The Boston Red Sox are not only one of the great historic teams of Major League Baseball, but also masters of comedic timing and the modern rally beard. The current squad in Beantown is sporting a wide array of aggressive beards for the playoffs that are magical and timely. One is simply unable to look at the scraggly facial hair of the BoSox and not think of the crossover to cinema. Perhaps these beards are best suited for foreign dramas, or maybe even a gritty domestic thriller, but all can agree that the beards have the classic “it” factor. Scholars maintain the players have grown the beards as a display of team unity, however word on the street is that several of the players are subtly auditioning for future film roles. Let’s take a look at the best fits.
Clay Buchholz as Amersterdam Vallon
Who isn’t a fan of Martin Scorsese’s 2002 film “Gangs of New York?” One may believe that Buchholz was inspired by the Leonardo DiCaprio character in the film, Amsterdam Vallon, as he is now rocking the edgy, street-tough appearance. Word on the proverbial street is that Buchholz May star as Vallon in a local staging of “Gangs of New York” in Boston. The greasy hair and scruffy beard has Buchholz currently at the top of the list to play Amsterdam.
Mike Napoli as Old Dostoevsky
Mike Napoli’s lengthy beard makes him a prime candidate to play the great Russian writer Feodor Dostoevsky in a feature film. The beard exudes struggle and loss, which is necessary for any Dostoevsky biopic. One can’t just grow a Dostoevskian beard, and capture the essence of the writer; the beard chooses the individual. Let’s all hope that Napoli considers the role, because his aggressive beard is prime for later-years Dostoevsky.
Dustin Pedroia as Young Dostoevsky
Dustin Pedroia is a natural fit for Young Dostoevsky. The beard is rich and effectively conveys the angst of so many young writers. Pedroia could even work on method acting with teammate Napoli. Casting agents may take issue with the lack of scraggleness in the beard (Pedroia takes care of it), however he can certainly let the facial hair go wild during the off-season before his big day at the audition.
Jared Saltamacchia as Ron Burgundy Jr.
The beard of Jared Saltamacchia is so out of control that casting agents apparently won’t even pick up the phone. Not everybody, however, as there has been talk that Saltamacchia may play Ron Burgundy Jr. in the upcoming “Anchorman 2” (future scene) or perhaps a depressed Burgundy stand-in. Sources have not confirmed or denied the story, but everyone knows that Saltamacchia has the perfect “I don’t care anymore” beard.
Johnny Gomes as Johnny Teller Jr.
One can’t look at Johnny Gomes and not think of “Sons of Anarchy.” The beard almost screams out the lyrics from the theme song (Ridin’ Through This World/All Alone), and Gomes could possibly be in discussions to appear on the FX hit, or even a feature film. Although the acting community isn’t keen on amateurs jumping into the spotlight, Gomes has one of those special beards that transcends all. He is a sure bet to play Jax Teller’s long-lost brother Johnny, who rides into Charming to ruin Jax’s life even more, and take control of SAMCRO. The world waits.
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