I’d never argue that dudes with long beards are discriminated against — that would be insulting to all those in our society who face legitimate struggles because of their physiology — but it can be an uphill battle convincing your girlfriend and parents that the long, disgusting hairs hanging off your face are actually cool and not just a sign that you’ve given up on life. Dudes have to fight for their right to beard.
An ad agency in Kentucky called Cornett Integrated Marketing Solutions might have just made taking a year-long break from shaving a lot easier to justify, to the delight of bearded dudes everywhere. Well, the poor ones, at least.
The idea is called “beardvertising” and it’s got a whole website that explains what it is, Beardvertising.com. The gist is this: dudes with “epic” beards that get stared at all day long can sign up and sell advertising space in their facial hair. All you have to do is clip a small “BeardBoard” into your whiskers and you get paid the princely sum of $5 a day.
“Turn your beard into a business,” the site says. “Just like ‘Duck Dynasty’.”
As you may have gleaned, the whole thing is pretty damn tongue-in-cheek. Then again, the sign-up form on the site does appear to work. Allegedly, fast food chain A&W is paying real cash to get a BeardBoard featuring its new Polar Swirls ice cream blends into dudes’ beards.
So, are any bearded dudes interested? The crumbs hanging from your facehairs right now aren’t paying rent. Why not kick them out and move in a tenant that will earn you a cool fiver every day?