10 Increasingly ‘Murica Things (PHOTOS)

We’re just around the corner from the Fourth of July, a day to celebrate all things ‘Murica. So, let’s prematurely start the party with a list of the most ‘Murica things in the great nation of ‘Murica. Each item on the list will be a little more ‘Murica than the last, building to what I can only assume will be a photo of an orgy of bald eagles, gunpowder and bacon.

You with me? You better be, because love it or leave it, a**hole! Let’s go!

10. Patriotic jeans

Let’s kick this list off in style! Blue jeans by themselves are dripping with sweet, sweet ‘Murica juice. When you plaster them with the stars and stripes and stick a big ol’ ass in ‘em, baby, you got a patriotic stew going.

Photo via eonline.com

Photo via eonline.com

 9. Patriotic jorts

All the advantages of the jeans, but cut off above the knee in order to maximize freedom.

Photo via craftgeekjj.blogspot.com

Photo via craftgeekjj.blogspot.com

8. This figurine

No description could ever do the beauty of this figurine justice. It has it all. Better move on before I start weeping tears of red, white and blue.

Photo via preloadedstores.com

Photo via preloadedstores.com

7. This truck

Someone please tell me when you hit the horn in this bad boy, it makes the sound of a bald eagle screeching. It has to! The only thing I’d change about this masterpiece is to tone down the window tint just a little — how else will other drivers be able to see you flip them the bird?

Photo via hahanice.com

Photo via hahanice.com

6. This steak

Look at that marbling down in Texas. And Utah is pretty much pure fat flavor. Delicious!

Photo via totalfratmove.com

Photo via totalfratmove.com

5. Presidential chest bumps

Mission accomplished, baby. Nothin’ more manly than two men touching nipples.

Photo via totalfratmove.com

Photo via totalfratmove.com

4. Ron Swanson

Parks and Recreation’s ultra-conservative carnivore is the truest American you’ll ever see, fictional or otherwise. Heck, even the actor who plays Swanson, Nick Offerman, is 50 times more ‘Murica than you or I could ever hope to be. He even made his own list of the most ‘Murica things.

Photo credit: GQ

Photo credit: GQ

3. Monster trucks selling chocolate-covered bacon

‘Nuff said.

Photo via coed.com

Photo via coed.com

2. Patriotic bikinis

Wait… how is this not number one on our list? What could possibly be more ‘Murica than two hot, blonde chicks with huge boobs (purchased in ‘Murica, ideally) cavorting in skimpy stars-and-stripes bikinis?

Photo via faceplantreview.wordpress.com

Photo via faceplantreview.wordpress.com

1. This person

Oh, right.

Photo via letterstotwilight.com

Photo via letterstotwilight.com

Bonus: The least ‘Murica things ever

Not everything that’s synonymous with the good ol’ U.S. of A. is actually American, as this classic YouTube comment thread (wait… YouTube comments that aren’t the worst thing ever?!) notes:

Photo via YouTube

Photo via YouTube

Leave a Reply



Comments are closed.