If there’s a character more suited for Twitter than Marvel’s angry green giant, we don’t know of him. Hulk’s syntax is restricted, his thoughts come half-formed and he bellows in capital letters. Basically, he’s like everyone on Twitter — only the regular keyboard jockeys can’t get hit with nuclear warheads and survive.
Below, we run down the best Hulk-related Twitter accounts out of the many that exist.
1. Drunk Hulk
The big daddy of all Hulk parody accounts, Drunk Hulk has drawn notice from publications as big as Time and actors as mundane as Russell Brand. Written by a university lecturer living in Poland, he’s one of the biggest parody accounts on Twitter with nearly 200,000 followers. Why’s that? He’s funny, waxing poetic on pop culture in curt and hilarious ways.
KIM KARDASHIAN PREGNANT! KANYE WEST NO FOLLOW INSTRUCTION! NO FEED HER AFTER MIDNIGHT! AND NO EVER GET HER WET!
— DRUNK HULK (@DRUNKHULK) December 31, 2012
DRUNK HULK LOSE HOUR TONIGHT! THIS MUST BE WHAT IT LIKE FOR PEOPLE WHO WATCH GLEE! — DRUNK HULK (@DRUNKHULK) March 11, 2012
BACON SUNDAE AT BURGER KING! HOT DOG STUFF CRUST AT PIZZA HUT! AND BACON COFFIN! LOOK LIKE AL QAEDA PLAYING LONG GAME NOW! — DRUNK HULK (@DRUNKHULK) April 11, 2012
2. Feminist Hulk
Put down your copy of Women Who Run With The Wolves and stop looking at feminist Ryan Gosling memes — those aren’t what you need. You need a big green man talking to you about the burden of male hegemony, contemporary pro-choice issues and the impossible societal standards set for the sisterhood. For me, Feminist Hulk is the funniest Hulk juxtaposition, as none of the Hulk comics I’ve read mention feminist theory. But weirdly, storylines such as the Hulk attending fem lit lectures at the university where Bruce Banner teaches wouldn’t be far off base.
TO WHITE FOLKS WHO UPSET THEY NOT ALLOWED TO USE N-WORD: FIND A NEW FUCKING HOBBY. HULK SUGGEST KNITTING. LOSE VITRIOL, GAIN SCARF. WIN WIN.
— FEMINIST HULK (@feministhulk) July 19, 2013
HULK THINK ABOUT 5% OF “IRONIC SEXISM” LEGITIMATELY IRONIC. THE REST JUST BULLSHIT. FUCK THAT NOISE! THERE BETTER WAYS TO BE CLEVER!
— FEMINIST HULK (@feministhulk) July 6, 2013
AFTER LONG DAY OF SMASH, HULK CURL UP WITH SLEEPING BABY, SIP CHAMOMILE, WATCH MARGARET CHO, HIDE FROM SNOW. EVERYONE NEED A HAPPY PLACE. — FEMINIST HULK (@feministhulk) February 22, 2013
3. Hipster Hulk
When you think of a hipster who smashes everything he doesn’t like, you don’t think about him doing it with his fists. He probably does it with a dismissive eye-roll or a passive-aggressive comment disguised as a compliment. Hipster Hulk would rather watch obscure ’80s cartoons than go out and save the world, which he’s, like, done SO MANY TIMES. Seriously, you guys? Are we still saving the humans? I just want to, like, drink PBR. What? You’re out? *Hulk destroys bar*
ALL HULK SHIRTS TURN TO DEEPEST V THERE IS AFTER HULK TRANSFORM! — HIPSTER HULK (@HIPSTERHULK) June 1, 2012
HULK WANT VARIATION ON NIKE FUELBAND WHERE INSTEAD OF MEASURE STEPS AND NIKE FUEL, IT MEASURE SNARK AND DISDAIN! HULK NEED STAY IN SHAPE!
— HIPSTER HULK (@HIPSTERHULK) April 20, 2012
HULK THINK CHILDISH GAMBINO AND HOODIE ALLEN GO TOGETHER LIKE A FINE WINE WITH ANOTHER HELPING OF WINE! HULK GET WASTED ON THEIR BEATS!
