20 Totally Badass Snow Sculptures (PHOTOS)

Think building a snowman is child’s play?

You’ve got it all wrong. Think of snow as a malleable medium with which you can bring to life the most twisted denizens of your imagination. Not a talented sculptor? A little red food coloring can help with that.

Here are some creepy, clever, perverse and generally awesome frozen friezes to fuel your imagination.

20. Snowbacca the Wookie

It’s either a Wookie, a yeti or the last known photograph of Joaquin Phoenix.

Yeti photo

Photo via socialfly.com

19. Optimus Prime (Cloaking Shield On)

Seven people and one snowplow were tragically crushed immediately after this picture was taken.

transformers sculpture

Photo via cheezburger.com

18. Arterial Bleed Snowman

You’ve got red on you.

crazy snowman

Photo via documentingreality.com

17. Snowjob

Or fellati-snow. Pick your pun.

snowman sex

Photo via hhour.com

16. Snow Kong

Took longer to make than Peter Jackson’s remake, but was much more enjoyable.

awesome snowman

Photo via Stripes.com

15. Snow Cock

That woman seems really happy to see such a large one.

crazy snow sculptures

Photo via break.com

14. Overcompensating for something

If you can’t afford a red convertible Corvette…

snow penis

Photo via waycoolpics.com

13. Snowbba the Hut

How do you think he knew how to freeze Han Solo?

jabba the hut sculpture

Photo via borderrrock.com

12. Very-Cold-Blooded Creature

That’s not a tiny house. It’s just an ENORMOUS snow lizard. And mailbox.

crazy snowman

11. R2H20

Holding the shovel: Kenny Baker.

R2D2 sculpture

Photo via obviouswinner.com

10. Cross the Streams!

Blame Dr. Raymond Stantz for thinking of “something that could never, ever possibly destroy us” after Gozer the Gozerian told the ‘Busters to choose their destructor.

Marshmallow man

Photo via borderrock.com

9. Frosty Gets Frisky

How did you think snowbabies were made?

sex in snow

Photo via obviouswinner.com

8. Hell Freezes Over

Although the Huffington Post claimed this was intended to be the American Sign Language “I love you” symbol, we know it’s actually a pair of horns thrust up to appease the late metal uber-elf Ronnie James Dio.

snow devil

Photo via huffingtonpost.com

7. Zelda Triforce!

For those who know what it symbolizes, no explanation is necessary. For those who don’t — well, nevermind. It’s not nerdy at all.

awesome snow sculptures

Photo via obviouswinner.com

6. The Thawing Dead

They can only be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. Or by unseasonably balmy weather.

zombies in snow

Photo via craigboyce.com

5. Hang Minus 10

Not even a wetsuit. Hardcore.

snow surfer

4. Rise of the (Frozen) Planet of the Apes

Not sure what’s in his hand there, but not about to challenge him on it.

Amazing snow sculpture

Photo via socialphy.com

3. A Long Winter’s Nap

There’s nothing quite like crawling between a set of cool, crisp sheets.

sleeping in snow

Photo via weheartit.com

2. Smug Bodybuilder

He’s so cold, his nipples will soon transform from coal to diamonds.

crazy snowman

Photo via hugelol.org

1. Winter Schminter

This makes a valid point. Bring on the spring.

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