12 Awesome Breakfast Cereals They Should Bring Back

One of the great pleasures of childhood was ambling down the supermarket cereal aisle and surveying the multitude of colorful, sugary options.

Of course, the pesky “childhood obesity epidemic” has sucked most of the fun out of the cereal aisle, replacing most mashmallowy diabetes delivery systems with healthier alternatives.

For those nostalgic for the golden age of breakfast cereals, we present 10 classics that deserve a revival (but should perhaps come with a Surgeon General’s warning on the box).

10. C3POs

Introduced: 1984

Gimmick: “A spectacular cereal from the outermost limits of the galaxy. It’s new C-3POs. Double Crunch. This unique, double-O shape gives you 2 crunches in every bite — a unique experience in all the galaxy.”

Tasted like: The honey-sweetened figure-eights tasted like Alpha-Bits cereal, but crunchier and less educational.

9. Boo Berry

Introduced: 1972 (and still available in a few markets, but not nearly enough of them)

Gimmick: Ghosts are blue. Blueberries are too. Bingo.

Tasted like: Sugar, blueberries, ghosts.

8. Ghostbusters

Introduced: Presumably right after the Ghostbusters movie became a huge hit — late 1984-ish.

Gimmick: Marshmallow ghosts, flavored oats. Unlicensed nuclear accelerator backpack not included.

Tasted like: Slimer.

 7. Urkel-Os

Introduced: 1991

Gimmick: Capitalized on the fleeting pop-culture phenomenon of Steve Urkel, the nerdy neighbor from Family Matters. Otherwise known as the darkest moment in our nation’s history.

Tasted like: Strawberry. Banana. Capitalism. Sadness.

6. WWF Superstars

Introduced: 1991

Gimmick: The unnatural orange color of Hulk Hogan’s preposterous tan, these star-shaped clusters of crud would guarantee your physique would be more like King Kong Bundy’s than the Hulkster’s.

Tasted like: The box said it was “sweet, but no pushover” and had a “hint of vanilla.” May contain steroids.

 

5. Donkey Kong Junior

Introduced:  1983

Gimmick: “It’s wild with fruit flavors!”  But not real fruit.

Tasted like: Much better than Donkey Kong Sr. cereal, which tasted like barrels and the sweat of Italian plumbers.

4. Mr. T Cereal

Introduced: 1984

Gimmick: By eating Mr. T cereal you joined a team — the “team that knows how cool breakfast can be!”

Tasted like: Supposedly a lot like Cap’n Crunch, but we pity the fool who actually found out.

3. E.T. Cereal

Introduced: 1984

Gimmick: Who wouldn’t want to eat a cereal inspired by a brown, wrinkly alien who can barely survive on our planet?

Tasted like: Chocolate and peanut butter, but not the kind typically found on Earth.

 

2. Bill & Ted’s Excellent Cereal

Introduced: 1990

Gimmick: Before traveling through time in a magical phone booth, it pays to have a nutritious breakfast. If a nutritious breakfast is unavailable, you could eat this cereal instead.

Tasted like: Heavy metals.

1. Nintendo Cereal System

Introduced: 1988 

Gimmick: A magazine ad, clearly translated from Japanese, read: “Nintendo is for breakfast now. Nintendo is two cereals in one. Wow! Super Mario Bros. and Zelda too. Mix ‘em, match ‘em, crunch ‘em, you just can’t loose.”

Tasted like: Marshmallows. Goobas. Bricks. Plumbers. Tooth decay.

 

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