Presume, for a moment, that your arteries have wronged you in some way. Maybe they stole your favorite Han Solo collectible bust, or made eyes at your wife, or told your son that Santa Claus isn’t real. How could you ruin the magic of Christmas like that, arteries? He’s just a child.
In the end, the reason doesn’t really matter. The point is, your arteries need a good, old fashioned beatdown, and 7-11 has got just the thing to do the job.
Introducing the 7-11 mashed potato Slurpee. It is exactly what it sounds like, and it’s coming to a 7-11 near you!
The mashed potato Slurpee has existed for a few years, and is just now making its way to the United States. The concept is simple: place a cup beneath the nozzle, press the ‘mashed potatoes’ button, and watch as piping hot sludge vaguely resembling mashed potatoes pours out of the machine and all over your sense of dignity. Then, top that sucker off with some chicken gravy!
And that’s not all! The thrill-seeker may also choose to stray from the beaten path and try out whatever ‘BBQ mashed potatoes’ are. It’s gourmet self-hatred on demand!
This is clearly the pinnacle of the modern meal. Highly convenient, bland, and calorie-dense, the mashed potato Slurpee is the perfect way to boldly declare unto the world, “Go on without me, life. I give up.”
Try one today!