Somebody get this guy an Internet connection, pronto.
Apparently unaware of the limitless volumes of masturbatory fodder available online, 45-year-old Kevin Waldrum turned to the oh-so-1990s practice of pay-by-the-minute phone sex to get his rocks off.
Now the poor schlub is struggling to pay the bill — partly because he’s unemployed, but mostly because the bill totaled roughly $140,000.
That’s what happens when you spend up to 22 hours a day talking dirty to a service that charges three bucks a minute.
Instead of doing the sensible thing — faking his own death and stowing away on a freighter bound for some South Pacific island — Waldrum incredibly went to the press, claiming he’d been duped by the false niceties of the women on the other end of the line.
He claims the women pretended to be interested in him to keep him on the line longer. Ya think?
“I admit it’s partly my fault,” Waldrum told the Sun newspaper.
You mean the part where you gave your credit card number to a phone sex company and then spent dozens of hours chatting with the ladies?
Yes, Kevin, that part was your fault.