Everything is better wrapped in bacon, right?
Taking that universal truism (excluding vegetarians and several major religions) to its logical extreme, J & D Foods of Seattle has launched a new line of rubbers that “make your meat look like meat.”
If you’re thinking that it’s just a silly April Fools’ Day gag, you’re partially correct. The company first proposed a bacon-flavored lubricant — sensibly called Baconlube — as a joke in April of 2009.
But it turned out that there was a real demand for their fictional product, so they started making it and selling it for 12 bucks a bottle.
Capitalizing on the success of Baconlube, the company has now created Bacon Condoms, which give your manly sausage the appearance of a glistening strip of salty, fatty, fresh-from-the-frying-pan bacon.
The big question, of course, is how they taste. The answer: like crap, probably.
They only look like bacon, and only get their breakfasty flavor when combined with Baconlube. Without the lube, a Bacon Condom is liable to leave the taste of latex lingering on your lover’s lips.
We don’t recommended actually wrapping your man-meat in real bacon as an alternative, though. But if you must, allow it to cool on paper towel for at least a few minutes first.