Washington, PA councilman Matt Staniszewski is not a smart man.
Trying to test his city’s new transit alert system — the kind of thing that would be used to tell people about a tree that fell down on a major street, or something like that — Staniszewski sent the following alert:
Alert: This is a test. Bryan is gay.
Hilarious, right? Maybe if you’re in the sixth grade.
Staniszewski didn’t realize that the system was live and the alert would be sent out to everyone who had signed up for the service, which was a lot of people. A lot of soon-to-be-offended people.
When the mayor called out Staniszewski for his extremely unprofessional actions, he apologized — as any decent human being would.
Wait, nope. He didn’t apologize.
Instead, he dug himself into a crazy deep hole, using what could be the dumbest line of defense in the history of politics: he claimed he meant the “happy” kind of gay. He even released an official statement in which he feigned outrage at the mayor for assuming he meant gay in a derogatory way and attempted to deflect blame on everyone in the city except himself:
“It’s offensive and unprofessional for the mayor to automatically assume one definition of the word when there are multiple definitions,” he said. “Coming from the city of Washington, it does not look good for us.”
Sure, buddy. Sure.
As you’d expect, no one in the world has bought Staniszewski’s pathetic explanation. On last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live, there was a very good bit about this whole thing. You might say that watching it made me very gay — and it could make you gay, too.