Joe Nagy of Arizona thought he had been suffering from allergies for years, despite the arid Arizona climate.
His nose just wouldn’t stop running, and his Kleenex expenses were presumably through the roof.
He tried all sorts of allergy medications, but nothing would stop his pesky nasal drip.
Finally, fed up with his schnoz dripping onto blueprints for his beloved model airplanes, Nagy saw a doctor and demanded an answer.
The answer: his brain was leaking. The goo dribbling out of his honker wasn’t garden-variety snot at all, but the fluid in which his gray matter was supposed to be immersed.
Surgery fixed up his leaky faucet, but it was a scary time for Nagy. Fox News covered the story without once taking a cheap shot at Barack Obama:
And now that you know a leaky brain is a real possibility, you’re probably going to worry about it next time you get a runny nose. According to the doctor who fixed Nagy’s nasal plumbing, the problem is actually relatively common, but frequently misdiagnosed as allergies or a cold.
So we offer these five handy tips, based on no medical training or expertise whatsoever, on How To Distinguish a Runny Nose From a Leaky Brain:
When your nose drips, does it make a “brooop” sound? If so, you might be in trouble. Nagy said that when he sat up in bed, the leaking brain goo spilling from his nostrils would make a “brooop” noise. Typical snot should drip more slowly, thus making more of a squishier or slurpier noise (if any).
2. Feel thirsty?
Nagy’s body was working overtime to replenish brain fluid after his noggin sprung a leak. Normally your body will produce roughly a half-liter of brain fluid each day.
If your brain is leaking, your body will need more fluid to keep basting your brain. Buy Gatorade, see a doctor.
3. Recent head injury? Spinal tap? Surgery?
If you’ve recently had a concussion, endured a spinal tap or had other surgery on head, there’s a chance the membrane around your noodle got punctured, which could lead to brain-leak.
If you happen to be allergic to hospitals, you might be doubly screwed.
4. Is the goo colorful?
Does the glop coming out of your nostrils have a greenish-yellowy hue? Fear not, that’s just allergies.
Brain fluid is clear, unless you’ve been having dark thoughts. True facts.
5. Do your “allergies” coincide with a sudden feeling of stupidity?
If so, your brain is probably leaking. Watch reruns of Full House until you’re at peace with your lower I.Q.