‘Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles’ Delivers Plenty of Turtle Dick (VIDEO)

Some facts about turtles for you on this lovely May afternoon (May the First be with you, BTW… is that how that whole thing goes? No? Well then screw it):

  • Turtles don’t have ears
  • Turtles don’t have vocal chords, either
  • Turtles carry salmonella, the bacteria best known for living on raw chicken and eggs and giving people food poisoning
  • Turtles can live to be 200
  • Turtle penises can be half as long as a turtle’s entire body length

Photo via YouTube

All of these facts and more can be found in the lyrics of the awesome “Scientifically Accurate Ninja Turtles” just released by the people over at Animation Domination High Def, FOX’s attempt to take on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim block of late-night animated programming for stoners. The whole thing is a parody of the theme song from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon from the late-1980s, which holds up surprisingly well to this day (though it’s still somewhat unclear what “doing machines” means).

ADHD (get it?) is scheduled to premiere on FOX in July, but the programming block already has a YouTube channel and there are some decently funny animated shorts up there — many of which are completely reliant on nostalgia in order to have any comedic value, which isn’t a great indication of the future prospects for ADHD. If turtle dicks didn’t do it for you, maybe you’ll get a chuckle or two out of Basketball Cats:

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