Moving In Together: Unlimited Sex, the End of Freedom… or What?

Photo via She Knows Love

“Are we ready to move in together?” It’s such a weighted question.

Life feels more real when you ask these kinds of questions, doesn’t it? You feel a lot more grown up — maybe more than any other point in your life to date. This is a good thing.

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula to tell you if you’re ready to share your life with someone. What you can be sure of: it won’t be like the picture above — we certainly hope you’d never wear that shirt. But if you’ll address some of the points below, we do believe you’ll enjoy some perspective worthy of consideration.

Avoiding the Roommate Conundrum

Let’s make one thing clear right out of the gate: needing a roommate is not a good reason to shack up with your lady. Not if you want to continue developing your relationship, at least. If you want and need a roommate for better financial stability, then get a roommate. Don’t insert your lover into a domicile as a tool of convenience or a rent or mortgage stopgap.

Are You Committed?

How long have you been together? Are you deeply in love? What are you willing to sacrifice for the betterment of your girl? If you can answer all of these questions with some variety of the word “significant,” you’re moving in the right direction. If your relationship has a foundation that’s built upon trust, sharing, love and all of that other stuff — and isn’t simply lust, infatuation and sex — you’re on the right track.

Have You Discussed Living Together?

Do you regularly talk with your significant other about moving in together? Your future together? Marriage? Careers? Do you want kids? Or are you reading this because she wants to move in with you, and you’re not sure if you’re ready? Go with your gut. If you can’t communicate openly about apprehensions, fears and concerns, then you’ve still got some work to do personally — and as a couple.

Additionally, after several discussions with one another, consider discussing the possibility with family and friends. If you’re secure in the way you’re leaning as a couple, you’ll be able to tell anyone. If you’re hesitant, consider the reasons why, and add them to your ongoing discussions.

Do You Want to Get Married?

This is a serious red flag which must be addressed. As mentioned, communication is key. For many couples, moving in together is a stepping stone for marriage. For some couples, it’s a compromise, as one party desires a documented marriage, while the other is uncertain about the idea and is slowly warming up to the prospect. Whatever the scenario, you must be on the same page. If your girl wants to get married, and is doing you a solid by moving in together, you need to understand that you’re asking her to live on a bridge. If a contemporary cultural marriage is what she sees as the ultimate in a relationship, living on the bridge is not going to change that. You can’t build much of a foundation on a bridge. Ya dig?

Do You Fight Fair?

No relationship will reach its potential without a little bit of stress. In other words, you’re going to argue and fight. How do you handle those fights? Do you fight fair? Are you willing to compromise? Are you capable of reciprocity — a little give and take? When you live together, you’re going to see your significant other at their worst, and likewise, they will see you at your worst. This will put your relationship to the test. Preparation for that test, and success when being tested with come through open lines of communication. If your relationship hasn’t been battled tested, you’re not ready to move in together.

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