You know the old saying, “As Creed goes, so goes the nation?”
Wait, is that right? I know it’s something along those lines. Regardless of the exact wording, what matters is that the votes cast by the members of nu-metal band Creed are definitely the most important factors in determining the outcome of presidential elections. Always have been. You might even say that Creed is just as responsible for freeing the slaves and ending the Cold War as anyone else.
Recently, Fox News invited Creed singer Scott Stapp onto television to discuss his preferred candidate this fall. Stapp, of course, is a beacon of American values. He’s a devout Christian. He was arrested for reckless driving and throwing a glass bottle at his wife (charges were dropped for that second one–praise Jesus!). He also starred in a sex tape with Kid Rock. The guy is what we all aspire to be.
The nation held its breath as Stapp revealed that, though he voted for Obama in 2008, he plans to vote for Romney this time around.
This is big. Though recent reports indicated that the Romney campaign is losing hope, this is going turn everything around. If Romney can also manage to grab the always-coveted Nickelback endorsement, this whole thing just might be over. Obama won’t be able to overcome that. In fact, Romney may not even need the Nickelback vote at this point. If he can grab both Puddle of Mudd and Staind, that could very well be enough to do it.
We’ll keep you updated as this critical story progresses. At press time, there were rumors that the Obama campaign was making an emergency trip to Fred Durst’s house.