It’s the NFL off-season, which means that it’s high tide for players getting into trouble. In the weeks after the Super Bowl and before “voluntary” team mini-camps begin, NFL players are left to their own devices and many of them enjoy partying as hard as they can during this period. The season is grueling, so they need to let off a little steam. Or a lot of steam.
It sounds like that’s what Oakland Raiders defensive tackle Desmond Bryant (not to be confused with Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Dez Bryant) was trying to do over the weekend. He was arrested and charged with criminal mischief after he allegedly showed up drunk as hell at his neighbor’s house and caused a scene.
It’s certainly not the worst thing that an NFL player — or any young man, in general — has ever done. What makes this story remarkable is how Bryant looked immediately after doing it. Back at the police station, he posed for what just might be the least flattering mugshot of all time.
Take a look:
Whoa. There’s a lot to digest there. Most obvious are the dead eyes and gaping mouth, with tongue exposed. Once you get past those elements, you start to get to the more interesting stuff. Why is Bryant not wearing a shirt? Is he trying to create the world’s grossest double chin?
Also, he knows that he has a massive neckbeard, right? Come to think of it, that part kind of makes sense: Bryant played his college football at Harvard.
Astute mugshot fans will note that Bryant isn’t the first Raiders defender to turn in a photo for the ages after being arrested. Back in late 2011, Raiders linebacker Rolando McClain posed for this classic: