Matt Leines is my new favorite artist. He should be yours, too (or at the very least, you should be aware of him).

You may have seen some of Leines’ work before. He’s done designs for clothing company RVCA, and has had his artwork featured in Swindle magazine. And if you don’t live in one of the fly-over states, then maybe you’ve seen his work in a local art gallery. His art has hung on walls in Los Angeles, New York, Greece and Tokyo, among others.

Matt is often lumped in with graffiti artists and skateboard artists (such as Mark Gonzales and Ed Templeton). This makes sense, given the fact that Leines’ work boasts an unrefined, yet impeccably brilliant style that draws heavily on childhood memories and influences.

For Matt, these influences include pro wrestling, He-Man, superheroes and tigers. Throw in a mixture of more adult interests (he now watches the History Channel for inspiration) and you get artwork that’s part kid’s drawing, part Native American design and part Picasso masterpiece. Check out some of Matt Leines’ work below:

(More Matt Leines art at Swindle and Roberts and Tilton)

Okay, in all seriousness, unless you’re looking for a coupon (or doing research for an article so that you can make fun of deodorant scent names), there’s absolutely no valid reason to visit Right Guard’s consumer website.

That is, unless you want to see a perfect example of what happens when ad campaigns get out of control.

“We hate sweat. We hate the smell of it. We hate the look of it. We hate the feel of it. We are waging war against it, because we want it gone.” This is the first text you will see if you are ever bored enough to visit rightguard.com.

Are they serious? Do they actually think that sounds well written? Do they really think I’m going to read that ad copy and think, “Yes! Here it is! Finally, a deodorant company that is so brazen and uncompromising, they have actually WAGED WAR against my sweaty armpits! I’m sold!”

Dig deeper, and the Right Guard websites is filled with more hilarious gems of over-stylized ad speak:

“Long-lasting protection and patented technologies combine forces to create a juggernaut in the battle against B.O.”

“Its advanced odor-eliminating action makes it a true shutdown defender.”

“Odor and wetness, prepare to get schooled.”

You can also become a fan of Right Guard on Facebook or learn about the “science of sweat” (don’t worry though, the sweat lesson isn’t too nerdy – the chalkboard font has backwards N’s).

And then there’s the deodorant names themselves. Right Guard Xtreme Ultra Gel Cool Peak! Right Guard Xtreme Stealth! Right Guard Powerstripe Fresh Blast!

Right Guard, you are obviously trying too hard (although to be fair, if you uncap that Right Guard Powerstripe Fresh Blast, you totally will be “blasted” with freshness). This “in your face” marketing campaign smells of desperation. And sure, you’re not the only guilty party – Old Spice sells “Red Zone Mountain Rush” and Axe pretty much got the whole ball rolling with those Body Spray commercials.

But newsflash: YOU’RE SELLING DEODORANT! You can’t make it fun. You can’t make it cool. You can’t make it extreme. And that’s fine. All you’ve got to do is make a product that smells good and keeps my pits dry. End of story.

Using official EPA methodology, GM revealed on Tuesday that their upcoming Chevrolet Volt extended-range electric car earns 230 mpg.

Sounds impressive, doesn’t it? After all, such a figure is more than 4-times more efficient than the current reigning hybrid vehicle (Toyota Prius, 50 mpg). And yet, even GM admits that such a figure is a bit of an overstatement.

The 230-mpg mark for the Chevy Volt pertains only to city driving.  As such, the figure benefits from the Volt’s ability to travel up to 40 miles on electric power alone. Throw in higher, more demanding speeds and extended travel times, and the astronomical fuel efficiency quickly plummets.

Still, GM officials are confident that the estimated combined city and highway mileage for the Volt will top triple digits (so, think somewhere around 100 mpg). That’s still a heck of an improvement over the current competition.

However, the Chevy Volt shouldn’t be heralded as a run-away success just yet. Other electric cars are currently in the works at other automakers. Of the few that have reported mileage, the Nissan Leaf (slated for release in late 2010) creams the Volt with an estimated 367 mpg city driving.

Another potential pitfall of the Chevy Volt is a high base MSRP. Starting at $40,000, the Volt is nearly twice as much as the Honda Insight or Toyota Prius. When released in late 2010, will car shoppers be willing to shell at the extra dough for a boost in fuel efficiency? Only time will tell.

Click on Images to Enlarge!

There’s something about a British accent that instantly magnifies a woman’s beauty. And while Kate Beckinsale certainly needs no extra help when it comes to turning on men, I’d be lying if I said the British accent wasn’t part of the appeal.

Remember that cartoon wolf that used to be in all those Tex Avery cartoons? You know, the one whose eyes would shoot out of his head and his heart would pound out of his chest every time he saw a pretty lady? Yeah, well it’s a good thing that big, bad wolf never saw Kate Beckinsale, because his whole body would have imploded with enough velocity, that he would have ripped a Grand Canyon-sized hole into the space-time continuum.

