Here’s a conundrum: you’re drunk and you want to look at naked boobies, but you’re stuck at home with your toddler.
What do you do?
Don’t head to the nearest peeler joint — in Rowe’s case, the Shark Lounge in Daytona Beach, Florida — with your baby in tow.
Don’t ask the clerk at an adjoining liquor store to look after your child, which is exactly what Rowe did, according to a police report. Side note: if you work in a liquor store, don’t accept babysitting responsibilities.
Don’t proceed to leave your young’un under the care of booze purveyors, no matter how many wonderful attractions the nearby strip bar boasts. According to its website, the Shark Lounge offers girls, conga lines, sharks and “Harleys, Harleys Harleys” (not sure if the latter refers to motorcycles or the pseudonyms of strippers, though both seem likely), none of which are acceptable reasons for abandoning your baby.
Of course, the pointers above are all somewhat moot if you follow one general rule, which should supersede all the others:
Don’t get drunk and horny while looking after your baby. Wait until the kid’s mom gets home, then pop out to “meet the guys” at the local “sports bar.”
If you haven’t followed the above rules and you find yourself detained by police for child neglect, don’t expect any sympathy. You’re a bad, bad dad.