Curler Suspended for Performance Enhancing Drugs — Wait, What?

I’m 30 years old, which is a bit past my athletic peak. I play sports recreationally and I’m okay, but I’ve never competed at a high level. Every two years, I find myself getting a bit depressed because I’m reminded that I’ll never win an Olympic gold medal. I missed my chance.

Photo via

Photo via

Then I remember that the sport of curling exists. Curling offers hope. In what other sport can a team of chubby, middle-aged men legitimately say they’re the best in the world? At the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, the gold medal in men’s curling was won by the Canadian team, led by 43-year-old skip Kevin Martin.

Curling requires about the same athleticism as doing chores around the house. You push a heavy stone down a sheet of ice and maybe sweep a bit along the way. Ho hum. When you’re done pushing stones, you drink beer — it’s a requirement of the sport (and of doing chores, too).

So, it should come as a shock to hear that a world-class Canadian curler was just suspended for doping. Yes, a curler was taking performance-enhancing drugs.

His name is Matt Dumontelle and he’s an alternate for the North Ontario team that competes in Canada. He was busted with methandienone metabolites in his system, which he says was in a workout supplement he was taking.

Wait… curlers work out?

Actually, it appears some of them do. Take a look at how ripped some of these guys are. The one who got suspended is on the far left:

Photo credit: Chad Hipolito / The Canadian Press

Photo credit: Chad Hipolito / The Canadian Press

Did I miss something? Did curling suddenly become a sport full of buff guys?

This calls for a sweeping investigation!

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