Your Genitals Can Rest Safe Tonight: Serial Balls-Kicker Arrested In Florida

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Gentlemen, we can all breathe easier tonight. A lot easier.

A Florida woman accused of going on a genital-kicking rampage in public was divorced from her activities, arrested and charged earlier this week, The Miami Herald reports.

On Tuesday, police in Manatee County in southwest Florida responded to a call about a woman running around in the street and kicking random people in the genitals. Presumably, police spent a good 15 minutes rolling around on the floor in laughter and disbelief before getting inside their cruisers to respond to the emergency call.

When the first officer got to the scene, he spotted the woman and ordered her to immediately cease her ball-kicking. She attempted to flee the scene on foot, but was quickly chased down by the officer. She then turned and punched him in the face (hey, it’s a lot better than the genitals).

The officer then wrestled the woman to the ground and handcuffed her. She has been charged with battery on an officer and is currently being held on a $1,500 bond.

Um, where are the charges for all those poor victims who got kicked in the genitals while this monster went on a rampage in the street? We demand justice! Throw the book at her (genitals). Lock her up for life!

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