The ongoing adventures of “Florida Man” now include swashbuckling, apparently.
A few weeks ago, we told you about Florida Man — the collective name applied to all stupid male criminals in Florida, where stupid male criminals seem to have assembled en masse — and his series of ever-more-bizarre crimes.
Florida Man Arrested For Hitting Friend In The Face With A Chainsaw | winknews.com/Local-Florida/…
— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) March 18, 2013
Florida Man Found Sleeping At Walmart, Charged With Possession Of Counterfeit Money And Meth | buff.ly/15X05qj
— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) March 19, 2013
Well Florida Man has quite possibly topped himself this time. This particular Florida Man — William Voswinkel, whose crappy necklace and skeezy mustache immediately imply guilt — allegedly slashed his brother with a sword over synthetic marijuana.
Behold, today’s incarnation of Florida Man:
So he’s not exactly Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp, but apparently he can parry and thrust like a true swordsman.
His brother, attempting to defend himself from the attack, got his hand sliced up pretty badly.
But the details are sketchy. Like true Florida Men, the brothers reportedly gave inconsistent and unreliable accounts to the cops, implying that one or both were lying about what actually happened.
The fate of the contentious synthetic weed is unknown. But based upon the typical intelligence level of Florida Man, we’re guessing it was oregano.