— HIPSTER HULK (@HIPSTERHULK) November 22, 2011
4. Film Critic Hulk
If more film critics had a temperament like the Hulk, people would read more film criticism. Instead, film critics are like Gene Shalit: terrifying men who’ve been driven to bow-ties and afros by watching too many slipshod studio comedies where Adam Sandler dresses like a woman. But if they were driven off the edge and started writing reviews in all caps to harness their rage at a decaying studio system, they might sound a bit like Film Critic Hulk.
HULK’S PRETTY SURE THAT ANTHONY WEINER’S ENTIRE LIFE & POLITICAL CAREER IS BASED ON A DARE. — FILM CRIT HULK (@FilmCritHULK) July 23, 2013
IT’S NOT ABOUT INHERENT GOODNESS OF ORIGINS. NOR SEQUELS. NOR COMING HIGH CONCEPT B.S. IT’S ABOUT TELLING GOOD STORIES & SELLING THEM WELL. — FILM CRIT HULK (@FilmCritHULK) July 22, 2013
THE MEDIAN VOTING AGE FOR THE EMMYS IS 62.
— FILM CRIT HULK (@FilmCritHULK) July 18, 2013
5. Jaded Punk Hulk
You’ve probably met a jaded punk. They’re the guys wandering around with mile-long stares and tattoos that looked great before their skin faded to the kind of leather you’d find being sold in Naples. They might even be turning green, either from track marks or the beer at a Dropkick Murphys show. Jaded Punk Hulk is their talisman, spouting off about the behavior of kids who claim they’re straight edge and pop punk bands who are still releasing music despite it being past the year 2006.
LEMMY COULD TAKE 8 POUND SHIT AND HULK WOULD CARE MORE ABOUT IT THAN ROYAL BABY.
— JADEDPUNKHULK (@JADEDPUNKHULK) July 23, 2013
IF YOU CAN DRIVE SELF TO WARPED TOUR, YOU TOO OLD TO BE GOING TO WARPED TOUR. — JADEDPUNKHULK (@JADEDPUNKHULK) July 20, 2013
WOW EVERYONE MAD ROLLING STONE PUT BOSTON BOMBER ON COVER. NO WORRY! THEY MAKE UP FOR IT BY PUTTING JACK WHITE ON COVER OF NEXT 400 ISSUES. — JADEDPUNKHULK (@JADEDPUNKHULK) July 17, 2013
6. Newfie Hulk
Are you familiar with jokes about Newfoundlanders? Good, neither are most Americans. But according to this Hulk account, they spend their time pooping off the side of boats and making out with cods. I can only assume the Canadian province typically births thousands of rock-star pirates.
HULK AM ALREADY NEWFOUNDLANDER SO WHENEVER HULK KISS COD YOU KNOW IT RECREATIONAL
— NEWFIE HULK (@NEWFIEHULK) June 28, 2013
LAST NIGHT HULK LIE AWAKE IN BED WONDERING WHY DORITO NOT YET BE HAIL AS GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT OF SCIENCE
— NEWFIE HULK (@NEWFIEHULK) March 9, 2013
THESE DAYS ANY TIME HULK SAY WORD “HAVE” HULK MAKE SARCASTIC QUOTE FINGER SIGN FOR MAKE POINT ABOUT NL ECONOMY IE. HULK “HAVE” CHLAMYDIA — NEWFIE HULK (@NEWFIEHULK) March 9, 2013
7. Editor Hulk
Imagine you’re somebody who has to edit dozens of articles a day that are long on spelling errors and short on communicating effectively. Day in and day out. Or you have to write cover copy for a half-formed novel that’s as far from the great American novel as the average person is from Antarctica. It’d make you want to smash things. That’s why most of the editors you may have had the fortune to meet are pretty Hulk-like.
