Valentine’s Day is tomorrow, guys.
As in the day after today.
If you’re like me, you haven’t done a single thing in preparation for the big day. Luckily for me — and, more importantly, for you — I get paid to research and write articles like this one. I’ve got us all covered.
It’s not too late to save Valentine’s Day. In fact, you can actually still make it a pretty memorable one. Maybe not the most memorable one, but one that you won’t regret. And really, isn’t that what we’re all truly striving for?
Just follow these six simple steps and you’ll be fine.
1. Get off your ass
You can’t procrastinate any longer or you literally will have missed Valentine’s Day and really pissed off your significant other. It’s not too late to save it, but it will be if you don’t actually stand up and get moving very soon.
You can remain seated until you finish reading this article, but resist the urge to head over to Reddit after you’re done reading!
2. Forget going out for dinner
Unless you want to go to Applebee’s or some other crappy, unromantic restaurant, you need to abandon any dreams you have of going out to eat. You aren’t getting reservations at this point.
New plan: a romantic dinner that you cook.
3. Buy some groceries
You’re cooking dinner for your girlfriend or wife tomorrow, so you’ll need some food to cook. Allow me to refer you to our recent article called Easy and Impressive Meals You Can Make For Your Girlfriend This Valentine’s Day. The steak, asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes are really easy to make and will impress almost anyone. Just read through the article once today, bookmark it for when it’s time to start cooking tomorrow and then head out to the store to buy the ingredients you need.
If that sounds too tough, then I recommend going with a wine and cheese theme. Buy some gourmet cheeses and some nice crackers — not just Ritz. Maybe get some grapes, too.
Make sure to grab some dessert, as well. If you feel up to it, you can make the chocolate-dipped strawberries in the article we linked to above. If not, just buy some gourmet ice cream or something.
4. Buy or make a card
I think we all know that greeting cards are the most B.S. consumer product ever, but there are times when you simply can’t get out of giving a card. If you refuse to pay $5 for something that gets used for all of 10 seconds, just make a card. Spend the 30 seconds it takes to make it actually look nice. Write something thoughtful inside.
Pro tip: If you can’t think of anything romantic to write inside the card you bought or made, steal what it says on another card and write it inside your card. She’ll think you’re a damn poet.
5. Set the table
A few minutes spent making your table look nice can make a normal meal become a romantic meal. I recommend going with a picnic theme — especially if you live in a colder part of the country, where the idea of a February picnic is cute and fun. All you really need is a checkered tablecloth (which can be purchased for dirt cheap at discount stores), some candles and maybe a basket with wine in it. Consider doing the whole thing on some pillows on the floor — especially if you have a fireplace you can sit next to.
6. Massage time
After you’ve given her the card and eaten dinner — and had a few glasses of wine — it’s time to put the final stage of the plan into action. You’re going to tell her the night is “all about you” and then you’re going to get your massage on. Tell her to get comfy on the couch or bed, put on some relaxing music (just search “massage music” on YouTube if all you have in your library is metal) and get out the massage oils — if you don’t have some, go pick some up at your local pharmacy when you go shopping for groceries.
Actually try to give a good massage. Don’t be a creep and go straight for the butt or boobs — in fact, avoid these areas altogether. Don’t just rub her back for 30 minutes, either. Be sure to include her feet and calves — two areas that often get ignored, but that carry a lot of muscle tension and can feel really good to have rubbed. Clean the oil off your hands and then run your hands through her hair for a while, too. Most women love this.
6. No pressure
For the grand finale, say that you just want to cuddle and fall asleep together. Don’t push sex on her. If she’s into it, then you can totally go for it. She might enjoy a night of no expectations, though — and she’ll probably more than make up for it in subsequent nights.
So, there you have it. A decent Valentine’s Day you can put together with almost no time to spare, without breaking the bank. Now you actually need to go and make it happen. By this time tomorrow, it might be too late.