50 Shades of Sonic: An Adolescent Boy’s Take on Erotic Fiction

First, some cynicism: it’s highly unlikely the short story below was actually written by a horny adolescent boy.

The spelling is impeccable, the punctuation passes muster and the whole thing smacks of a grown-up writing just sloppily enough to seem like a kid (would an adolescent boy nowadays even know what a switchblade comb is?). Plus the caveat of “Mom don’t read” really stretches the believability.

Now for some positivity: it’s fantastic. Suspend our disbelief for a minute and imagine our narrator, “Brian,” putting pen to paper and crafting this short work of adolescent eroticism that encompasses the holy trinity of pubescent male fixations: looking cool, playing video games and touching big boobs. Anyone who has ever been an adolescent boy can identify with this intrepid protagonist.

We shall patiently await the film adaptation, but we figure it couldn’t possibly live up to the book.

Suggested soundtrack: open this video in a background tab and hit play. Trust us, it will enhance the experience.

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