Fat Cat Therapy: Face Your Ailurophobia With Guided Imagery

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Ailurophobia is described by Merriam-Webster as an “abnormal fear of cats.” While cats can indeed be frightening with their quick movements, one must certainly know deep down that our feline friends do not wish any harm on us human beings. There are times in life when all one desire is a quick cat-nap, but when one wakes up there is a furry creature on the face looking at you with weird expressions. The feeling can be terrifying, and the faces of the cat can not only cause nightmares, but also a stressful day at the office.

The posture of cats is a common problem for humans, and one is not always certain what to expect from a tense, fearful or even terrified posture (thank you, Wikipedia). However, it is important to remember that cats are not like the creepy TV girl in “The Ring.” I have never heard of a cat that wishes to cause terror and haunt the dreams of humans.

Cats don’t pose any danger to us – even the biggest ones. Here are ten of the fattest cats that I could find for those stricken with ailurophobia to look in the eyes, and attempt to overcome their feline fear.

Note: My descriptions are not factual, but intended to calm the mind.

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This is Marge. She walks slowly around the house after a big meal, and looks for a place to crash. Due to the size of Marge, she is not interested in flying across the room when surprised. Instead, Marge will most likely remain on the couch and stare at you with non-threatening eyes. Say Marge three times. Look at Marge’s face. Calm. Naps. Good thoughts. Marge.

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Meet Frank. This cat loves baseball, and is especially excited during October. How excited can a cat get? Not enough to frighten you or cause nightmares. That’s right, cats love sports as much as we do, and they will sit next to you calm and relaxed while you go nuts. Think about that. Frank. Sports. Calm. Frank = sports. Don’t hate cats. Frank. Sports = good. Frank.

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Pedro. This cat is as non-threating as they come, and is always available to enjoy the latest DVD with you. Pedro likes a good comedy, and can only improve your quality of life. One can literally spends hours a day watching films, and guess who else is interested? You know who. Pedro. Comedy. Laughs. Movies. Fun. Pedro. Cats. Pedro.

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Heya, Helen. You’ve had a long day of work, and take a long hot shower to relieve yourself not only of the incredible amount of germs, but also stress. Guess who is in the living room waiting for you? It’s Helen. Cats can provide humor by the awkward way in which they choose to sleep. They don’t deserved to be laughed at, but one should know they are there waiting for someone to hang out with. Helen. Relaxation. Stress gone. Cats. Calm. Enya. Helen. Calm.

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Sheila is the name, and she is the family friend. This cat brings excitement into the lives of your family and loved ones, and will inspire with a facial expression that contemplates the bigger picture in life. Why focus on the negative? Sheila makes every family meeting tons of fun, even when people are screaming at each other and arguing. Sheila. Wonder. Universe. Peaceful. Cats. Reflection. Sheila.

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It’s a Jacques world, and we are all living in it. This cat isn’t going to frighten you with by bouncing off the walls, or even a nasty claw to the face. Jacques is intrigued by matters of the world, and where we all fit. The next time you are having a lengthy discussion after dinner at a friend’s, remember there is someone else interested in your opinion and what you have to say. Jacques won’t tell you that you are stupid, or that maybe you shouldn’t  talk at all, but rather will respect your words and sit in your lap. Jacques. Good. Cats. Safe. Jacques.

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Ringo. This cat is a ray of sunshine, and spends most of the day like this. Ringo loves the Beatles, and will remain in this position if you play the records backwards. Ringo = good thoughts. Ognir. Happy. Ringo. Sun. Nus. Ringo.

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This cat requests to be called NightHawk, and is the protector of your darkest cat dreams. NightHawk is your friend, and roams around with the sole purpose of looking after you. NightHawk. Good. Let this cat take your bad thoughts away. No fear. NightHawk. Happy dreams. NightHawk. Friend.

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Feodor represents a happy reading experience. There is no need to be nervous or angry while trying to read when a cat is around. They can appear suddenly with quick jump, and affect your bladder, and sometimes claw you, or even just the way they look is disturbing…BUT…cats don’t seek to harm you. Enjoy your reading experience. Think of Feodor the reading cat. He is interested in study and academics, not clawing your face with vicious cuts. Feodor. Quiet. Reading.

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This is the end of your guided imagery. When you wake you will have shed all fear, just like a cat will sheds hair onto your work clothes. The cat is your friend, and will not attack, except if you act really stupid. Respect the cat, and the cat will recognize you as a friend. NightHawk. Protector. Dreams. Happy. Remember. Cats need guided imagery too.

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