The NFL Is Putting Cameras in Every Locker Room, So Get Ready to See Some Player Dong

Photo credit: Matthew Emmons / USA TODAY Sports

Anyone interested in a job as a dong censor? Because the NFL will soon need 32 of them.

According to Mike Florio of, the NFL is set to require all of its teams to install a video camera in the home team’s locker room during the 2013 season.

The reason? It’s not to get footage of football players’ infamously gigantic schlongs — though that’s an inevitability, as few players are shy about walking around nude. Instead, the league will have teams edit together footage shot in the locker room — like players suiting up before the game and inspirational speeches from coaches — to be played on in-stadium video boards before and/or during the game.

Florio notes that teams will be allowed to carefully edit out any aspect of the footage that might give their opponents a strategic advantage. They’ll also presumably be allowed to censor all the penises.

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The thinking is that it will help the fans in the stadium feel a more intimate connection to the players on the field.

In the era of gigantic high-definition televisions that make watching the game from the comfort of your home very appealing, the NFL is pulling out all the stops in an effort to convince fans that it’s still worthwhile to shell out $90 for a ticket and $20 more for parking for the privilege of watching a game in-person from the nosebleeds (and quite possibly in inclement weather).

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