Think building a snowman is child’s play?
You’ve got it all wrong. Think of snow as a malleable medium with which you can bring to life the most twisted denizens of your imagination. Not a talented sculptor? A little red food coloring can help with that.
Here are some creepy, clever, perverse and generally awesome frozen friezes to fuel your imagination.
20. Snowbacca the Wookie
It’s either a Wookie, a yeti or the last known photograph of Joaquin Phoenix.
19. Optimus Prime (Cloaking Shield On)
Seven people and one snowplow were tragically crushed immediately after this picture was taken.
18. Arterial Bleed Snowman
You’ve got red on you.
Or fellati-snow. Pick your pun.
16. Snow Kong
Took longer to make than Peter Jackson’s remake, but was much more enjoyable.
15. Snow Cock
That woman seems really happy to see such a large one.
14. Overcompensating for something
If you can’t afford a red convertible Corvette…
13. Snowbba the Hut
How do you think he knew how to freeze Han Solo?
12. Very-Cold-Blooded Creature
That’s not a tiny house. It’s just an ENORMOUS snow lizard. And mailbox.
Holding the shovel: Kenny Baker.
10. Cross the Streams!
Blame Dr. Raymond Stantz for thinking of “something that could never, ever possibly destroy us” after Gozer the Gozerian told the ‘Busters to choose their destructor.
9. Frosty Gets Frisky
How did you think snowbabies were made?
8. Hell Freezes Over
Although the Huffington Post claimed this was intended to be the American Sign Language “I love you” symbol, we know it’s actually a pair of horns thrust up to appease the late metal uber-elf Ronnie James Dio.
7. Zelda Triforce!
For those who know what it symbolizes, no explanation is necessary. For those who don’t — well, nevermind. It’s not nerdy at all.
6. The Thawing Dead
They can only be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. Or by unseasonably balmy weather.
5. Hang Minus 10
Not even a wetsuit. Hardcore.
4. Rise of the (Frozen) Planet of the Apes
Not sure what’s in his hand there, but not about to challenge him on it.
3. A Long Winter’s Nap
There’s nothing quite like crawling between a set of cool, crisp sheets.
2. Smug Bodybuilder
He’s so cold, his nipples will soon transform from coal to diamonds.
1. Winter Schminter
This makes a valid point. Bring on the spring.