So the world didn’t end in 2012. Epic fail, Mayans.
There’s still hope, though, if a cosmic catastrophe is the kind of thing you’re hoping for. The year 2013 is upon us and the end may well be nigh, if you put any faith in the prescient powers of Hollywood moviemakers and video game publishers.
Here’s a look at some works of fiction (?) that suggest the Apocalypse will happen sometime in the next 12 months.
A Scanner Darkly
This critically lauded thriller starring Keanu Reeves (note: the terms “critically lauded” and “Keanu Reeves” appearing in the same sentence is itself a harbinger of the End of Days) is set in a dystopian 2013, after America has lost the war on drugs and its citizens are under constant surveillance. So, in some ways, it’s practically a documentary.
Kevin Costner portrays a nomadic survivor of the apocalypse (cause: unspecified, but let’s assume nukes) who, in the distant year 2013, unwittingly inspires worldwide hope for renewed global peace. The film is prophetic, but only in the sense that it foretells more Costner flops to come.
One of the most controversial games of all time (simulated murder and torture are touchy subjects), this one seems to unfold in 2013, if you do a bit of math. We learn through flashbacks that “six years earlier” our murderous protagonist Daniel received a brain implant that makes him a merciless killer. Given the 2007 release date of the game, one can reasonably deduce that Daniel is dismembering people in 2013. So watch your back in the coming year, just in case.
Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter
Unfolding over three days in 2013, this third installment of the run-and-crouch-and-shoot-bad-guys Ghost Recon series sees soldiers dispatched to Mexico City to retrieve the contents of a downed spy plane. Amid the mayhem, the Canadian Prime Minister is killed and so are loads of Central American revolutionaries. Of all the grim visions of 2013 outlined in this list, Clancy’s seems most likely to unfold.
The Book of Eli
Thirty years after a nuclear holocaust, Denzel Washington wanders a charred wasteland, beating people up and killing animals for food. The year is 2043, which means the nukes must have blown the world to bits in 2013. Survivors included cockroaches and Denzel Washington.
This strategic PC game unfolds in 2013 after — guess what? — a nuclear explosion creates anarchy and general unpleasantness. The governor of California (not Arnold, sadly) secedes his state from the Union on April 15, 2013. That’s right: on Seth Rogen‘s birthday. Oh, the humanity!
Escape from L.A.
Kurt Russell stars as Snake Plissken, which is one of the gnarliest names in dude-movie history. The year is 2013 — 33 years after a mega-earthquake turns a big chunk of California into an island — and Snake Plissken is a criminal with an eye patch who defeats the President of the United States. He smokes, too. Badass!
Thirty years prior to the game’s eponymous date, guess what happened. Yep: nuclear war. Russia got the worst of it, which serves them right for being so inhospitable in Rocky IV. A guy with a gun blows up mutants. In other words: this is our future. Learn how to use a flamethrower.