In the olden days of professional wrestling (i.e., before 1993-ish), there were two types of women: female wrestlers and valets.
The lady wrestlers were, in general, old, mean and kinda ugly. The valets were pretty, but they didn’t do much aside from look nice and distract referees so their men could cheat.
Then, in the mid-1990s, something changed for the better. Hot women started wrestling. Some of them did it quite well, while the others were still fun to watch as they flailed about and squealed.
Leading this charge were a dozen or so buxom bombshells who laced up the boots, taped their spherical boobs into skimpy spandex corsets and got physical.
Here’s a look back at some of the best, and what they’ve been up to since leaving the ring.
Years in WWE: 2001 – 2006
- Joined WWE as a member of The Alliance — a faction of baddies who had previously been employed by rival promotion WCW (she was one of the dancing Nitro Girls)
- Fueled lust among fans with her Bra-and-Panties matches, and bloodlust among the same fans when she got powerbombed through a wooden table
- Managed the late wrestler Test, and dubbed his fans “Testicles,” ’cause she’s classy
- Flirted with Randy Orton, than suffered his patented “RKO” finishing move
- Became Super Stacy alongside comic book-inspired characters The Hurricane and Rosey (also known as Super Hero in Training, or S.H.I.T.)
Hotness Factor: 11 out of 10. Possibly the most incredible legs on earth.
Wrestling Ability: Meh. Did we mention her legs?
Where is She Now? After rising to fame in WWE, Kiebler went on to make a stir on Dancing with the Stars, followed by a string of other TV appearances. She has been dating George Clooney since 2009, which is yet another reason for all men to resent George Clooney.
Years in WWE: 1995-1998
- Was the “Most Downloaded Woman on AOL” (remember AOL?) in 1996
- Managed the BodyDonnas, Zip and Skip, the latter of whom was her then-boyfriend Chris Candido (now deceased)
- Rumored to have bonked Bret “The Hitman” Hart (while dating Shawn Michaels), as well as other backstage trysts
- Managed Legion of Doom 2000, and was the only member of the trio to look good in the revamped outfits
Hotness Factor: In her prime, 10. Since then… pick a number between 2 and 7, depending on the day
Wrestling Ability: Irrelevant
Where is She Now? Eesh, that’s a loaded question. She might be in jail, since she spends quite a lot of time there. She was arrested five times over a four-week span in 2012, mostly for domestic squabbles. She has promised on many occasions to get cleaned up and give the world one more taste of Sunny, but she seems to have some serious baggage.
Years in WWE: 1997 – 2001
- Aligned herself with Triple H, who would become her real-life boyfriend until he wooed and married Stephanie McMahon, heiress to the WWE throne
- Became the first-ever female WWE Intercontinental Champion, defeating Chris Jericho
- Became a member of D-Generation X (essentially grown men behaving like teenage douchebags while Chyna stood menacingly nearby)
- Paired up with the late, great Eddie Guerrero, who referred to her as his Mamacita
Hotness Factor: 2 at first; 4 after plastic surgery; 9 if you like deep-voiced women who could pummel you with their protruding Adam’s apples.
Wrestling Ability: Lots of power, not much finesse, but with ever-present possibility of a nipple-slip.
Where is She Now? Japan, apparently. After plenty of D-list embarrassments, she has reportedly moved to Japan to teach English. This comes after years of drug abuse (chronicled dutifully by TMZ and on Celebrity Rehab), and a pornography career that saw her film a pair of hardcore flicks for Vivid Entertainment, including Queen of the Ring and Backdoor to Chyna. They’re gross.
Years in WWE: 1996 -1999
- Debuted as the valet/wife of the highly controlling and jealous Marc Mero (who, despite what many wrestling fans had presumed based on his previous portrayal of the flamboyant Johnny B. Badd, was straight)
- Won the WWF Women’s Championship and powerbombed her own husband, driving the crowd bonkers
- Won a bikini contest by appearing with only a pair of handprints painted onto her ample boobs
- Appeared in Playboy, to the delight of millions. Her first Playboy spread led to the highest sales in the magazine’s history.
Hotness Factor: 8 at first, but that steadily diminished as she became more and more cougariffic.
Wrestling Ability: 5, but with a pretty great “Sable Bomb” finisher
Where is She Now? Sable, now known as Rena Lesnar, sued WWE for $110 million, citing unsafe working conditions and harassment. She later settled out of court for an undisclosed amount. It’s safe to assume that things are a little awkward now that her husband, Brock Lesnar, is a top WWE star again.
Years in WWE: 2000-2009
- First appeared as a “Ho” with a pimp character called The Godfather, who was always accompanied by a “Hoooo Train” of slutty women. Her parents must have been so proud
- Had a wicked finishing maneuver called The Widow’s Peak
- Won a hair-versus-hair match against Molly Holly, earning the privilege of shaving Molly’s head
- Performed some of the better women’s matches in WWE history, twice claiming the Women’s Championship
Hotness Factor: A bit of a two-face — gorgeous some moments, a tad scary looking other moments. Sumptuous body, though.
Wrestling Ability: 8
Where is She Now? Victoria (born Lisa Marie Varon) went on to wrestle for Total Non-Stop Action (TNA) Wrestling under the monicker Tara, and is still under contract with the company. She and her husband own and operate a pizza joint in Chicago called The Squared Circle. She previously ran a custom car shop, Black Widow Customs, which was destroyed in a suspicious fire in 2010.