And then where would we all be? Sucked into a floating sea of nothingness for all eternity, that’s where. Thanks a lot, wolfy.

Thankfully, that wolf is a fictional cartoon character. Also, thankfully, Kate Beckinsale is not. Her beautiful presence has helped raise the tolerance-meter on many mediocre films over the years (Underwold: Rise of the Lycans). And of course, she’s also had her fair share of good movies as well (Aviator). The latest Kate Beckinsale joint, Whiteout, is currently out in theatres.

The world of comic books has given the world some of the most original and diabolical antagonists in the history of the written word. Venom, Lex Luthor, Dr. Doom – these are just a few of the supremely badass super villains that us mild-mannered on-lookers simply love to hate.

But for every classic super villain, there are a slew of lesser-known and incredibly less menacing super villains speckled throughout Gotham City, Metropolis and Apokolips.

Hypno-Hustler

Spiderman has faced his fair share of dumb super villains. In the age of disco, Hypno-Hustler emerged as the worst. This dude, named Antoine, was in a disco band and used special goggles and music to hypnotize club-goers into handing over all their money to him (to finance his coke habit?). Luckily, Spiderman hatches a brilliant plan to evade Hypno-Hustler’s mind control tricks – he covers his ears!

Disco + petty larceny + super obvious Achilles Heel = SUPER DUMB!

Humpty Dumpty

When your name is based off a character who’s greatest claim to fame was sitting on a wall (and he couldn’t even do that right), well your chances for striking fear into the hearts and minds of do-gooders is pretty much slim to none. Humpty Dumpty is most famous for his appearance in Batman’s Arkham Asylum series, in which the egg-shaped troublemaker sneaks around disassembling and reassembling various mechanical devices.

He’s fat. He speaks in rhyme. At one point he actually falls off a wall. Sorry, DC Comics, but using nursery rhymes as inspiration for super villains just isn’t going to cut it.

Asbestos Man

When eggheads don’t get the respect from the scientific community that they think they deserve, what do they do? Why they don a ridiculous costume and use their intelligence and childish need for attention to attack superheroes. One of the lamest of these science guys was Orson Kasloff, aka Asbestos Man.

Theorizing that the best way to combat the Human Torch was to wear a suit of flame-retardant material, Kasloff constructs a suit of asbestos. Sadly, Asbestos Man is defeated when the Human Torch melts the handle on his asbestos net, rendering it useless.

Kasloff was sent to prison and never seen again. Given the amount of asbestos exposure he suffered, he probably died of mesothelioma long ago.

Granny Goodness

A super villain built around the persona of Phyllis Diller? Jack Kirby, what were you thinking? Granny first appeared as an adversary in the Mister Miracle series, employed as a trainer for Darkseid’s elite soldiers. She runs the Apokolips orphanage, using severe torture and brainwashing to mold the children into Darkseid’s minions.

I don’t care if she does have superhuman strength. I don’t care if she teleports. I don’t care if she ran a brothel. She’s old, and she goes by “Granny.” That doesn’t scare me in the slightest.

Rainbow Raider

With a name like Roy G. Bivolo, it seems that Roy was always destined to be an artist. Unfortunately, young Roy was born colorblind, spurring his optometrist father to build a pair of goggles that emitted piercing beams of rainbow light.

When the world laughed at his artwork, Roy used these goggles for evil. To get around, Rainbow Raider slides down the pretty rainbows he shoots from his goggles. And to overcome his foes, he has the insidious power to affect people’s emotions by coating them in a specific color (how diabolical!). He is a reoccurring adversary to The Flash.

Sorry, but rainbows just aren’t used for being cool or wicked. They’re used for Care Bears, unicorns and leprechauns.

Honorable Mentions:

• Crazy Quilt
• Doughboy
• The Turtle
• Stilt Man
• Ten-Eyed Man
• The Big Wheel
• Typeface

Did you know Leonardo da Vinci was the first person to ever draw up designs for a humanoid robot? That’s right, one of the world’s greatest thinkers of all time penciled down the idea for a mechanical knight way back in 1495.

And though the world wouldn’t start calling these metallic pseoudo-humans “robots” until Karel Capek introduced the word in 1921 with the release of his play, “Rossum’s Universal Robots,” we’ve been fascinated with the idea ever since.

Today, humanoid robots are being designed to look more and more like actual humans. Which is great for some uses (sex robots), but also more than a bit disheartening. Why? Because there’s just something about the vintage robot aesthetic – those clunky, giant boxes of metal – that makes me yearn for the archaic robo-technology of yesteryear.

Honestly, I think those early sci-fi writers got it right in the beginning. I mean, who wants a robot that doesn’t have a giant metal box for a head? Or vacuum hoses for arms? Or giant C-clamp hands that can crush your esophagus at a moment’s notice?

I don’t know much about what the future holds, but one thing is for certain – the robot apocalypse. And when those robots enslave us all, I sure hope they’ll look a little something like one of the vintage robots below:

–most photos via pleatedjeans.tumblr.com