Movie 43 sucks.
That seems to be the near-unanimous sentiment from movie critics, though none of them has said it quite so bluntly.
Instead, they have taken great joy in meticulously, eloquently and unmercifully tearing this cinematic monstrosity to shreds.
They seem to have found particular delight in panning Movie 43 because, in theory, it should be really good. It boasts perhaps the most star-studded cast of any Hollywood production over the past decade, which should equate to commercial and critical success.
It really, really sucks, and critics seem to be engaged in a game of one-upsmanship to see who can pan it the best.
These review snippets are clever, witty and entertaining in all the ways that Movie 43 is not:
10. “It’s a bad comedy without Eddie Murphy in a fatsuit. The flick makes “Gigli” look like “The Godfather.” With so many famous people in one movie, you might have thought, ‘Gee, how bad could it be?’ The answer: Very, very bad.” Robert Levin – A.M. New York.
9. “As a film critic, I’ve seen nearly 4,000 movies over the last fifteen years. Right now, I can’t think of one worse than Movie 43. Despite the filmmakers’ desperate attempts to scandalize us, the only real shock is that a movie this disastrous ever managed to get made.” Elizabeth Weitzman, New York Daily News
8. “Occasional moments suggest half an idea… or raise a semi-titter but are dragged down by simply insulting, hectoring nonsense like an Anna Faris coprophilia routine. Verdict: Just no.” — Kim Newman, Empire
7. “The line between gross-out humor that’s inspired and the kind that’s witless is fine indeed, and Movie 43 obliterates it with poop and movie stars.” — Ty Burr, Boston Globe
6. “How many directors does it take to screw in a star-studded piece of aggressive stupidity and call it a movie? An even dozen, and there is no punch line.” — Sheri Linden, Los Angeles Times
5. “This is nothing more than a chance to watch many of your favourite stars embarrassing themselves like 13-year-olds high on illicit booze.” — Graham Young, Birmingham Post
4. “If you mashed-up the worst parts of the infamous “Howard the Duck,” “Gigli,” “Ishtar” and every other awful movie I’ve seen since I started reviewing professionally in 1981, it wouldn’t begin to approach the sheer soul-sucking badness of the cringe-inducing Movie 43.” — Lou Lumenick, New York Post
3. “I was immediately overcome with a sudden rush of emotion: not amusement, anger or even mild irritation, but a profound and faintly tragic sense of pity.” Robbie Collin, The Telegraph
2. “(This) godawful exercise is so painfully unfunny, so screamingly bad that it immediately qualifies as one of the worst films of all time.” Frank Scheck, Hollywood Reporter
1. “There’s camp-fun bad and interestingly horrible bad, and then there’s just awful. Movie 43 is the Citizen Kane of awful. — Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times