San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick was really impressive on Sunday, rushing for an NFL playoff record 181 yards on 12 carries, passing for an additional 257 yards and accounting for four touchdowns (two rushing and two passing) en route to a 45-31 victory over the Green Bay Packers.
After each of his rushing touchdowns, including this 56-yard run during which he looked like a man among boys, Kaepernick celebrated by kissing his biceps:
Now, because it seems no one in the world can appreciate any element of our culture without first breaking it down into an easily digestible meme, some people are saying that “Kaepernicking” (kissing your biceps after doing something impressive — or unimpressive, if you want to be ironic) is a thing. People on Tumblr and Twitter are posting photos of themselves with arms up, lips out and hashtags engaged.
No. Stop it. It’s not a thing.
First of all, Colin Kaepernick isn’t exactly the first person in world history to think of kissing his biceps. Has everyone forgotten about the existence of “Big Poppa Pump” Scott Steiner? Dude was kissing his steroid mounds over a decade ago:
There are plenty of other examples of pre-Kaepernick biceps-kissers, too, but I’m not going to link to them because searching for “kissing biceps” in Google Images turns up some very weird gay porn. Go find them yourself, if you don’t believe me.
Look — I’ll grant that Tebowing was a thing. It was an original (sort of) physical gesture that resonated with the public at a time when single-serving Tumblrs weren’t the most played out thing ever. Not everything needs to be a thing, though. We’ve reached the point where it seems like every single NFL player feels he needs to have his own hashtaggable touchdown celebration and, frankly, it’s stupid. Somewhere between Aaron Rodgers’ championship belt maneuver and Cam Newon’s Superman move, this thing jumped the shark:
Come to think of it, I can pinpoint the exact moment this whole movement got stupid. It was this: