We’re gonna open a can of worms today, fellas. We’re gonna attempt to answer a question that has ruined more than a few (million) relationships over the years: is it really possible to keep your girl friends when you have a girlfriend?
Conventional wisdom says the answer is no, but who’s interested in such wisdom when it results in losing friends? Bottom line: you want to keep your girl friends, while developing a relationship with your girlfriend. It has to be possible. So, how are you gonna do it?
Only date ladies who like other ladies
The key word here is ladies. Do you want to save yourself from headaches and heartbreak down the line — and keep all of your girl friends while having a steady girlfriend? Then don’t date girls. This has nothing to do with age; it has to do with mindset. Choose your girlfriend wisely. If you’re interested in a girl who doesn’t have any female friends of her own, the red flag is waving! Walk away. Oh, I hear ya. “She can just be friends with my girl friends.” Sorry, pal, you’re living in a fantasy. It doesn’t matter if the girl is en fuego. There are just some women who don’t like other women. We’ll leave that to the psychologists.
Be honest with yourself
Do you really think you’re capable of having a girlfriend, while keeping your female friends? This is a simple yes or no question, but be honest with yourself. Do some of your girl friends double as girl friends-with-benefits? If this is an issue, you have to cut ties with those “friends.” And if you’re thinking to yourself, “I’ve known her my entire life,” then you shouldn’t have been messing around with her in the first place. Or maybe she’s the one for you — your soul mate — and it’ll all come full circle like a romantic comedy. Which happens… never.
Be honest with your girlfriend
If you have several female friends who you consider to be good friends, put this information out there early in your dating relationship. Spend time at social functions in groups, so your girlfriend can get to know all of your friends, both guys and gals, and they can get to know her. Best case scenario, she strikes an immediate rapport with one of your female friends, and likes you even more because of it. Worst case, she gets jealous and insecure — at least you’ll know what/who you’re dealing with. Offer information about these friends in casual conversation, so your significant other understands that she is significant. Ideally, you want your girl to love your friends, and your friends to love your girl. The only way that can happen is to introduce them. If your girlfriend is complimentary of your female friends? Congrats. You found a keeper!
Whatever you do…
Don’t hide your friendships with other women from your girlfriend. If you’re worried she’ll be jealous, and overreact, you’re giving her every reason to be suspicious if you’re not up front and honest. When you’re open, honest and communicative about all of your friends, you’ll be able to better assess your girlfriend’s feelings about them. Ultimately, you have to ask yourself how you’d feel if the situation were reversed. Would you be cool if your lady had guy friends and never told you about them?