The Annoying Crap Nobody Told You About Getting Older

Photo via

How you feeling at that ripe old age of 23? 28? 35?

I feel ya. It happens fast. And oh, what they didn’t tell you about getting older. Because dudes don’t talk about that stuff.

No, it’s not all bad. However, you must prepare to deal with the unexpected. Some of it you have to live with, but other things… they can be beaten back like a snake in the grass.

Hair Loss

This sucks on multiple levels. That beautiful mop you once had control over? There’s a chance it may thin and fall out. Fortunately, you live in the 21st century and there are things you can do about it if you catch the issues early. For example, LEDs. Yep. Good old light emitting diodes. They’re not just for TVs. These “lasers” can help trigger blood flow and fight the effects of dihydrotestosterone (DHT), the hormonal byproduct that chokes out the hair follicles on the head. Here’s the deal. Once hair is gone, it’s gone (without a transplant). Address these issues early.

Unexpected Hair Growth

In addition to the hair falling out of your head, there may be more hair in random places, such as on your ears and in your nose, and it’s probably a safe bet that your eyebrows will get out of control. These are easy fixes. A small trimmer can maintain all of these issues. Personally, I don’t have excessive hair issues, but I do like to get my eyebrows threaded. It cleans them up without leaving them looking overly sculpted.

Warm-up Before You Exercise

Some of you dudes are like classic cars. You were amazing right off the lot, but, as years have passed, you’ve used your horsepower less frequently. This isn’t to say your power isn’t still available, but there’s a good chance some of your components could give out if too much power is applied in a quick and sudden burst.

In other words, warm-up before you compete or you exercise intensely. If you’re a clean-livin’, always-exercisin’ type, perhaps you can drop and go well into your 60s. Good for you.

You Cannot Eat Whatever You Want

This may be the suckiest suck that ever sucked. As you get older, you cannot shovel massive quantities of junk food into your body and expect to look good or perform well. This includes performance in all aspects of life — understand? Put good stuff into your body. If you don’t like healthy food, get over yourself — picky eating is for kids. It’s a worthwhile, edible investment.

Visit the Dentist Regularly

When you’re a kid, your parentals ensure that you get to the dentist regularly. This is personal responsibility and a must as you get older. Routine maintenance will save you pain and suffering physically and financially. And to slide all cynicism aside, dental health is crucial to overall health. Brush and floss daily. Schedule regular check-ups and oral cleanings.

Stop Trying to Date 22-Year-Old Girls

This is crucial for your development as a man. Unless you’ve really got the swagger of a sought-after celeb, don’t be in your mid- to late 30s trying to enjoy relationships with women who are in (or have just finished) college. I don’t care how many times you tell us “she’s an old soul,” we’re not buying it. In fact, we’re probably making fun of your behind your back. Especially if you’re taking her to things like Lady Gaga concerts.

Leave a Reply

Comments are closed.