Get ready for a kettle-versus-pot bout of public name-calling between two of pop culture’s most despicable bad boys: Charlie Sheen and Lance Armstrong.
It can easily be argued that Armstrong deserves every bit of verbal lashing he receives in the media, given the the doping and lying and destructive, remorseless egoism with which he lived most of his adult life.
But of all the people in the world entitled to do some finger-wagging at the disgraced cyclist, Charlie Sheen ranks last, given the doping and lying and destructive, remorseless egoism with which he lived most of his adult life.
During a recent appearance on The Tonight Show, Sheen called Armstrong a “douche.” Charlie Sheen — whose instances of extreme douchiness are almost too numerous to count — called someone else a douche, apparently without a glimmer of ironic self-awareness.
Sheen is apparently upset because Lance Armstrong once snubbed him — or, probably more accurately, didn’t gush excitedly about having the opportunity to meet him.
This led Sheen to describe Armstrong on The Tonight Show as “Captain bitchin’,” which inexplicably drew big laughs from the studio audience. “Go get a paper route, dude,” he added, which drew even bigger laughs and applause.
“If he was a better guy in his life he’d be forgiven a lot faster,” opined Sheen.
After a brief pause — perhaps during which he finally reflected on his own lifetime of drug-addled, antisocial, irresponsible awfulness — Sheen added: “Kinda like me.”
Douches: takes one to know one.