Christmas is coming, which means you only have a limited number of days to put off doing your Christmas shopping until the last minute. Start that procrastinating right now!
Look, the best advice we can give you this Christmas season doesn’t come in the form of an article. Just stalk your girlfriend’s Pinterest account. She’ll be pinning pictures of the stuff she wants for sure. Buy her some of it and everything will turn out just fine.
Failing that, we do have some gift tips that could help you out this Christmas season. Just slot your girlfriend into one of the convenient and definitely not overly reductive sub-categories below (but, whatever you do, do not tell her which category you put her in) and then buy one of our corresponding gift suggestions.
Christmas Gift Ideas For Your New Girlfriend
Trust us: you don’t want to be the guy who comes on too strong during your first Christmas with your new girlfriend. We know you’re excited to be dating her and you think you’ll be together forever, but you need to have some long-term perspective here.
First of all, your relationship probably won’t last — despite what you may think, the odds aren’t in your favor. Don’t blow a whack of cash on a gift for a girl who will be out of your life in a few months. Even if your love is destined to endure, it’s a very bad idea to set a gift value precedent that you won’t be able to live up to in subsequent years. Save the gold jewelry for (way) down the road.
Go with something small, relatively inexpensive and impossible to offend, like a bracelet or a teddy bear.
Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Long-Term Girlfriend
There’s no better gift than a proposal, but it’s the kind of thing you can only pull off once in a lifetime (assuming your marriage actually works out — and you should not be getting engaged if you aren’t positive the marriage will work).
Proposing around Christmas is a winner for two big reasons: not only does the holiday cheer make everything romantic with no additional effort on your part, but your new fiancee will be so thrilled to get an engagement ring that she won’t really care if you neglect to get her anything else for Christmas.
Alternately, get your long-term girlfriend a vacuum. Because you might as well just end things now. It’s the ring that she wants.
Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Rich Girlfriend
Don’t even bother trying to impress your rich girlfriend by saving up all year and spending an exorbitant amount of money on a gift. She won’t appreciate the value of your sacrifice and being poor all year will suck. Take things in the other direction and go homemade — or personalized, at least. As long as you put some heart into your gift, and she’s not heartless, your girlfriend will appreciate the thought far more than the dollar value.
Try getting her a personalized journal (in which you already wrote the first entry, a love letter), a coupon for a gourmet dinner cooked by you, a poster you got signed by her favorite band (with a message to her) or a street sign with her name on it to put on her wall — just make sure it’s something you can’t buy off the shelf at the mall.
If homemade / personalized just isn’t an option and you absolutely have to get her something high-end, make it something small enough that it won’t totally bankrupt you. This set of professional makeup brushes might do the trick:
Alternately, get her socks. Rich people probably never get socks for Christmas and they might actually enjoy it. Hey, you never know.
Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Geek Girlfriend
Geek girlfriends are actually pretty easy to shop for because they always make it really clear what stuff they are into. She loves anime? You’ll be made well aware of that fact. Just listen to her talk about the thing she’s obsessed with for 30 seconds and it will probably become abundantly clear what she wants for Christmas. You might be into the same thing, which will make shopping for it very easy.
If she’s a bit more coy about her geekdom, then head over to ThinkGeek.com and check out their “Gifts for Her” section — it’s a goldmine. Shopping for geeks is the easiest. Look at some of this stuff — how could you go wrong?
Here’s a Bluetooth sliding keyboard case for an iPhone:
Some delicious bacon lip balm:
Some cupcake bath bombs. I have no idea what bath bombs are, but they sound like something a girlfriend would like:
And an electronic firefly in a jar:
Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Sporty Girlfriend
Part of what makes sporty people so sporty is that they push themselves to get better and they’re rarely satisfied with the way things are. This can make shopping for gifts a frightening proposition — what if your present isn’t good enough?
When shopping for an athletic girlfriend, focus on things that will make her fitness routine more convenient or more enjoyable — not more effective. If you buy her a gym membership or a heavier set of free weights, you might give the impression that you think she’s still out of shape.
You won’t go wrong if you stick to gifts like sweat-proof, wireless headphones (everyone listens to music while running and wires can really get in the way) and high-end yoga clothing.
Christmas Gift Ideas For Your Lazy Girlfriend
Lazy girlfriends are great. You can stay home, eat nothing but pizza rolls and play video games all day — and have sex afterward instead of getting nagged.
Everyone should have a lazy girlfriend for at least a brief period of time, preferably during college. The trick is not to let your relationship with a lazy girl become your entire life. You see, when two lazy people get together, a feedback loop forms. The laziness begins to spiral out of control and before you know it you have two gigantic fat slobs who have to wipe each other’s butts because neither person can reach behind their back.
Shopping for a lazy girlfriend should be easy because lazy people are easy to please. The problem is that being lazy makes shopping difficult, because shopping requires doing something.
Just go online and order a bean bag chair, mini fridge or one of these crazy, new hot dog toasters and call it a day.