5 Excellent Examples of Patriotic Body Hair (PHOTOS)

Happy Fourth of July! If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re drunk already, so I’ll keep the words part of this post short and sweet.

Let’s count down the five best (read: only ones I could find on the Internet) examples of guys who showed their love for country by taking a razor to their furry chests. You with me?

LEGGO!

5.

Photo via watchuseek.com

Photo via watchuseek.com

It’s one thing to flaunt your carefully sculpted body hair outdoors at a barbecue or a car race, but to do it on a bus (or maybe a train) at night, while staring creepily into the camera? Kinda weird. But still better than you or I could do.

4.

Photo via accessatlanta.com

Photo via accessatlanta.com

Beards aren’t really body hair, I know, but this dude’s whiskers are just too awesome not to include on this list.

3.

Photo via kgsartwear.com

Photo via kgsartwear.com

I can’t decide whether to award or dock points for the blow-up whale. We’ll go with neither, which places this guy right in the middle of our countdown.

2.

Photo via Reddit

Photo via Reddit

Even with a canvas this large, this dude was only about to get the first two letters of U.S.A. carved into his chest. That’s kind of disappointing. And he isn’t quite hairy enough to trust that the U and S will be visible without the help of a dark outline. Double disappointing. Still, he really pulls together the rest of the outfit in a way no one else on this list does. And I love his enthusiasm. It’s a low bar to clear, so he’s our runner-up.

1.

Photo via Reddit

Photo via Reddit

Photo via epicfail.com

Photo via epicfail.com

We have a winner! There’s nothing too creative about the execution here, but it ticks all the boxes. Flag, full USA and beer in hand and NASCAR hat on head. Bonus points for the exceptionally pasty white skin. It just doesn’t get better than this.

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