Connoisseurs of delicious, synthetic semi-food are already going into convulsive fits of withdrawal after the announcement that Twinkies-manufacturer Hostess is going out of business.
The company, which has been supplying sugary bliss and tooth decay for 82 years, is following through on its threat to close if striking employees didn’t quit their picketing and get back to work.
“Hostess Brands will move promptly to lay off most of its 18,500-member workforce and focus on selling its assets to the highest bidders,” said CEO Gregory F. Rayburn, proving that Hostess’ upper management isn’t nearly as soft and sweet as its confections.
Today’s announcement ironically comes on the heels of the legalization of pot in Colorado, which would almost certainly have resulted in an immediate Twinkie-related boost in revenues for Hostess.
Although Hostess has given the world a slew of other products — lest we forget the noble Ding Dong — the Twinkie has earned a special place in the pop culture pantheon.
The goo-filled cake log has proven somewhat indestructible, has been famously (but not actually) invoked as a legal defense in a court of law, and appeared in the first two Die Hard movies, among countless other onscreen cameos.
This is a truly a sad day for snack fiends everywhere (but presumably a joyous day for the American Diabetes Association).
R.I.P Twinkies: 1930-2012.