Todd Akin: National Embarrassment

[Editor’s note: The article in question below was a work of satire. It seems that it’s gone over many people’s heads, including the writer of this article.]

It’s really unfortunate when an elected official says something so batsh*t insane that you pity their constituents. We all know that in beltway states like Missouri, the voters are prone to being swayed by “social issues” and what people like televangelist Pat Robertson has to say about them.

The influence of the ignorant gives rise to classic medieval folklore like women can only conceive if the sex is consensual. This line of “reasoning” (and I use that term loosely) has seen a resurgence as of late, thanks to Todd “if the rape is legitimate, the female body has ways of shutting the whole thing down” Akin, the Republican candidate for the Missouri senate seat.

Well, Akin is back with another instant classic, courtesy of FOX affiliate KBSI23:

“We now know how to purge men of sin and put them on a path towards god. Why can’t every gay man in America have that knowledge? Just four weeks of live breastfeeding can cure them of their terrible suffering. Why aren’t we talking about this?”

When pressed further on this apparent scientific breakthrough, and whether it applied to women, things actually took a turn for the worse:

“Lesbians can be cured by drinking something else–I’ll leave that one to your imagination.”

At this point, the election has become a bit of a farce. Suggesting that ingesting bodily fluids can alter a person’s sexual preference requires a massive leap of faith; either that, or Todd Akin is pulling off one of the greatest satirical performances in American history.

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