Defending Miley Cyrus: An Attack on the Modern Writer

I’m fascinated by the hatred against Miley Cyrus. I realized just how hypocritical this country was when America attacked her for doing what most of us do in our personal lives. We’re a continent made up of drunken, horny slobs. The difference between Miley Cyrus and the rest of us is she found a way to make money acting like that while those who criticize her die in some obscure marketing job that proves their existence never mattered.

Miley’s biggest critics are women. Droves of them dedicate their Twitter feeds and Facebook statuses to talk about how “ratchet” she is (I don’t know what “ratchet” is supposed to mean. What I do know is that the ratchet is a good goddamn tool that’s very useful. I don’t see how this has been turned into an insult.). Even professional writers have voiced their opinion in longform articles that can really be summed up in three words: “She’s a hoe.” More recently, an assistant editor for Slate, (Oh god. Here comes professional bridge burn #1) wrote an article titled, “If Miley Cyrus Were Really Fearless, She’d Put on Some Clothes.”

What bugs me about that is someone who is getting paid to write has the same opinions on Miley Cyrus as JackOff411 and ProudMom217 on Twitter. When those in the realm of creativity get paid to create, it’s almost thievery to throw out an opinion that’s been said 1,000,000,000,000 times. A crowd at the Comedy Cellar would be pissed – and rightfully so – if Dan Soder or Jim Norton started telling hack street jokes like “Once you go black you never go back.” Those guys are professionals though and would never do that. If a bit even sounds similar to another comic’s they won’t even touch it. I don’t understand how writers are exempt from being called hacks if their article idea has been vomited hundreds of thousands of times all over the Internet. Something is wrong here.

The lack of originality in the Miley Cyrus attacks isn’t the only thing that bugs me. During my lifetime I have sat through too many women complaining about sexual double-standards.

“It’s not fair,” they say. “If I fuck a lot of guys, I’m a hoe. If a guy does it he’s awesome.”

First off, any person who labels a woman as a slut is not good people. Nobody should be brought down because of their sexual practices. (That and women with experience are just sexier. What am I gonna do with some virginal angel? I’m not 15 anymore. I’m a grown up. Give me someone who has been around the block a few times.) Almost every woman in America has spewed this rant before, yet the majority of Miley Cyrus’ attackers are female. This is such a hypocritical standard.

A lot of feminists like to say there is a War on Women, but after hours of reading through Tweets, blogs, articles and Facebook statuses, I realized there are no bigger perpetrators on this so called War on Women than the women themselves. Here was every woman’s chance to join together and celebrate feminine sexuality on a grand stage, and they completely blew it. Now that word “slut” is as strong as ever and will continue to bring down women. The best part is, they can’t blame men for this one. This is on them.

I don’t believe for one second that the attack on Miley Cyrus is some moralistic battle, either. This crusade to make her out to be public enemy number one is more a selfish one. Can these awful-named-tweeters and female writers just admit they don’t care about the kids and come out and say Miley Cyrus personally makes them uncomfortable? Their inability to show vulnerability translates into an all out attack because they’re too afraid to admit something about her scares them. This is why comics such as Jim Norton, Patrice Oneal, and Greg Giraldo are the new F. Scott Fitzgeralds, Ernest Hemmingways and Hunter Thompsons. They aren’t afraid to show weakness on stage. Being a writer used to be a cool. Sadly, writers have given all their coolness away just so commenters can agree with them and they have some traffic on their site.

We’re such a repressed country, someone has to proudly shake their ass for us on television. The modern woman is comprised of individuals who want to prove they can shed the chains of kitchens and have sexual equality with men, but a girl like Miley Cyrus, who in a way is fighting for that sexual equality, is shunned by headlines in big scarlet font that say SLUT.

On behalf of every writer and creative person in general, I’d like to personally apologize to Miley Cyrus. My peers like to claim they are open minded, progressive, liberal individuals, but at the end of the day they’re as conservative as any geezer politician building a House of Cards. Cyrus’ sexual individuality makes weak men and prude women uncomfortable because they’re caught up in that American bullshit of pleasing everyone. It scares them to see someone follow the “Be Yourself” ideology because they don’t have the balls (or the ov’s) to do it themselves.

Here is the creator of the Good Ol’ American Bullshit idea himself, George Carlin:

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4 Responses to Defending Miley Cyrus: An Attack on the Modern Writer

  1. I agree that calling her a “slut” is stupid and mean, but mainly because she didn’t do anything that a thousand hip-hop backup dancers and Madonna haven’t done on stage.

    As a Gen-X white male I will admit that watching her antics kind of creeped me out. But there was no moralistic feeling about it. It just seemed very deliberate and un-sexy to me. Maybe if I was 18 still I would feel differently. I don’t begrudge her the right to whatever showmanship she wants to pursue, but it seemed like a pretty obvious attempt to generate controversy, as opposed to an actual shot at sexuality or real sexual expression.

    • Also being a Gen X white male, the part that bothered me was “Growing Pains” Jason Seaver’s son (aka Alan Thicke), Robin Thicke, up on Miley like he was also 20. He is another Gen X white male.

      I’ve always found these antics to be comedic, rather than sexy. That includes Madonna, Brittany Spears, etc. It’s quite a grab for MTV, which has become completely irrelevant on the other 364 nights of the year.

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