Vegetarians, look away.
Everyone else, start your salivary glands (and possibly gag reflexes).
For more than two years and 130 episodes, the culinary madmen of Epic Meal Time have been creating ever-deadlier weapons of gastric destruction with bacon, sausage, bacon, candy, bacon, booze and bacon.
Their modus operandus is simple: take the Holy Trinity of food — fat, salt and sugar — and douse it in Jack Daniel’s, then eat.
They’re clearly doing something right. The Epic Meal Time Youtube Channel boasts 3.3 million subscribers and half-a-billion views. They’ve even launched a legitimate (sorta) cooking competition show called Epic Chef.
To give you a taste of just how preposterous things can get, here’s a retrospective look at the most epic (ranked by calories) edible abominations of Epic Meal Time.
5. The Boss Bacon Burger (Next level)
Grams of fat: 9,381
Epicness factor: Extreme shortness of breath
Recipe: More than 500 strips of bacon are employed to create this monstrosity burger, which is sandwiched between buns enhanced with bacon bits. The patty is stuffed with bacon strips, the cheese is infused with bacon bits, and the rest of the bacon becomes a heart-stopping topping glazed with Jack Daniel’s/root beer sauce.
4. The Sloppy Big Ben Roethlisberger (Breaking the 100,000 calorie barrier)
Grams of fat: 8,452
Epicness factor: Paramedics are standing by
Recipe: A “Super Bowl” burger made out of ground beef, bacon and sausage. That doesn’t sound too crazy, right? Well, it weighs 50 pounds.
3. Super Sloppy Sundae (What you know about love?)
Grams of fat: 10,080
Epicness factor: My Blubbery Valentine
Recipe: This sweet Valentine’s Day treat contains a literally heartbreaking concoction of 35 gallons of ice cream crammed with candy and topped with syrup, donuts , pastries and “gay bacon strips.”
2. Bacon Tree (Over two-thousand strips)
Grams of fat: 40,350
Epicness factor: Get the defibrillator
Recipe: A fa-la-la-la-lethal yuletide catastrophe of bacon, this Christmas Tree is decorated with bacon strips, strings of Chicken McNuggets, cheeseburgers and bottles of booze.
1. Turbaconepicentipede (802,420 calories)
Grams of fat: 68,920
Epicness factor: Apocalyptic
Recipe: Inspired by the horror flick The Human Centipede, this monstrosity is actually 10 TurBacon Epics fused together in a Frankenseinian feat. It’s the single most diabolical creation ever conceived by the Epic Mealtime mad scientists. Your lifespan will be shortened merely by watching the video.