HULK READ MANUSCRIPT WITH ELLIPSES LOOK LIKE THIS: ………………. WONDER IF AUTHOR THINK HULK PAC-MAN OR JUST FALL ASLEEP ON KEYBOARD. — Editor Hulk (@EditorHulk) January 11, 2012
COMMAS NOT LIKE GRENADES IN HOLLYWOOD MOVIES; CANNOT BE TOSSED IN RANDOMLY AND HOPE FOR BEST. GOOD WAY TO GET HURT (BY EDITOR!)
— Editor Hulk (@EditorHulk) September 12, 2011
HULK HATE WHEN SONG HAVE CATCHY BEAT BUT LOUSY GRAMMAR. HULK FEEL LIKE PHILISTINE SINGING BAD LYRICS BUT TURN UP RADIO ANYWAY.
— Editor Hulk (@EditorHulk) August 19, 2010
8. Grammar Hulk
Along the same continuum as Editor Hulk is Grammar Hulk. You probably know a Grammar Hulk in real life: when you send them a text that confuses your with you’re, you instantly look for giant hands to punch you in the side of the neck.
“thousands of A.T.M.’s” NO NO NO NO NO! THAT APOSTROPHE LOOK MORE OUT OF PLACE THAN HULK AT WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER! — GRAMMARHULK (@GRAMMARHULK) May 9, 2013
IN CASE U.K./EUROPE FOLKS CONFUSED, IN U.S. HULK SAY “DRUNK DRIVING” AND “DRIVE DRUNK” UNLESS AUTOCORRECT GET IN WAY! — GRAMMARHULK (@GRAMMARHULK) March 17, 2013
HULK WANT SOMEONE TO WRITE THESIS ABOUT WHY TWEETS MISSING FINAL PERIOD ARE FUNNIER
— GRAMMARHULK (@GRAMMARHULK) December 17, 2012
9. Real Hulk
What if the Hulk got down whenever bad news broke? What if he was constantly expressing his disappointment instead of rage? Then he’d be Real Hulk. Real Hulk talks about the passing of prominent figures of history, the crushing ennui of life, and Israel involving themselves in conflicts they shouldn’t be involved in. Heady stuff for a hero who once bellowed he was going to kill Freddie Prinze Jr.
HULK NOT SURE WHY HE HOPED HISTORY CHANNEL PORTRAY JESUS ACCURATELY AS MIDDLE EASTERN MAN. THIS SAME CHANNEL RUNS ALIEN HISTORY 24/7.
— HULK (@Real_Hulk) March 18, 2013
HULK NOT SURE MORAL OF RUDOLPH RED-NOSED REINDEER A GOOD ONE. PEOPLE ONLY LIKE YOU WHEN THEY NEED SOMETHING? — HULK (@Real_Hulk) December 11, 2012
HULK TIRED OF ISRAEL ACTING LIKE SPOILED YOUNGER SIBLING. WHO DECLARES WAR WITHOUT U.N. SANCTION? ON TWITTER NO LESS? HULK DISGUSTED. — HULK (@Real_Hulk) November 14, 2012
10. Buddhist Hulk
There have been story arcs in the Hulk-verse where Bruce Banner learns the power of meditation and suppresses his rage, usually only to be awoken by someone making lewd comments about his beloved Betty. Damon Lindelof did a stretch dealing with that. We’ve all encountered people who brag about their granola-fied enlightenment or people who are that much more serene at meditation yoga — Buddhist Hulk gives them a voice. A harsh, all-caps voice.
IT SNOWING. HULK PUT ON SNOWPANTS OVER LITTLE PURPLE SHORTS AND GO SMASH SNOWBALLS. IMPERMANENCE CAN BE PRETTY.
— BUDDHIST HULK (@BuddhistHulk) January 20, 2011
HULK GOT MASSAGE. BEING TOUCHED WITH KINDNESS MAKE IT EASIER TO HOLD BIG GREEN BODY WITH KINDNESS HULKSELF.
— BUDDHIST HULK (@BuddhistHulk) January 3, 2011
SOMETIMES SMASH INEFFECTIVE AGAINST NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. THEN HULK RESORT TO SECRET WEAPON: PATIENCE.
— BUDDHIST HULK (@BuddhistHulk) December 13, 2010