Cover Your Eyes: The ‘Thong Bandit’ Is on the Loose!

Sketch via Denver Police

It just wouldn’t be a Manolith Friday if we didn’t cover a story steeped in absurdity.

Women in the Denver area, beware. The so-called “thong bandit” is on the loose. No, he won’t steal your thongs. But he will flash his.

The Thong Bandit stands at approximately 5 feet 7 inches tell. He is possibly in his 20s or 30s, and he may be either white or Hispanic (here’s a thought, Denver police: maybe he’s both?). If you see a man, and he tries to show you his undies, he is probably the Thong Bandit! Do not stop to party with him. Police want you to call 9-1-1.

The thong bandit has been running around the northwest part of the city, flashing women on warmer days. Well, not fully flashing women, per se, but rather finding an alley, where he’ll strip down to his preferred pink thong before putting himself on display for a few lucky ladies. Occasionally, he has worn other colors, but pink is allegedly the most prominent.

Police are actively pursuing the guy as a sexual deviant. They’re concerned that his behavior could escalate. For some reason, it sounds more like a fraternity hazing, or ongoing prank, but I suppose one can never be too safe these days.

With that, police are also hoping some of these unlucky women might be able to snap a photo via cellphone, when flashed by the bandit.

Hold up a second. Police are concerned that this clown’s behavior could escalate? Potentially become dangerous and/or threatening, yet they’re cool with women busting out their iPhone to snap a quick pic?

I wonder if police have contacted Chris Pontius, aka “Party Boy” from Jackass, to see of his whereabouts over the last few weeks?

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