5 Ways to Commemorate National Masturbation Month

You’ve probably heard by now that May is National Masturbation Month (also known to most warm-blooded males as “January through December”).

The auto-erotic fun kicked off in Philadelphia today with a Masturbate-a-Thon, in which participants raise money for sex education charities by logging the number of hours they spend enjoying their own company.

Unlike most charity fundraisers — walk-a-thons, bake sales, Movember — a month of noble wankery sounds like a blast.

To help you on your own charitable pursuit (participants are altruistic, of course, and not just pleasure-seeking hedonists), here are a few suggestions on how you can pull your weight.

1. Choke the Chicken

national masturbation month

Photo via answerbag.com

2. Raise the Flagpole

masturbation month

Photo via thisoldhouse.com

3. Strangle the Bishop

masturbation month

Photo via myspace.com

4. Play a Little Five-on-One

Masturbation slang

Photo via dailymail.co.uk

5. Make the Bald Man Cry

make the bald man cry

Photo via sodahead.com

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