2. Talk To A Girl, Any Girl: While it’s not technically true that all hardcore gamers have trouble talking to women, it is in fact technically true.

John Mayer’s Penis has been busy these days. First it kept John Mayer from dating black women, and as of this coming Tuesday it is releasing its first solo project.

Second, they always seem to have just enough forehead acne for it to be creepy.

Listen, I’ve been around for a long time guys. Heating your houses, powering your trains, turning myself into diamonds for your wedding rings, I do a lot of good.

4. A witch on fire is worth three tied to a large stone and dropped in the lake.

“I used to get pregnant two or three times a week,” said Jennifer, a teenager, “now I rarely, if ever, get pregnant.”

Rarely do machines come out that are hailed as the next phase in the evolution of technology. The car. The first computer. iCarly…

If Hollywood is absolutely determined to shove 3d into lots of movies where it wasn’t supposed to be, I’ve got a few movies I’d like to see made 3d.

1. Wander aimlessly around a Goodwill: Charlie Sheen would definitely be capable of waking up early, eating a half-eaten old piece of pizza stuck to the couch…

I had the good fortune to be sent by Manolith to screen “Don McKay”, the latest movie to star the brilliant/ physically imposing Thomas Haden Church, and to sit down the director Jake Goldberger, Thomas Haden Church, and Elizabeth Shue. …