Halloween is awesome. Dressing up is awesome. If you don’t get excited for this holiday, even as an adult, there’s something wrong with you.
There are degrees of awesome when it comes to Halloween costumes, though. If you pull off an incredible costume, you can be the man at the Halloween party you attend (and in the ensuing days, if you post pics to Reddit). If you blow it, you can end up as that guy, the dude who wears the same dumb costume as ten other dudes at the party.
Don’t be that guy. Just put a little bit of thought into your costume and avoid the obvious ones listed below, because they are going to be way overdone this year:
Ever since The Dark Knight hit theaters, Joker costumes have been a Halloween mainstay. That will end this year, mercifully. Unmercifully, however, there will be a new Batman villain taking Joker’s place: Bane. And, somehow, he has an even more annoying voice for people to imitate. I’m dreading it already. You won’t be able to walk ten feet without bumping into a sweaty, bald dude in a Bane mask saying “your punishment must be more severe” in that weird, old-timey voice that Bane uses in the movie. Ugh.
Don’t do it. If you have to be a Batman character, try going the route of Nolan-izing one of the villains that didn’t appear in the Christopher Nolan trilogy–maybe Penguin, The Riddler or a more obscure character like The Calculator.
4. Green Man
For some very weird reason, there is a specific segment of guys who get off on wearing spandex bodysuits. Is it just so that you can force people to see an outline of your dong? What’s the appeal?
These things are apparently called morph suits are they took off in popularity thanks to Green Man from It’s Always Sunny In Philadephia, which is why you usually seem them in green (though they come in all kinds of stupid colors and patterns).
Leave the spandex body suits to your creepy friends.
3. Barack Obama and Mitt Romney
This is about as easy to pull off as it gets, which makes it appealing to the lazy guys out there. All you need is a suit, a cheap mask and maybe some campaign stickers. Too bad it’s not original, it’s not funny and it’s not even particularly interesting to look at–a trifecta of suck! If you really want to go as Obama, go as the Clint Eastwood empty chair version of Obama (i.e., don’t actually show up to the party).
Oh, and a word of advice to the white guys of the world who want to dress up as Obama: don’t ever do black-face! It’s super racist and a lot of people don’t seem to realize this.
It isn’t the costume that bugs me about this one. I guess I’m okay with a bunch of dudes going around in colorful tuxedos. It’s the horse dance that gets me. It’s already way past its expiration date and Halloween is still several weeks away. By the 31st, that song is going to be toxic. The last thing any Halloween party needs is you demanding that “Gangnam Style” gets played over and over again, so you can hop around like an idiot. I can’t really think of a bigger buzzkill.
If you absolutely have to incorporate this song and video into your Halloween costume, at least go as one of the fringe characters–like that weird guy in the elevator.
1. Honey Boo Boo
No. Just… no.
I get that fat dudes have it rough. It’s hard to pull off a superhero or any other “cool” costume when your gut hangs over your tights. Going as Honey Boo Boo is appealing because it allows you to deflect your insecurity–the laughs are at the expense of a fat toddler, not a fat you. You can do better than Honey Boo Boo, though. You have to do better than Honey Boo Boo. As a culture, we have to do better than Honey Boo Boo–in all respects.
BONUS – No Costume
I had to include this on the list as a bonus because the only thing worse than being the guy who wears an obvious, overdone costume is being the guy who’s too cool for a costume. You’re not better than everyone else, buddy–dress the f*ck up like the rest of us.
And don’t think for a second that any of the anti-costume costumes (pedestrian, nudist on strike, etc.) are funny. If you’re going to go out for Halloween in plainclothes, just tell everyone that you’re dressed up as a douche. Because you are.