The ESPY Awards are stupid. It’s bad enough when Hollywood actors and musicians congratulate themselves for their successes on national television for all us regular folk to see, but it’s downright ridiculous when ESPN gathers a bunch of elite athletes in one room and gives them Oscar-style awards for things they did that already won them other, more meaningful awards (like Super Bowl rings and MVP trophies).
But the ESPYs monologue is still cool, sometimes. It was great back in 1998, when Norm MacDonald hosted. And it was great again last night, with Mad Men’s Jon Hamm dropping joke bombs on the various athletes who dared to show up (and one, whose name rhymes with Bwight Boward, who was conspicuously absent).
Hamm doesn’t get to show off his comedic chops nearly enough on AMC, but he has impeccable timing. He also had great writing last night, so most of his gags went over very well.
Here’s the video of his performance. Some of the best lines are below:
“This is the 20th anniversary of the ESPYs. That means that when the very first ESPYs aired, Ray Allen was only 35 years old. You still look good.”
“Not only that, but Metta World Peace is leaving L.A., going to New York. I’m a little surprised at that. I thought if Metta went anywhere, it would be right back to his home planet.”
“Congratulations to the NBA champion Miami Heat. The Heat won their second championship in a row this year, thanks in large part to their coach, Bruno Mars.”
“It’s not all bad for the Spurs, though. Manu Ginobili is going to take some time off and do some traveling. I’m not sure if he’ll get called for it, but he’s going to do it anyway.”