Anybody who claims to be a morning person is either a liar or crazy — and possibly both.
Extracting oneself from the cozy comfort of bed to face a cold, dark morning is one of life’s bitterest pills.
Once upon a time, before the advent of Mp3 players, people were forced to endure giddy radio DJs jibber-jabbering on their clock radios — or, even worse, the jarring clang of an actual alarm clock.
But now, thanks to gizmos like iPods and docks, one can be roused from a blissful slumber with an agreeable, personalized soundtrack. Just as breakfast is the most important meal of the day, your alarm clock song could well be the most important sound of your day.
Motivational Music to Take on the World (and Crane-Kick Bullies)
“You’re the Best” by Joe Esposito
If Daniel-San can overcome adversity and defeat the dastardly warriors of the Cobra Kai dojo despite a damaged knee, you can certainly haul yourself out of bed and get to work almost on time. Why? Because you’re the best…..around!
For a Gradual, Hungover, Weekend Wake-Up
“Echoes” by Pink Floyd
Why shock your brain into consciousness if you don’t have to? Particularly if your brain is still stewing in the toxic soup from the night before? Instead, let Pink Floyd ease you into the day with a 23-minute dreamscape that might eventually embolden you to try a cautious sip of water.
To Wake Up With Purpose (and Hipster Cred)
“Wake Up” by Arcade Fire
With its rousing, memorable chorus (sing along: “Ahhhh, ahhhh, ahh-ahh-ahh-ahh-ahhhh, etc.), this one will motivate you to climb out of bed, tousle your bedhead to make it sylishly messier and take your e-reader to the nearest indie coffee shop for something frothy.
To Wake Up and Fight the Powers That Be
“Wake up” by Rage Against the Machine
“What I gotta do, what I gotta do to wake you up?!” asks Zack de la Rocha in this early-’90s political rap-rock anthem. The answer: keep shouting the words “wake up” in that angst-soaked teen-on-a-tantrum tone, Zack. That’ll work. With this song, you’ll certainly get out of bed — either to hit the snooze button or overthrow the government.
To Start Your Day with Smoove Swagger
“Good Morning” by Kanye West
Kayne starts this ditty by saying “good morning” four times in a row, which would be a lovely way to wake up if he didn’t follow it, almost immediately, with “you got D’s motherf***er.” Perhaps he’s referring to Kim’s bra size? The only problem with this song is that it ends with “get on down,” which could be construed as an order to get back in bed.
To Wake Up Ready to Kick Some Ass
“Jump da F*** Up” by Soulfly
If anything can get you out of bed faster, with more fire in your belly, than Brazilian thrash metal, it’s probably an illegal stimulant. As if this song weren’t furious and concussive enough, Soulfly got one of the evil clowns from Slipknot to provide guest vocals. A more intense wake-up call than finding a severed horse head in bed.
To Be Coached (Angrily) Through Your Morning Routine
“Chop Suey” by System of a Down
Sometimes, when you’re groggy after a particularly deep sleep, you can barely remember how to perform even the most basic human functions. Thankfully, System of a Down have provided this handy step-by-step guide to morning rituals: “Wake up! Grab a brush and put on a little makeup!” To help you along, they scream it repeatedly.
To Relive the Same Day Again and Again
“I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher
When Bill Murray was trapped in Punxsutawny, doomed to report on the town’s Groundhog Day tradition in a cycle of eternal recurrence, he awoke at 6 a.m. every day to this song. Eventually, he learned a valuable lesson and everything worked out great. So maybe the same will happen to you. As a rule of thumb, it’s always a good idea to be like Bill Murray whenever possible.
To Start Your Day Feelin’ Irie, Mon
“Wake Up,” by Bob Marley
Get up and wake up and live! Why? Because Bob Marley said so. Who are you to defy the orders of Bob Marley? The only problem with using this song as your alarm music is that you might doze into a wonderful dream about lying on a white-sand beach, blissfully enveloped in a haze of herbal exhaust…
To Wake Up Bright-Eyed, Bushy-Tailed and Annoyingly Chipper
“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” by Wham
If your job requires you to greet people with a big smile and a boisterous “good morning,” this song should put you in the proper mindset. Just don’t blame us if someone punches you in your grinning mouth.