German Man Says Girlfriend Tried to Kill Him with Her 38DDs

Photo via Searchquant

German lawyer Tim Schmidt almost died in a way many men have  dreamed: suffocation by boobies.

Schmidt and his girlfriend, Franziska Hansen, were enjoying some bedroom intimacy back earlier this year when Schmidt claims that his very voluptuous lady-friend tried to kill him.

Here’s what happened, in his words:

“She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly, she grabbed my head and pushed between her breasts with all of her force. I couldn’t breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn’t tear myself free and I thought I was going to die.”

Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Exactly. Tim Schmidt needs to start lifting weights or something. Couldn’t tear yourself free? Really, dude? Or, perhaps his claim is false, as Franziska suggests.

She claims it was nothing more than playful sex and that she was really into it. He has countered by stating that she admitted to him that she was trying to kill him, telling him, “Treasure, I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible.”

Hold up. She calls him “Treasure?” Sweet mercy, Germans. That’s creepy. What does all of this mean? Are these insights the same reason why you’re superior in producing automobiles?

And you just know the judge in this case is thinking to himself: “Could you demonstrate exactly what happened?”

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