The gym experience has different meanings for all of us. One may believe the general idea is to improve the quality of one’s health, however some brave souls have a need to fulfill, and that need is to perform. Others will inadvertently destroy a strong treadmill vibe, and a small few will seek eye contact through various tactics. These are ten classic characters of the gym.
The Flash is all about the work out. When one is on the treadmill they may catch a glimpse of Flash via peripheral vision, and will be amazed by the intensity and body movements displayed by this person. The arms and legs of Flash move like propellers and one eagerly waits in suspense for a potential liftoff. Flash attacks the gym with confidence, and moves from station to station with cat-like speed and reflexes. You never see the transitions, however, and question whether Flash is indeed human.
Don’t get caught without your headphones because The Chatmaster is looking for you. Chatmaster can catch you at any time, and one must keep their eyes open and be prepared for awkward conversation. Chatmaster is available to talk about anything and patiently waits for eye contact. One may believe that headphones will keep Chatmaster away, but this individual will continue to jabber and look repeatedly at you while thinking of ways to get your attention. Strong peripheral vision is key to effectively managing Chatmaster.
The Concerned Television Viewer
Everyone loves to focus on a television while at the gym, and there is always one individual who will stand in front of you with a concerned look on their face. This is The Concerned Television Viewer. The content being watched by CTV is irrelevant, and one will recognize that CTV doesn’t only have one think session before the monitor – no, CTV leaves and comes back for additional think sessions.
The Treadmill Torturer
If you are like me, the treadmill is the key component of the gym experience, and one can spend countless hours on this machine. When I am running at a 6.5, and have extreme Spotify focus, I do not want anyone messing with my treadmill game. This is when TTT appears. The Treadmill Torturer lurks and will tap you on the shoulder while you are running, or stand in front of you in an attempt to get your attention. Headphones are key when trying to avoid TTT, whom fails to understand that people generally want to be left alone when running. TTT is extremely aggressive.
The Chest can be either a woman or man, and walks with supreme confidence led by their glorious chest. The posture of Chest inspires a feeling of awe, and a kind facial expression will always takes a back seat to the chesty energy of Chest. This individual is also known as Chesty McChesterson.
The Elderly Giant
TEG has a solid bike routine and chats with others that are 15 feet away. TEG has a loud, booming voice and doesn’t treadmill torture any fellow gym rats. One may experience a look of scorn from TEG, but that’s just the way TEG looks.
The gym is an event for a special group of people. They don’t just put on the sweats, work out and call it a day – no, the gym is a stage and one must put on a show. Entertainer is dressed for the occasion, and it is not always apparent that Entertainer is doing anything. This individual moves around and has people to see. One may mistake Entertainer for an employee, however the outfit quickly answers your question. Entertainer is an excellent listener, and expresses the appropriate facial expressions to let you know that your words are not lost.
Rockstar can certainly be a woman, but is typically a middle-aged, overweight white man. Rockstar is enthused by the gym experience, and listens to music that can match their own intensity. One will glance over and see Rockstar laughing, playing the air drums and talking out loud during an enjoyable musical experience. Example: Tom Morello finishes an awesome solo and Rock Star will say “Whattt?!” while looking around. One won’t know the music Rockstar is listening to (unless very close), but one will certainly recognize a supreme enthusiasm for the gym and the wild nature of Rockstar.
The Voice of Pain
The Voice of Pain will linger in your mind long after the gym experience is over. VOP works out with such vigor that cries from their soul will fill the room and frighten the common gym rat. One will watch from afar and feel concerned for VOP but understands that VOP lives for the pain and has it under control. VOP is a gym favorite because of a commitment to hard work and VOP will also respect the space of others. When one converses with VOP the feeling of pure stamina is exuded.
The Silent Nodder
TSN is you, me and everybody we know. The gym is a friendly place and one must show the proper respect to fellow work out weirdos. The characteristic we all share is the silent nod, and this action unites us all, if only briefly.
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