Years in WWE: 2000 – 2005
- Got her head shaved by Victoria after losing a hair-versus-hair match, but still looked cute
- Appeared as a valet for William Regal named Lady Ophelia
- Promoted herself as a “pure and wholesome” woman, implying that all the other Divas were skanks
- Adopted the superheroine persona of Mighty Molly after teaming up with The Hurricane
- Held the Women’s Championship and the Hardcore Championship (winning the latter by whacking The Hurricane with a Frying Pan
Hotness Factor: 7, or 8 with the proper wig
Wrestling Ability: 8
Where is She Now? The woman formerly known as Molly Holly, Nora Greenwald, is reportedly a landlord with multiple real estate properties. In 2006, she traveled to Guatemala to perform missionary work and build infrastructure. A born-again Christian, she works with at-risk youth in a drug rehabilitation program in Minnesota. She is, by most accounts, the nicest person ever.
Years in WWE: 1999 – 2005
- Debuted as a”ho” accompanying The Godfather
- Won the WWE Women’s Championship twice
- Led the Right to Censor, a heel group intended to mock the critics who decried WWE’s programming as too offensive for TV
- Battled female wrestling legend the Fabulous Moolah in a match that is considered by many to be one of the worst ever
- Served as a likeable trainer on Tough Enough, a reality show in which athletic young hopefuls vied for a WWE contract, proving she really knew her stuff inside the ring
Hotness Factor: She has a certain Sarah Palin-esque beauty these days.
Wrestling Ability: 7
Where is She Now? Lisa Moretti has reportedly been working in the landscaping industry and volunteering with her local animal shelter. She lives in a custom-built house on a rugged island in Washington State. She has opened her own cat grooming facility and works closely with animals.
Years in WWE: 2001 – 2008
- Debuted in WWE as a member of the invading “Alliance,” but soon established herself as the latest floozy for Vince McMahon’s continued on-air infidelity
- Tagged with real-life boyfriend Billy Kidman
- Feuded with fellow diva Dawn Marie, who began dating Torrie’s father, Al Wilson, who “died” of a “heart attack” during some particularly rambunctious “sex” with Dawn Marie, adding much fuel to the rivalry
- Posed in Playboy, inspiring much wankery
- Won a “Playboy Pillow Fight” at WrestleMania 22, for what that’s worth
Hotness Factor: 9 most of the time, 10 when really angry
Wrestling Ability: 6
Where is She Now? Torrie went on to various magazine covers and music videos, and finished in second place (losing to Lou Diamond Phillips) on I’m a Celebrity…Get Me out of Here!. In September 2007, Wilson launched a clothing line called “Officially Jaded,” partnering with “Mitch” of the cheerleading WWE faction the Spirit Squad. She is now reportedly dating New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez.
Years in WWE: 1999-2006
- Debuted as manager to the ill-fated wrestler Essa Rios, but soon aligned herself with the Hardy Boyz, meshing with their punk-goth aesthetic
- Drove audiences nuts by stripping down to her underthings and getting involved in a Tables, Ladders & Chairs match
- Feuded with wrestling guru Dean Malenko, surely learning a lot in the process
- Was abducted an impregnated by Kane, only to miscarry after getting bumped by a muscular freak named Snitsky
- Engaged in a “hardcore sex” segment with Edge in the middle of the ring (keen eyed-fans caught a glimpse of her left boob slipping out from under the covers of the bed)
- Wrestled some pretty great matches against Trish Stratus, Mickie James and others
Hotness Factor: 10 if you like tattooed punk chicks, 9.9 if you don’t.
Wrestling Ability: 9.5 (a near-perfect score, but she loses a half-point for occasionally landing on her pretty face).
Where is She Now? Hearts were broken when Amy Dumas decided to give up wrestling, but fans were interested to see what she’d do next. She surprised many when she announced she’d be fronting a punk band called the Luchagors, which have attained only middling success. In 2003, she founded the animal charity Amy Dumas Operation Rescue and Education (A.D.O.R.E.). For the past six months or so, she has reportedly been dating on-again-off-again boyfriend CM Punk.
Years in WWE: 2006 – 2012
- Was one of the most powerful Divas in wrestling history, thanks to her powerlifting background and dominance on her high school wrestling team
- Eliminated the seven-foot-tall Great Khali from the Royal Rumble
- Teamed with comedic wrestler Santino Marella to form the unlikely duo Glamarella
- Formed the Divas of Doom with Natalya (daughter of Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart)
- Held the WWE Women’s Championship three times and the Diva’s Championship once
Hotness Factor: Do you like blondes who could snap your spine? If so, she’s an 11.
Wrestling Ability: 9
Where is She Now? It seems unlikely that we’ve seen the last of Beth Phoenix in WWE. But for now, she is reportedly dating fellow WWE retiree Adam “Edge” Copeland and creating artwork to sell of her Etsy page.
Years in WWE: 2000 – 2006
- Was named WWE’s Diva of the Decade and, this past April, inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame
- Helped establish women as legitimate wrestlers, not just eye candy (but still eye candy)
- Held the WWE Women’s Championship on a record-setting seven occasions
- Was once forced by Vince McMahon to bark like a dog while walking on all fours, thus setting feminism back 100 years
- Slapped Vince McMahon in the face really hard, perhaps bringing feminism back into the current century
Hotness Factor: 9
Wrestling Ability: 10 (as female wrestlers go, she was probably the best ever)
Where is She Now? After retiring from the ring, Trish went on to open her own yoga studio, Stratusphere, in her native Toronto. She also hosted a travel TV show of the same name, which saw her venture to exotic places around the world and look gorgeous in them. She appeared in an awful movie called Bail Enforcers, which was released on DVD under the title Bounty Hunters, which was no less awful. At the WWE Hall of Fame ceremony in April, she announced she was pregnant, which made millions of men resent her husband for having the privilege of knocking up Trish Stratus.