Charles Darwin didn’t write about the role fireworks play in weeding out the less fit members of the human species, but if he’d lived long enough to attend a few modern Fourth of July parties, he probably would have. It’s actually kind of crazy so many of us have so few qualms about allowing inebriated dads to set off what are essentially miniature bombs and rockets around small children. Maybe it’s because we love to watch the many, many videos of when fireworks go so, so wrong.
Warning: Many of these videos contain copious NSFW language. Also, one kind of shows you a butthole.
10. “That’s not stupid”
Those are perhaps the least accurate three words uttered since the dawn of language.
9. Gives new meaning to the term “fire crotch”
The slow-motion screaming really takes this video to the next level.
8. “Grandpa, we’re makin’ it happen out here”
Yes. Yes you are. We might not agree on what it is, but you’re certainly making it.
7. Burning down the farm
It really never occurred to you that lighting a firework in a field of dry grass was a bad idea? Really?
6. That escalated quickly
Step 1: Light the firework; Step 2: There’s no time for step two. The firework has already exploded in your face.
5. Is that a rocket in your pocket?
Skip ahead to about the 0:50 mark (past all the boring bike riding) to see a dude who really, really regrets the decision he just made.
4. “[Unintelligible Czech]“
Okay, so I’m cheating a bit by including this video in this list. It isn’t a Fourth of July fireworks fail because it happened in Prague (where they have the fourth of July, but not the Fourth of July). Still, when fireworks explode in a crowd of people in a major world city and someone captures the scene on video this clearly, it has to warrant at least an honorable mention.
3. “Pull your sack up so it sticks out”
No fireworks fails compilation would be complete without at least one firecracker wedged partially inside an anus.
2. “This is insane”
It was only a year ago that one of the greatest moments in fireworks history occurred. In front of half a million people, at an event aptly called the Big Bay Boom, City of San Diego officials accidentally blew their wad in the most thrilling way possible. Over 7,000 fireworks, which were intended to create a 17-minute show, all ignited at once. The result was fifteen seconds of pure chaos — and one memorable (and loud) video:
1. “Them motherf*cking bootleg fireworks sh*t”
The subtitled version of this video is the holy grail of fireworks fail videos — and quite possibly of YouTube videos in general. There are too many great moments to name them all: money unda mout runnin’, reekris, naw daw, dat waz awesome, etc. Ultimately, all you need to know is this: it goin’ down.